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Passions in Poetry

Russian Mail Order Bride (Humor Challenge)

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Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


0 posted 02-04-2000 08:26 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Poet deVine




He saw her photo on the Internet
Wearing a babushka on her head
Golden hair and delft blue eyes
Her lips full and cherry red

She said she wanted just to be
An American girl all her life
Said she was looking for a kind-hearted man
To woo her and make her his wife

She promised true devotion
And a brood of 10 kids or more
She loved to cook and clean
And was willing to do much more!

She said she had a degree in
Nuclear Fusion and Astronomy
That she could pole vault faultlessly
And hoped for Russian autonomy

He sent her money to pay her fare
Wrote sonnets to her many charms
Told all his friends she’d be coming
Into his waiting arms.


Meanwhile in a Russian village:


Zay call me Olga da Porkling
‘cause my fist is big as a ham
no man here vill marry wez me
zay say it’s mean I yam

Ze mudder make me sign up
For American groom you zee
He’ll pay gold to take me avay
Zen my zister get husband for free

Each week my zweetie zend me
Hundred ‘Merican bucks in za mail
I gev it to my mudder to
Keep my brudder outta jail

Zoon it vill be time to go
To live in za land of plenty
I vant to be mud vrestler
Zince I vas young girl of twenty

I may be zirty nine years old
And ugly so my mudder zay
But I know vhat ‘merican men want
Zis Olga know how to play

The meeting:

At half past ten on Saturday
Our hero stood at the gate
For this was the day he’d prayed for
And he hoped her plane wasn’t late

So tall and handsome, was he,
Wearing dockers and a shirt
Anxiously anticipating her
In a tight, leather mini skirt

As the plane emptied, he stared
Looking for his blonde goddess to alit
When all of a sudden he was grabbed
And squeezed uncomfortably tight

Wearing overalls and muddy boots
Was the bride he’s sworn to adore
She smelled like a pigpen and
Must’ve been at least six foot four

Olga smiled at her new hubby
‘zis iz vonderful day for me
ven do we get to do it
‘been vaiting patiently

Our hero paled at this thought
And tried to back away
“come here my lubchink lover
it’s time vor us to play

At that dear Olga drew out a football
Threw it long right then and there
Our hero ran long to catch it
And tripped on someone’s chair

He jumped up and kept running
No one has seen him since
And Olga, poor Russian bride
Was sent back to her hometown of Minsk!


© Copyright 2000 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved
Marilyn
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since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


1 posted 02-04-2000 08:38 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Lmao..way to go Sharon! Tall, dark and handsome you say and he adores blondes with blues eyes? Hmmm next time send him to Canada, it isn't as far away!!  
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


2 posted 02-04-2000 08:40 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

ROFL!~    LMBO!!   Vis iz very vunny devine!
heheee...I zink I vould ov kept running too!
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


3 posted 02-04-2000 08:55 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

This is terrific, deVine one....the way you laid it out....him. her. the meeting..clever and VERY funny!!!
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


4 posted 02-04-2000 09:04 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

ROFLMTO!!!!!  ohh this is terrific, so very funny!!Well Done Devine!!!  

 What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
Samuel Coleridge


Eloise
Senior Member
since 11-27-1999
Posts 1115
Wyoming


5 posted 02-04-2000 09:21 PM       View Profile for Eloise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Eloise

Thanks for the laugh. This is a great one PdV.  Definitely a keeper.  
SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


6 posted 02-04-2000 10:07 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA


                      
Poet, this was great!LMAO! -SEA
Denise
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since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


7 posted 02-04-2000 10:14 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Hillarious! Things aren't always what they seem, are they?!

Denise
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
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since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


8 posted 02-04-2000 10:17 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Poet deVine-

Zis poeme, it haz me in stitches !
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Gene
Senior Member
since 01-23-2000
Posts 940
Colorado, USA


9 posted 02-04-2000 10:38 PM       View Profile for Gene   Email Gene   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Gene's Home Page   View IP for Gene

Da, zat wuz werry, werry funny. I tink I need anudder wodka.

Hey, wait a minute. My family's from Minsk.

~Gene  

[This message has been edited by u_gene (edited 02-04-2000).]
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


10 posted 02-05-2000 12:10 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Theez vas hard to write! LOL
Chris Goodman
Member
since 01-28-2000
Posts 95
Issaquah, Washington usa


11 posted 02-05-2000 12:59 AM       View Profile for Chris Goodman   Email Chris Goodman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Chris Goodman

This is incredible writing!  In fact this had me in tears.  I was laughing so hard.  Keep it up because I love your work.

Chris

 Blue Moon
Christopher
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Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


12 posted 02-05-2000 01:57 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

And she vas such a bootiful voman!

LOL Sharon!!
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


13 posted 02-05-2000 06:19 AM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

A nice good laugh.  They always say you have to look out for Olga.  I wrote a poem about a Russian woman once...it was short but sweet.  James
 
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