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Russian Mail Order Bride (Humor Challenge)
| Open Poetry #5 |
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Russian Mail Order Bride (Humor Challenge) |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
He saw her photo on the Internet Wearing a babushka on her head Golden hair and delft blue eyes Her lips full and cherry red She said she wanted just to be An American girl all her life Said she was looking for a kind-hearted man To woo her and make her his wife She promised true devotion And a brood of 10 kids or more She loved to cook and clean And was willing to do much more! She said she had a degree in Nuclear Fusion and Astronomy That she could pole vault faultlessly And hoped for Russian autonomy He sent her money to pay her fare Wrote sonnets to her many charms Told all his friends she’d be coming Into his waiting arms. Meanwhile in a Russian village: Zay call me Olga da Porkling ‘cause my fist is big as a ham no man here vill marry wez me zay say it’s mean I yam Ze mudder make me sign up For American groom you zee He’ll pay gold to take me avay Zen my zister get husband for free Each week my zweetie zend me Hundred ‘Merican bucks in za mail I gev it to my mudder to Keep my brudder outta jail Zoon it vill be time to go To live in za land of plenty I vant to be mud vrestler Zince I vas young girl of twenty I may be zirty nine years old And ugly so my mudder zay But I know vhat ‘merican men want Zis Olga know how to play The meeting: At half past ten on Saturday Our hero stood at the gate For this was the day he’d prayed for And he hoped her plane wasn’t late So tall and handsome, was he, Wearing dockers and a shirt Anxiously anticipating her In a tight, leather mini skirt As the plane emptied, he stared Looking for his blonde goddess to alit When all of a sudden he was grabbed And squeezed uncomfortably tight Wearing overalls and muddy boots Was the bride he’s sworn to adore She smelled like a pigpen and Must’ve been at least six foot four Olga smiled at her new hubby ‘zis iz vonderful day for me ven do we get to do it ‘been vaiting patiently Our hero paled at this thought And tried to back away “come here my lubchink lover it’s time vor us to play At that dear Olga drew out a football Threw it long right then and there Our hero ran long to catch it And tripped on someone’s chair He jumped up and kept running No one has seen him since And Olga, poor Russian bride Was sent back to her hometown of Minsk! |
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| © Copyright 2000 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Lmao..way to go Sharon! Tall, dark and handsome you say and he adores blondes with blues eyes? Hmmm next time send him to Canada, it isn't as far away!!  |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
ROFL!~ LMBO!! Vis iz very vunny devine! heheee...I zink I vould ov kept running too! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
This is terrific, deVine one....the way you laid it out....him. her. the meeting..clever and VERY funny!!! |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
ROFLMTO!!!!! ohh this is terrific, so very funny!!Well Done Devine!!!  What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge |
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Eloise Senior Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 1096Wyoming |
Thanks for the laugh. This is a great one PdV. Definitely a keeper. |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
 Poet, this was great!LMAO! -SEA |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Hillarious! Things aren't always what they seem, are they?! Denise |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Poet deVine- Zis poeme, it haz me in stitches ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Gene Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935Colorado, USA |
Da, zat wuz werry, werry funny. I tink I need anudder wodka. Hey, wait a minute. My family's from Minsk. ~Gene [This message has been edited by u_gene (edited 02-04-2000).] |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Theez vas hard to write! LOL |
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Chris Goodman Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 92Issaquah, Washington usa |
This is incredible writing! In fact this had me in tears. I was laughing so hard. Keep it up because I love your work. Chris Blue Moon |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
And she vas such a bootiful voman! LOL Sharon!! |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
A nice good laugh. They always say you have to look out for Olga. I wrote a poem about a Russian woman once...it was short but sweet. James |
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