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Passions in Poetry

Unrequited

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PoeticKnight
Senior Member
since 01-20-2000
Posts 1151
New Orleans, LA


0 posted 01-28-2000 06:01 PM       View Profile for PoeticKnight   Email PoeticKnight   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for PoeticKnight

How time can make love grow
No matter how far apart you go
And all the things you do
Whenever we steal a moment or two
How pain seems somehow to mend
When we have reached the end
And have only ourselves once more
No one to blame, no one to scar
Itís such a sad thing which will never be
This connection between you and me
Why must I look in the mirror
And see myself getting unclearer
Thereís got to be a reason or some rhyme
For my not being with you in time
But frozen and etched upon your brain
Echoing what might have been in every rain
Thereís got to be some sort of place
For us to live face to face
Where we can be together
And not worry about the weather
And not a care in the world
Just you and  me, a boy and girl
No one else needs to know
Nothing else matters in this place we go
Itís a way of making dreams deliverable
Itís the only way of making this life liveable



© Copyright 2000 J.M. Landry - All Rights Reserved
jfreak
Member
since 06-17-99
Posts 311
Yuma, AZ, USA


1 posted 01-29-2000 04:39 PM       View Profile for jfreak   Email jfreak   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jfreak

Hey JML,

I thought this poem was done very well.  Your scheme is well traditional, so of course it works.  I liked how you pointed in the line "look in the mirror and see myself getting unclearer".  That line just shows how men and women are when they get involved.  Or at least how it should be.  Not being able to tell where one ends and the other begins.  The only thing I would change in your poem is adding the word bitter right before end in the sixth line.  I think it might make the poem flow that much better, but that is just me.  Keep up the good work.

Jfreak
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