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Open Poetry #5
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PoeticKnight
Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144
New Orleans, LA

0 posted 2000-01-28 06:01 PM


How time can make love grow
No matter how far apart you go
And all the things you do
Whenever we steal a moment or two
How pain seems somehow to mend
When we have reached the end
And have only ourselves once more
No one to blame, no one to scar
It’s such a sad thing which will never be
This connection between you and me
Why must I look in the mirror
And see myself getting unclearer
There’s got to be a reason or some rhyme
For my not being with you in time
But frozen and etched upon your brain
Echoing what might have been in every rain
There’s got to be some sort of place
For us to live face to face
Where we can be together
And not worry about the weather
And not a care in the world
Just you and  me, a boy and girl
No one else needs to know
Nothing else matters in this place we go
It’s a way of making dreams deliverable
It’s the only way of making this life liveable




© Copyright 2000 J.M. Landry - All Rights Reserved
jfreak
Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 306
Yuma, AZ, USA
1 posted 2000-01-29 04:39 PM


Hey JML,

I thought this poem was done very well.  Your scheme is well traditional, so of course it works.  I liked how you pointed in the line "look in the mirror and see myself getting unclearer".  That line just shows how men and women are when they get involved.  Or at least how it should be.  Not being able to tell where one ends and the other begins.  The only thing I would change in your poem is adding the word bitter right before end in the sixth line.  I think it might make the poem flow that much better, but that is just me.  Keep up the good work.

Jfreak

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