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Passions in Poetry

Nothing Like The Sun (A miserably failed attempt at PdV's Valentine challnge)

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Skyfyre
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since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


0 posted 01-26-2000 07:30 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Skyfyre

** author's note:  One of my favorite of Shakespeare's sonnets is "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun ..."  So thank you, Will, for "lending" me your line!   **

The Sun will rise upon the morn
To kiss the sleeping skies,
Infusing them with lesser blue
Than dances in your eyes;

And when she summons twilight's rose
With dusky fingertips,
Her meager pallette cannot match
The blush upon your lips;

For even in the highest noon
The Sun cannot imbue
Such rare and radiant brilliance as
The slightest smile from you;

Nor can she summon greater heat
With all her brightest blaze,
Than that which swells within my heart
Beneath your loving gaze;

For though you're fashioned of the stuff
From which the stars are spun,
If truth be told, my Valentine,
You're nothing like the sun.



 Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...


--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest

© Copyright 2000 Linda Anderson - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


1 posted 01-26-2000 07:36 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Well. I think this is very well written Kess - hardly rates as a 'miserable failed attempt'!

Great job! Said with finality from moi...

K

 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath
Severn
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since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


2 posted 01-26-2000 07:38 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Oh - forgot to mention that that is one of my favourite sonnets also - (my absolute favourite is 29 - I have many actually!!)

I knew before I clicked on your GREAT (no disputing!) poem just what it would be about.
Denise
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since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


3 posted 01-26-2000 07:52 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

ummm, Kess? What's wrong with this? I think it is beautiful! Simply beautiful!  

Denise
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


4 posted 01-26-2000 08:21 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Wonderful! I like this very much, Kess! I think the challenge truly well met!!  
Nan
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since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


5 posted 01-26-2000 10:14 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Right... Even her miserable failures are highly successful...
Tara Simms
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since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


6 posted 01-26-2000 10:16 PM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms

Absolutely lovely. Oh to be loved like this.  Great job, Kess.
poetry_kills
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since 12-04-1999
Posts 552
new orleans


7 posted 01-26-2000 10:20 PM       View Profile for poetry_kills   Email poetry_kills   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit poetry_kills's Home Page   View IP for poetry_kills

beautiful... brilliant... i love it   two thumbs and a corn dog up!

sincerely,
jerome the boy with no corndog

 A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge
Master
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since 08-18-99
Posts 1880
Boston, MA


8 posted 01-26-2000 10:27 PM       View Profile for Master   Email Master   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Master's Home Page   View IP for Master

Dear Shakespeare, sir, I thought you always wise,
And yet tonight, your talent reached its peak.
Just as the sun has no more room to rise,
I, too, am lacking any breath to speak.

And find my mind repeating just one verse,
And I shall do so ▒til the sun grows cold
For in your magic words I▓m left submersed
And by your wicked tongue, I stand appalled

One, single verse still wanders in my head
And from its presence, I could never run.
As if it is the only verse I▓ve ever read!
"My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun ..."

And if this verse can thus inspire Kess,
Let me appraise it high above the rest!

[This message has been edited by Master (edited 01-26-2000).]
Meadowmuse
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since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


9 posted 01-26-2000 10:35 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Skye...I, too, enjoy the Bard's works, and you've employed his line beautifully with this magnificent and tender poem.

Claire
Elizabeth Santos
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since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


10 posted 01-26-2000 10:38 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Kess, This is beautiful, as usual. You have a rare talent
Liz
Sven
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since 11-23-1999
Posts 15611
Lansing, MI USA


11 posted 01-27-2000 12:55 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

A failed attempt?!?!?!?

I wish some of my failed attempts were this good!  Don't sell yourself short Kess. . . this is wonderful. . .

"If truth be told my Valentine, you're nothing like the sun. . ."  I love that line. . .

---------------------------------------------

 That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl

White Wolf
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since 09-18-99
Posts 384
Somewhere in the vast wastelan


12 posted 01-27-2000 03:15 PM       View Profile for White Wolf   Email White Wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for White Wolf

If my heart melted on a failed attempt, don't let me read a good one.  My heart may just evaporate completely.  Great poem.  I love it.

 "Life's greatest mystery isn't the meaning of life. To love and be loved is the meaning of life. Now how to attain those is the greatest mystery of all."
LngJhnAg
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since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


13 posted 01-27-2000 03:21 PM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

Kess

What a superb poem.  I'll bet you put it down so we would raise it up.  Didn't you, you shameless vixen!

Master - Your poem also deserves terrific merit - nicely said.
Terrina Kethryveris
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since 12-06-1999
Posts 57
USA


14 posted 01-27-2000 04:39 PM       View Profile for Terrina Kethryveris   Email Terrina Kethryveris   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Terrina Kethryveris

And I find myself wondering why you send me these URL's... But I bet it is because you know I will tell you EXACTLY what I think.  

So here goes: Woman I swear I am going to come over there and beat you if you don't stop putting down you're work. There is nothing at all worng with this, I think it is beautiful.   So There!  

Terri

 Truth be known, fantasy is much more appealing than reality.
Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 10-28-1999
Posts 5247
state of confusion


15 posted 01-27-2000 04:57 PM       View Profile for Corinne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corinne

Simply elegant and lovely,not a failed attempt in the least, Syfyre!

Love that artwork, too!

Corinne
Christopher
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since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


16 posted 01-28-2000 05:48 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

And your work, m'friend, shines brighter than the sun!
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


17 posted 01-28-2000 12:49 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

OMG...if this is your failed attempt...we are all in a world of trouble. Wonderfully written and beautifully romantic
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


18 posted 01-28-2000 01:23 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Oh so lovely are your words, that wonderous fair does not justice do this "failed attempt".  You are very talented!
devina
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since 10-28-1999
Posts 3189
Northern Cali


19 posted 01-28-2000 02:11 PM       View Profile for devina   Email devina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for devina

This as wondeful...it had romance, GREAT comparison, and was lovely all around Kess...don't make me come over there and smack some sense into you!!!!LOL!!!Give credit where it is due my friend...this is ART!

 Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...
HelmutB
Senior Member
since 01-06-2000
Posts 989
Canada


20 posted 01-28-2000 07:05 PM       View Profile for HelmutB   Email HelmutB   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit HelmutB's Home Page   View IP for HelmutB

It sure is art, devina you have said it so rightly. A very prescious piece of poetry.
I love it. Don't set your candle under the table when it has so much light.

 The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.

RainbowGirl
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since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


21 posted 01-29-2000 07:03 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Nothing miserable about this...*g*

HUGS

 Memories give you the power to collect roses in the winter...
Munda
Member Elite
since 10-08-1999
Posts 3629
The Hague, The Netherlands


22 posted 01-29-2000 07:08 PM       View Profile for Munda   Email Munda   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Munda's Home Page   View IP for Munda

LOL Kess ! Even your "miserably failed attempt" is better than my best !  
Alwye
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since 06-16-99
Posts 3968
In the space between moments


23 posted 01-29-2000 11:25 PM       View Profile for Alwye   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alwye

Not miserable in the least!  On the contrary, this is stunning!  So beautiful...I love it.  

 *Krista Knutson*

~*Like a lion, without fear of the howling pack,
Like a gust of wind, ne'er trapped in a snare,
Like a lotus blossom, ne'er sprinkled by water,
Let me, like a unicorn, in solitude roam.*~ Hymn Of Buddha

Little_Spyro
Senior Member
since 01-09-2000
Posts 665
San Diego, CA, USA


24 posted 01-30-2000 12:23 AM       View Profile for Little_Spyro   Email Little_Spyro   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Little_Spyro

I have to agree with a lot of other people here--if this is a "failiure", then what's something "good"?

I'd start using colorful metaphors here if I didn't have the self-restraint necessary not to...lol       You're too good!

Maybe someday I'll be like you and all the other crême-de-la-crême poets here!
                                                                       ^     ^  ^   ^   (did I use this right?)

Extremely well written!

Little Spyro T. Dragon




[This message has been edited by Little_Spyro (edited 01-30-2000).]
 
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