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Passions in Poetry

Forever Out

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Meadowmuse
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since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


0 posted 01-25-2000 08:12 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse


Forever Out


I have stared forever out and
toward the lulling, pulling sea.
I have searched within the darkness
at the empty ocean of me.
I have crawled through days unending
with soggy sand in lieu of heart.
Remaining, hulking, ruins
from castle dreams I dared to start.

I have turned and walked back slowly
to that helpless stone~still child
whose innocent eyes upon me,
long replaced with something wild,
had given up on the elderfolk
and fairy angels she would read
to free her from the filthy
knotted nettles of demon's deed.

Whose far~off gaze would lie
while little arms and knees were muddied
and hide the pain of five year old flesh
being bruised, ripped open and bloodied.
Whose secret prayers and lullabyes
could never so much as be heard,
but that child, always silent,
knew each syllable of every word.

And the sometimes when
she trusts enough to hold her close to me
are the times I breathe against her
and I feel her feel the sea.
And the sands are dry and warming now
and urging us to start
building castles, true and towering,
along the beaches of our heart.

Dear LadyClaire



© Copyright 2000 Meadowmuse - All Rights Reserved
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


1 posted 01-25-2000 08:21 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Claire dear, you have spoken such heart here, of feelings I almost feel are mine.  Beautifully done.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


2 posted 01-25-2000 08:31 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

This is beautifully touching, Claire. I can sense sadness and hopefulness in this. Well done!

Denise

[This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 01-25-2000).]
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


3 posted 01-25-2000 11:12 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Martie...you've given me the nicest compliment. To have a reader confide that what you have written touches them in this way is a message that both humbles and empowers the writer, and this you have given me. Thank you so much.

Denise...thank you for reading and letting me know that you enjoyed it. Yes, this was a work of healing and I hoped to illustrate that through the sorrow there finally emerged a quiet and peaceful sense of self. Thank you so for your feedback.


Claire  

HelmutB
Senior Member
since 01-06-2000
Posts 989
Canada


4 posted 01-26-2000 02:01 AM       View Profile for HelmutB   Email HelmutB   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit HelmutB's Home Page   View IP for HelmutB

The poem has touched me too
Even now as I'm writing this to you
I love the line "building castles, true and towering, along the beaches of our heart."
It truly shows your wordy art
Well done I may also add
I saw that part of this is sad


 The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


5 posted 01-26-2000 04:37 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Claire, this is masterfully written - the style and tone suits the topic so well. This has reached right in there and grabbed my heart...

I have crawled through days unending
with soggy sand in lieu of heart.

These lines just got me.



 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


6 posted 01-26-2000 06:36 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

What better place to let out our sorrows and begin a path of healing, than along the shore, where the mesmerizing oceans roar speaks of ever moving, ever continuing rhythm of life. You have written a treasured poem,a beautiful vision of sorrow
Liz
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
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since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


7 posted 01-26-2000 07:25 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

My goodness, Claire !
This is so delicately stated,
so penetrating ... no wonder it
touches a heart.

You have a lovely way of
lacing the lines together.  
It reminds me of watching my grandmother
crochet ... and then gasping in awe at
the beauty of what she put together.

I am in awe of this piece.
~*Marge
*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


8 posted 01-26-2000 07:32 AM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Really well written and thought out.....very nice work dear.....
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


9 posted 01-26-2000 12:00 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Helmut...you always have such poetic and kind replies. Thank you.  

Severn...I like knowing my words have touched someone the way you've described. Thank you so much for reading and sharing.

Liz...oh how your words upon the ocean's expanse
tumble 'round my soul and move my heart to dance!
Thank you!

Marge...I enjoy your analogy...my Grandmother taught me, also, to crochet when I was young and yes, I understand what you mean... the memory of watching in wonder while she wove her creation has stayed with me, as well. What a neat way of describing how you saw this poem...thank you!

Toerag...I am pleased that you enjoyed reading this and I thank you for telling me so.  

Dear LadyClaire

U K Hero
Member
since 08-08-99
Posts 271
England


10 posted 01-26-2000 12:24 PM       View Profile for U K Hero   Email U K Hero   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for U K Hero

A lot of effort here and it shows. Much loved.
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


11 posted 01-26-2000 07:05 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

U K Hero...thank you for reading and letting me know you enjoyed it. The effort was not so much in the writing, as in getting to the place where I was able to write. Thank you so much tonight.

Claire
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


12 posted 01-26-2000 07:40 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

Claire:

At first, I started reading this silently, as is usual for me.  But halfway through the second stanza, something compelled me to begin again, this time reading it aloud ...

I was amazed at how, despite the fact that the syllable count and meter are not "perfect" in the strictest sense, this flowed like silk over my tongue.  I felt swept up by the tale you told -- and as I neared the end, I experienced something that, for me, is very rare.

As I read the last line, my voice trailed off ... there was a fluttering beneath my heart and tears were dancing in my eyes.  I simply have no words for what this made me feel, but whatever it was, it was wonderful.

Thank you truly for this.  

--Kess


 Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...


--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest

Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


13 posted 01-26-2000 10:49 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Skye...your response has humbled me. I know of no higher accolade than to be told that one's work has had this type effect on its reader. Thank you so much.

As for the form of this piece, and actually much of my work, it is written in accentual verse. I generally write for voice, and that is why, perhaps, some of my work is, indeed, imperfect in its syllabic metered count. It is written with the voice in mind, so its rhythm emerges as a result of the vocally stressed syllables, rather than from merely the "number" of them.

Thanks again, Skye...you've given me a smile tonight.

Claire
Alwye
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Member Elite
since 06-16-99
Posts 3968
In the space between moments


14 posted 01-26-2000 11:04 PM       View Profile for Alwye   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alwye

"I have searched within the darkness
                at the empty ocean of me." Wow, meadowmuse, I love that, just as I do the rest of this brilliant masterpiece.  Your works continue to touch deep parts of me and awe me with your talent.  This was no exception.  Wonderful, beautiful, with a tinge of sadness.  I am truly in awe.  


 *Krista Knutson*

~*Like a lion, without fear of the howling pack,
Like a gust of wind, ne'er trapped in a snare,
Like a lotus blossom, ne'er sprinkled by water,
Let me, like a unicorn, in solitude roam.*~ Hymn Of Buddha

Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 06-18-99
Posts 1231
St. Paul, MN


15 posted 01-26-2000 11:18 PM       View Profile for Dusk Treader   Email Dusk Treader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dusk Treader

Such a beautiful poem, it flows like quicksilver and is just as mysteriously attractive as that metal.  My words don't do this justice.  Excellent work  

 In flames I shall not be consumed, but reborn. -- Abrahm Simons


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


16 posted 01-27-2000 10:18 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Claire...I found this to be absolutely breath taking. You've told a wonderful tale and told it wonderfully  
 
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