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Forever Out
| Open Poetry #5 |
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Forever Out |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Forever OutI have stared forever out and toward the lulling, pulling sea. I have searched within the darkness at the empty ocean of me. I have crawled through days unending with soggy sand in lieu of heart. Remaining, hulking, ruins from castle dreams I dared to start. I have turned and walked back slowly to that helpless stone~still child whose innocent eyes upon me, long replaced with something wild, had given up on the elderfolk and fairy angels she would read to free her from the filthy knotted nettles of demon's deed. Whose far~off gaze would lie while little arms and knees were muddied and hide the pain of five year old flesh being bruised, ripped open and bloodied. Whose secret prayers and lullabyes could never so much as be heard, but that child, always silent, knew each syllable of every word. And the sometimes when she trusts enough to hold her close to me are the times I breathe against her and I feel her feel the sea. And the sands are dry and warming now and urging us to start building castles, true and towering, along the beaches of our heart.  Claire |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Claire dear, you have spoken such heart here, of feelings I almost feel are mine. Beautifully done. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is beautifully touching, Claire. I can sense sadness and hopefulness in this. Well done! Denise [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 01-25-2000).] |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Martie...you've given me the nicest compliment. To have a reader confide that what you have written touches them in this way is a message that both humbles and empowers the writer, and this you have given me. Thank you so much. Denise...thank you for reading and letting me know that you enjoyed it. Yes, this was a work of healing and I hoped to illustrate that through the sorrow there finally emerged a quiet and peaceful sense of self. Thank you so for your feedback. Claire |
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HelmutB Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 964Canada |
The poem has touched me too Even now as I'm writing this to you I love the line "building castles, true and towering, along the beaches of our heart." It truly shows your wordy art Well done I may also add I saw that part of this is sad The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Claire, this is masterfully written - the style and tone suits the topic so well. This has reached right in there and grabbed my heart... I have crawled through days unending with soggy sand in lieu of heart. These lines just got me.  'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
What better place to let out our sorrows and begin a path of healing, than along the shore, where the mesmerizing oceans roar speaks of ever moving, ever continuing rhythm of life. You have written a treasured poem,a beautiful vision of sorrow Liz |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
My goodness, Claire ! This is so delicately stated, so penetrating ... no wonder it touches a heart. You have a lovely way of lacing the lines together. It reminds me of watching my grandmother crochet ... and then gasping in awe at the beauty of what she put together. I am in awe of this piece. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Really well written and thought out.....very nice work dear..... |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Helmut...you always have such poetic and kind replies. Thank you. Severn...I like knowing my words have touched someone the way you've described. Thank you so much for reading and sharing. Liz...oh how your words upon the ocean's expanse tumble 'round my soul and move my heart to dance! Thank you! Marge...I enjoy your analogy...my Grandmother taught me, also, to crochet when I was young and yes, I understand what you mean... the memory of watching in wonder while she wove her creation has stayed with me, as well. What a neat way of describing how you saw this poem...thank you! Toerag...I am pleased that you enjoyed reading this and I thank you for telling me so. Claire |
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U K Hero Member
since 1999-08-08
Posts 266England |
A lot of effort here and it shows. Much loved. |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
U K Hero...thank you for reading and letting me know you enjoyed it. The effort was not so much in the writing, as in getting to the place where I was able to write. Thank you so much tonight. Claire |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Claire: At first, I started reading this silently, as is usual for me. But halfway through the second stanza, something compelled me to begin again, this time reading it aloud ... I was amazed at how, despite the fact that the syllable count and meter are not "perfect" in the strictest sense, this flowed like silk over my tongue. I felt swept up by the tale you told -- and as I neared the end, I experienced something that, for me, is very rare. As I read the last line, my voice trailed off ... there was a fluttering beneath my heart and tears were dancing in my eyes. I simply have no words for what this made me feel, but whatever it was, it was wonderful. Thank you truly for this. --Kess Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Skye...your response has humbled me. I know of no higher accolade than to be told that one's work has had this type effect on its reader. Thank you so much. As for the form of this piece, and actually much of my work, it is written in accentual verse. I generally write for voice, and that is why, perhaps, some of my work is, indeed, imperfect in its syllabic metered count. It is written with the voice in mind, so its rhythm emerges as a result of the vocally stressed syllables, rather than from merely the "number" of them. Thanks again, Skye...you've given me a smile tonight. Claire |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
"I have searched within the darkness at the empty ocean of me." Wow, meadowmuse, I love that, just as I do the rest of this brilliant masterpiece. Your works continue to touch deep parts of me and awe me with your talent. This was no exception. Wonderful, beautiful, with a tinge of sadness. I am truly in awe. *Krista Knutson* ~*Like a lion, without fear of the howling pack, Like a gust of wind, ne'er trapped in a snare, Like a lotus blossom, ne'er sprinkled by water, Let me, like a unicorn, in solitude roam.*~ Hymn Of Buddha |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Such a beautiful poem, it flows like quicksilver and is just as mysteriously attractive as that metal. My words don't do this justice. Excellent work In flames I shall not be consumed, but reborn. -- Abrahm Simons |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Claire...I found this to be absolutely breath taking. You've told a wonderful tale and told it wonderfully |
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