San Francisco, CA.
I've spent the last couple of years,
Trying to dry my loves' and little boys tears.
They've struggled day and night,
Giving up everything, but the fight.
You see he's not really my son,
But that's in the past;what's done is done.
I've loved him since the day he was born,
And ever since, for him, my smile I have worn.
My world revolves around this little boy,
And everytime I see him my heart fills with joy.
To see his little dimples show,
To watch him look at me as his little smile grows.
"Mark, wanna take your shoes off?" he'd say,
As I'd walk towards him hugging and kissing him wishing I could stay.
His mother and I were once together,
Hoping I would one day be wed with her.
Times have changed, however, and so have we,
And together her and I could no longer be.
The love between us ended as quickly as it had begun,
Her reasons were for things I hadn't done.
The blame had always been mine,
And I'd always hoped the pain would be healed with time.
The one thing that I regret is that this little boy couldn't be mine,
Looking around me;in my dreams his face I wish I could find.
I can't help but cry myself to sleep,
My pain has come to its inevitable peak.
Someones been taken away from me,
Him in my life;it's the way it should be.
I fear that I can't watch him grow,
That I can't love him or give the love I wish to show.
I want to see him grow and one day say,
"Mark, you are a part of my life,
Even if you and mother never became husband and wife.
Can't you see that I need him with me,
Can't you understand that I need him for my heart to set itself free.
Please!Please!! I beg you,
Don't take him away;whatever you do!!
I need him!!
And I'll give everything up at your slightest whim,
Just don't take him; for my life will grow dim.
To you I whisper these soft words,
That it may hit some nerve in a series of chords.
That our lives are no longer about me or you,
It's about the life that is growing, the life that is new.
Give me the one thing that is owed to me,
Block the water that is running not allowing me to see.
Comfort me from these tears; this constant rain,
And for once, PLEASE, stop this "Step-in" fathers pain....
**Step-in father: I'm refering to someone who takes over for someone who refuses to be there for his family. I found out that the little boy carried by my love wasn't of my blood. And though it almost killed me, I refused to let a child go because of my selfish feelings I loved him and now I can't even see him. What else can I do, but hope that one day "God" will see what's true and give me my son. That's all I've wanted, since the day this all began.....
[This message has been edited by Mark R. (edited 01-24-2000).]