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Passions in Poetry

A "Step-In" Fathers' Pain

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Mark R.
Member
since 06-25-99
Posts 118
San Francisco, CA.


0 posted 01-24-2000 12:39 PM       View Profile for Mark R.   Email Mark R.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Mark R.

I've spent the last couple of years,
Trying to dry my loves' and little boys tears.
They've struggled day and night,
Giving up everything, but the fight.

You see he's not really my son,
But that's in the past;what's done is done.
I've loved him since the day he was born,
And ever since, for him, my smile I have worn.

My world revolves around this little boy,
And everytime I see him my heart fills with joy.
To see his little dimples show,
To watch him look at me as his little smile grows.

"Mark, wanna take your shoes off?" he'd say,
As I'd walk towards him hugging and kissing him wishing I could stay.
His mother and I were once together,
Hoping I would one day be wed with her.

Times have changed, however, and so have we,
And together her and I could no longer be.
The love between us ended as quickly as it had begun,
Her reasons were for things I hadn't done.

The blame had always been mine,
And I'd always hoped the pain would be healed with time.
The one thing that I regret is that this little boy couldn't be mine,
Looking around me;in my dreams his face I wish I could find.

I can't help but cry myself to sleep,
My pain has come to its inevitable peak.
Someones been taken away from me,
Him in my life;it's the way it should be.

I fear that I can't watch him grow,
That I can't love him or give the love I wish to show.
I want to see him grow and one day say,
"Mark, you are a part of my life,
Even if you and mother never became husband and wife.

Can't you see that I need him with me,
Can't you understand that I need him for my heart to set itself free.
Please!Please!! I beg you,
Don't take him away;whatever you do!!
I need him!!
And I'll give everything up at your slightest whim,
Just don't take him; for my life will grow dim.

To you I whisper these soft words,
That it may hit some nerve in a series of chords.
That our lives are no longer about me or you,
It's about the life that is growing, the life that is new.

Give me the one thing that is owed to me,
Block the water that is running not allowing me to see.
Comfort me from these tears; this constant rain,
And for once, PLEASE, stop this "Step-in" fathers pain....

**Step-in father:  I'm refering to someone who takes over for someone who refuses to be there for his family.  I found out that the little boy carried by my love wasn't of my blood. And though it almost killed me, I refused to let a child go because of my selfish feelings I loved him and now I can't even see him.  What else can I do, but hope that one day "God" will see what's true and give me my son.  That's all I've wanted, since the day this all began.....


[This message has been edited by Mark R. (edited 01-24-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Mark R. - All Rights Reserved
spiked
Senior Member
since 01-13-2000
Posts 886
Hammond, La USA


1 posted 01-24-2000 12:48 PM       View Profile for spiked   Email spiked   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for spiked

I dumbfounded
I feel your pain and understand as a father and as a step in father as well.
Hold on because there is love out there waiting for you.
Good things come to those who are deseerving.
devina
Member Elite
since 10-28-1999
Posts 3189
Northern Cali


2 posted 01-27-2000 04:01 AM       View Profile for devina   Email devina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for devina

You'll be in my prayers tonight Mark, I wish you the best of luck in easing your pain...all too often one or the other of the two parents get hurt...blood or not...just remember that one day you'll be able to see him as an adult and no one will be able to stop you then.

 Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...
Bossmans_angel
New Member
since 01-27-2000
Posts 2
Ohio


3 posted 01-27-2000 08:01 AM       View Profile for Bossmans_angel   Email Bossmans_angel   Edit/Delete Message      Click to visit Bossmans_angel's Home Page   View IP for Bossmans_angel

I can totally relate to your beautiful poem. My husband is a step  in father and I  thank god everyday  that our kids are so blessed to have him in there life. It takes a real man to be a father.You are in my thoughts
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


4 posted 01-27-2000 08:07 AM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Mark, this poem is heartbreaking, and your pain is so acutely expressed with it. Your initial willingness to accept this child as your own and your love for him now is a wondrous and beautiful thing. My heart is filled with your anguish, but also with hope and prayers that the two of you will be able to remain close.

Love and shared peace,

Dear LadyClaire

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


5 posted 01-27-2000 10:11 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Mark,
I can only answer the struture of the poem, which I enjoyed. The problem you presented is too complicated for opinion. But love is free and that you can give.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


6 posted 01-27-2000 10:22 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Oh Mark...this one tore at my heart strings. I only hope one day you will be together with the child you love so again. One doesn't have to be flesh and blood to be a dad.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


7 posted 01-27-2000 10:22 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Oh Mark...this one tore at my heart strings. I only hope one day you will be together with the child you love so again. One doesn't have to be flesh and blood to be a dad.
Mark R.
Member
since 06-25-99
Posts 118
San Francisco, CA.


8 posted 01-27-2000 04:15 PM       View Profile for Mark R.   Email Mark R.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mark R.

Thanks everyone, it means so much to me to know that I am well supported by my "Family" here at passions.  This has been a long drawn out issue with my ex and myself.  Things have never been easy.  However, though at times I feel so helpless, there is one thing I refuse to give up----and that is my hope.  Thank you again everyone; my love reaches out for all of you......
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


9 posted 01-27-2000 06:07 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

I don't know what to say to this. To find someone who will love a child that is not their own the way you do. I am just dumbfounded. My wish is that my children find a man who can love them as you love this child. Wonderful poem Mark.  
HelmutB
Senior Member
since 01-06-2000
Posts 989
Canada


10 posted 01-27-2000 07:44 PM       View Profile for HelmutB   Email HelmutB   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit HelmutB's Home Page   View IP for HelmutB

Life goes sometimes strange ways
It would be easy to say everything is happening for a reason.
I know that it would not easy your pain
I know it would not right to say
But if you love him so much...Love will find a way
Love always does
You have written so heart felt and sad
I do have two children (who are my children) that are far away from me. I only see them once a year for a week or two.
I do understand your pain.


 The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


11 posted 01-27-2000 07:47 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Heartbreaking... I do so hope you find some solution.
CrazyChick
Member
since 01-05-2000
Posts 134


12 posted 01-28-2000 02:04 AM       View Profile for CrazyChick   Email CrazyChick   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CrazyChick

Never give up hope!!!!!!!!!
great job, this is a very touching poem!!!!  
Mark R.
Member
since 06-25-99
Posts 118
San Francisco, CA.


13 posted 01-28-2000 05:59 PM       View Profile for Mark R.   Email Mark R.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mark R.

Marilyn, HelmutB, suthern, and CrazyChick..I thank you.  You all make me feel so warm and comforted.  I assure you all that with your help, I will NEVER, give up hope.....thanks.
RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


14 posted 01-29-2000 07:12 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

I read this the other day but my server decided not to let me post so I came and looked for it again...

Mr Big Heart: I think that should be your name cause this talks of lots of love for a child and a love that continues on...bless you

Hope it works out but I think it will..

HUGS

 Memories give you the power to collect roses in the winter...
Mark R.
Member
since 06-25-99
Posts 118
San Francisco, CA.


15 posted 01-30-2000 09:32 PM       View Profile for Mark R.   Email Mark R.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mark R.

Thank you RainbowGirl, though I must say that some people would totally disagree with you on that one.  However, I am very grateful that you can see the emotions reeling in between the lines of this poem...Thanks for the words of kindness...
Mark R. will be notified of replies
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