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Passions in Poetry

if only...

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elessar
New Member
since 01-24-2000
[First Post] 2


0 posted 01-24-2000 11:17 AM       View Profile for elessar   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for elessar

i see you everyday
but close my mouth to hide what i want to say
to say i love you with all my heart
and i never want us to be apart
yet i know you love another
i see your glances in the direction of the other
your laughing smiles
and flirtatious styles
these things were meant for me
if only...

if only you knew the way i feel
maybe i could open my heart to reveal
the feelings i have for you
the things i see which i love about you
your beautiful hair your beautiful eyes
that lock my gaze, that mesmerise
distract me from my train of thought
but i look away for fear of being caught
at stealing a look at pure beauty
if only...


first poem....pls i welcome all advice on improvements on style and rhyming structure


[This message has been edited by elessar (edited 01-24-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 elessar - All Rights Reserved
spiked
Senior Member
since 01-13-2000
Posts 886
Hammond, La USA


1 posted 01-24-2000 11:26 AM       View Profile for spiked   Email spiked   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for spiked

Wouldn't change a thing you've captured the true essence of what you feel.
I love it
Richard

[This message has been edited by spiked (edited 01-24-2000).]
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


2 posted 01-24-2000 11:30 AM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Welcome to Passions, Elessar! This is a beautiful poem and I also would not change a thing! Check your email for a special welcome!

Denise
fc
Member
since 01-18-2000
Posts 131


3 posted 01-24-2000 11:56 AM       View Profile for fc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fc

will ditto the above 2 posts and say this is perfect   welcome
Ted Reynolds
Member
since 12-15-1999
Posts 335


4 posted 01-24-2000 02:16 PM       View Profile for Ted Reynolds   Email Ted Reynolds   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ted Reynolds

Welcome aboard, Elessar.  Good to have you here.
Paul Hoekman
Member
since 12-28-1999
Posts 385
Harwinton Ct. U>S>A>


5 posted 01-24-2000 02:24 PM       View Profile for Paul Hoekman   Email Paul Hoekman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Paul Hoekman's Home Page   View IP for Paul Hoekman

Great Job!
Who ever this is your talking
about they better look your way
there is a very special heart
if they just turn their head.
One thing you can't hide here is your heart.
     This guy just makes me laugh!
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


6 posted 01-24-2000 02:51 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

I love the poem... and have nurtured more than a few dreams with those same two words. *S* Well done... and welcome!
Mark R.
Member
since 06-25-99
Posts 118
San Francisco, CA.


7 posted 01-24-2000 02:59 PM       View Profile for Mark R.   Email Mark R.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mark R.

Great job, wonderful poem.  Welcome to the family, I will expect more of your creativity on the screen.....
Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 09-17-99
Posts 1538
Canyon Country, CA


8 posted 01-24-2000 04:35 PM       View Profile for Echo Rhayne   Email Echo Rhayne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Echo Rhayne

Well, welcome to the family and I hope to read more beautiful poems such as this one soon!

 Just be glad I'm not your child! *evil grin*

 
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