One Who Understands
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Waiting in the Rain
There will be a night when I sit down and create a poem of joy. Sooner or later I will be overwhelmed with a sense of happiness and completion. Who am I to predict the day or force the day to come? All I know, is that day will eventually become reality. And I will cry. Thinking about all the lonely nights, I will reminisce on the times I spent alone wondering when the day would come. And tonight I sit here in the same state of mind wondering how long I will wonder, how long I will hope, and how long it will take for me to be completely happy. Even thought I have accomplished wonderful actions in my life, I am not full. Iím not for sure what the missing part of my life is. Maybe itís love, friends, spontaneousness, or family. I donít think I will know for sure until that darkness of me is filled with light. But I donít believe that I will go through life never understanding what it is that makes me complete.
If you have ever let yourself think for a very long time, you will discover that there is a whole lot more to life than your few problems. And in the great scheme of things, your problems are significantly less than what you perceive them to be. What may seem to be devastating in your life, may be a mere fact of life in the big picture, and may not be so terrible after all.
I guess where Iím confused is where to draw the line between what I want and what I truly desire. How does one know what is a real desire and what is just a temporary obsession? I guess that when I look back on life I will understand the difference between the desires for my conscious mind, and the needs for my soul. My question is ďWhy must I desire that of another personís possessions?Ē If I were never exposed to specific situations, would I not, at a later time, desire that same thing? I pray that I can see through my human instincts of desires, and clearly understand what I must accomplish with my soul. I think that if I can better understand what I can do best with my talents and find a way to use them, wich at the same time pleases me, I will be a more fulfilled person.
I hope that in 34 years, I wonít be sitting down and asking myself the same questions. I hope that in time I will be able to put together more pieces of my life and soul. Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to understand it well enough to ease the difficulty of someone else that is going through this same struggle. In the few years that I have been breathing on this Earth, I think that I have allowed myself to understand a great deal about life and my spirit. I am thankful for the influences in my life that have allowed me to think this way. And I hope that if I have a family of my own, I will be able to have the same influence with my children. I want to be able to look into their eyes and see that they are focused. I want them to be excepting and understanding. I want my children to have respect for everything around them and have dignity in themselves. I want them to be able to handle difficult situations without those situations distorting their thoughts and beliefs. I want my children to have appreciation for life. To enjoy everyday, and be able to look back on their past with a smile on their faces. And I hope they will be able to share all this with other people and with children of their own.
I have a long road ahead of me. Everyone does. But most of all, right now, all I want is to be able to share thoughts and experiences of laughter, memories, and good times with someone who appreciates them as well as I do. Someone who truly appreciates me. What I want most is to be able to have such an appreciation for an individual, I will look them in the eyes and cry out of the peace I feel when I am with them. Someone that can magically take the pressures out of my life and turn them into chuckles of laughter and smiles.
But until that day comes, I can only dream. I guess Iíll just waitÖ in the rain.