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Passions in Poetry

Wake up

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SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


0 posted 01-22-2000 01:53 AM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for SEA

I woke you up
in the middle of the night
everything felt wrong
I needed you to make it right

Instead you said
what's wrong with you
(I'm hurting inside
and you haven't a clue)

You don't know me
you don't know my heart
I needed your hands to hold me
- not push us apart.
-SEA-

© Copyright 2000 S.E. A - All Rights Reserved
Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 09-17-99
Posts 1538
Canyon Country, CA


1 posted 01-22-2000 02:11 AM       View Profile for Echo Rhayne   Email Echo Rhayne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Echo Rhayne

I'd be a butt if you woke me up in the middle of the night too Lol, sorry (thats only because its rare I sleep)...I like this poem, it says a lot, I think we all need hands to hold us instead of pushing us apart, so very well said.  

 ~*~ ^i^ ~*~ Love is such a lonely art, and death is but a taste. Minds are merely instruments that often go to waste! ~*~ ^i^ ~*~


bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


2 posted 01-22-2000 02:35 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Hi, Sea. I enjoyed this poem. One thing, though. I think the poem would be that much better if you really got inside the narrator's head. We know she's sad, but is it only because her significant other is being such a louse? I think it runs deeper than that -- his rejection is just another representation in a line of bad choices. I don't know where I'm getting that feeling from, but it's there. Keep workin' at it.

Mike
One Who Understands
Member
since 01-20-2000
Posts 252
Cedar Rapids, Iowa


3 posted 01-22-2000 03:22 AM       View Profile for One Who Understands   Email One Who Understands   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for One Who Understands

The endings to all your poems, never fail to make me smile
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


4 posted 01-22-2000 09:20 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Again, the final stanza finishes this off perfectly  
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


5 posted 01-22-2000 01:20 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

bsquirrel.....thank you for your thoughts....there is so much more to that poem, I just didn't have the words at the time to go deeper. I'm working on it! -SEA

One Who Understands and Hoot.... Thanks! -SEA
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


6 posted 01-22-2000 03:34 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

This is a beautiful little poem! I love it!

Denise
d.schultz
Junior Member
since 01-21-2000
Posts 43


7 posted 01-22-2000 04:05 PM       View Profile for d.schultz   Email d.schultz   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for d.schultz

SEA~~ I do enjoy reading your thoughts   However this poem can go both ways... I thought of a man... because when a man needs you it is always when a woman is not available... bad timing as I tell my husband   hehe....Again I do enjoy your work very much...
G. A. Webb
Member
since 01-21-2000
Posts 442
Stanton, California, USA


8 posted 01-22-2000 04:40 PM       View Profile for G. A. Webb   Email G. A. Webb   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for G. A. Webb

God knows that I know how that feels. I'm sorry to hear that you're in a situation like that, but I did like the poem. Good job!  )
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


9 posted 01-22-2000 04:46 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Sea,
So he pushed you out to sea? Well sail back again. Enjoyed the poem.
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


10 posted 01-23-2000 09:24 PM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

I know what you are talking about Sea.  You want to wake him up emotionally so he will share his heart with you.   I enjoyed your poem.   James
Lynn
Member
since 09-20-1999
Posts 321
Jasper, Alabama U.S.A.


11 posted 01-23-2000 09:32 PM       View Profile for Lynn   Email Lynn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lynn

I have to say that I enjoyed this a lot. As I do the others I have read.

 If time cannot heal your pain, you can always cry on my shoulder. ~Jenn~
 
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