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Passions in Poetry

look at her smile

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fc
Member
since 01-18-2000
Posts 131


0 posted 01-19-2000 05:24 PM       View Profile for fc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for fc

look at her smile
she's got it all
family, respect, looks,
and oh, what a heart.
she dances on air when she walks
presenting an invitation
for sighs, as they gaze at her thighs
just look at her smile

look at her crumble when
no one is around
sticks one down her throat and
holds the handle
as she watches her dreams
go round and round
and finally down
when no one else is around

look at her break
into too many pieces
some she can't even find anymore,
look at her break
when the no more need to hide time comes
ninety eight percent water
ninety seven of that tears
where do they all come from
when into the pillow they go
don't, please don't
look at her break

look at her scramble
in the morning mirror
she frowns, and says
too many you's to
put on just one face
look in the mirror
at her scramble

keys in hand
and out the door she goes
look at her smile



[This message has been edited by fc (edited 01-19-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 fc - All Rights Reserved
Denise
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Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 01-19-2000 07:01 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Wonderful poem about a heartbreaking problem that many deal with. I think this is just EXCELLENT
tulip
Member
since 07-04-99
Posts 324
unknown


2 posted 01-19-2000 10:12 PM       View Profile for tulip   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for tulip

Wow...I think you should share this poem..it's excellent.
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


3 posted 01-19-2000 10:25 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

You did an excellent job of putting all the emotions one can go through, the ones they show to the world and the ones they feel inside, into an excellent piece of writing. Very, very well done.
catslair
Junior Member
since 01-16-2000
Posts 48


4 posted 01-19-2000 10:29 PM       View Profile for catslair   Email catslair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for catslair

what a powerful statement of self loathing and crazy expectations.....well written i really enjoyed this..thanksyou
JTF
Member
since 08-09-99
Posts 325
France


5 posted 01-20-2000 09:32 AM       View Profile for JTF   Email JTF   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for JTF

wow ! ... Very powerful fc ... it touched me !

ok, I'll look at your thighs ... err, I mean smile *s*
Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 12-21-1999
Posts 5742
Southern Abstentia


6 posted 01-20-2000 09:39 AM       View Profile for Local Rebel   Email Local Rebel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Local Rebel

I think this is a marvelous representation of the mask of humanity!  Kudos to the author.

And a huggsz  
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


7 posted 01-20-2000 09:42 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

I wear a mask as I face the world
Though it is not one of the Halloween kind
But protects people from seeing the me I see
A sight that would scare them out of their minds.

You're not alone, fc (though I have to admit that this "she" doesn't have it all... my thighs cause gagging sounds, not sighs! *S*)
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


8 posted 01-20-2000 10:27 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

WOW!!! Masterfully written. Your words tell a story that is not so unfimilar to most of us. It's a powerful display of words along with a powerful display of writing talent. Well done!!

 At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. ~Plato
fc
Member
since 01-18-2000
Posts 131


9 posted 01-20-2000 10:48 AM       View Profile for fc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fc

will try for a bit more than a thanks all on this one lol
denise... the flushing her troubles without dealing with them was meant to be a symptom of her life, not the problem, but...I can see how it could be interpretted as you saw it. glad you liked
tulip... thank you much
balladeer... thank you, a compliment from a writer of your status means much
catslair....thank you
JTF...thank you...for the smile and the compliment
LR...thank you for the kudos...wonder if she will like who she finds when the mask comes off?
suthern...thank you, and nope, not alone at all, not when you have good friends  
hoot...thank you, you being impressed with me, is a compliment indeed
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


10 posted 01-20-2000 02:51 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Your writing is so straight forward and powerful with feeling.  I am impressed with your talent.
~ViXeN~
Member
since 01-09-2000
Posts 95
Guelph, Ont. Canada


11 posted 01-20-2000 09:53 PM       View Profile for ~ViXeN~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ~ViXeN~

wow, really great job on such a serious topic. well done, it really showed all of the emotions felt.
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


12 posted 01-20-2000 10:14 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

How sad. How very true. I knew someone just like her.... I tried to help, she refused.
SEA
Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


13 posted 02-21-2000 02:25 PM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corazon

I went back to read...and *sigh* I thought I was healing....but so far everything is the same...I gurss need to try harder...
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