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Passions in Poetry

Friendship

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Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


0 posted 01-18-2000 04:40 PM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Nicole

When darkness threatens the light of day
And closes upon my shrouded form
I canít but help to think of the ways
The rays of your sun break through the storm

For many years we have walked aligned
Through times of joy and heartache true
Which paved our road with ties that bind
Rendering each day a chance anew

I value in you, your strength and devotion
You stand up for your beliefs with pride
Nary a time will you spare your emotion
Yet taking life in with a graceful stride

Youíre never too scared to be honest with me
Always telling me what I really should hear
Always there when I want to run and break free
Comforting me with smiles Ė when come the tears

I thank the heavens for a friend such as you
For you, my dear, are the very definition of true



 May I never be too busy to help another's load,
Then I'll be drinking from the saucer 'cause my cup has overflowed.

--Author Unknown
© Copyright 2000 Nicole Adams - All Rights Reserved
Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 01-15-2000
Posts 2072
Tulsa, OK


1 posted 01-18-2000 04:57 PM       View Profile for Danny Holloway   Email Danny Holloway   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Danny Holloway

Oh, to have a friend such as this. I really like you expression. (and the picture too)
DH



[This message has been edited by Danny Holloway (edited 01-18-2000).]
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


2 posted 01-18-2000 05:06 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

What a wonderful tribute to a friend  
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


3 posted 01-18-2000 05:16 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

This is a wonderful and touching poem, written with such a reverent tone. Each verse brings something special to this piece. Well done!

Claire
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


4 posted 01-18-2000 05:42 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Yes, this is beautiful and a wonderful tribute to a true friend!  

 Denise

And slight is the sting of his trouble
Whose winnings are less than his worth;
For he who is honest is noble,
Whatever his fortunes or birth.~~~Alice Cary, ~Nobility~

Saxoness
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 07-18-99
Posts 1176
Texas


5 posted 01-19-2000 04:34 AM       View Profile for Saxoness   Email Saxoness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Saxoness

I treasure my best friend more than my life.

 "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


6 posted 01-19-2000 05:06 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

Striking m'friend!
Well written, (of course,) and pertinent to many. I for one know there are many times that t'were not for my best friend, I may not have made it!

 "O human race, born to fly upward, wherefore at a little wind dost thou so fall?"
Dante Alighieri
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


7 posted 01-19-2000 06:13 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Wonderful. Loving. And extremely well written.

K
Sonny
Junior Member
since 12-18-1999
Posts 41
Schenectady, NY, USA


8 posted 01-19-2000 05:40 PM       View Profile for Sonny   Email Sonny   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sonny

A beautiful poem for a beautiful friend.  One can never have too many friends, but best friends are more valuable than all the others combined.  Excellent writing!

Sonny

[This message has been edited by Sonny (edited 01-19-2000).]
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


9 posted 01-19-2000 06:35 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Satiate,
A wonderful poem, well thought out and well written. I enjoyed the read. Sy
tracie66
Member Elite
since 01-18-2000
Posts 4587
Victoria, Australia


10 posted 01-20-2000 01:52 AM       View Profile for tracie66   Email tracie66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tracie66's Home Page   View IP for tracie66

A beautiful poem....I would say that the lucky friend thinks it's mutual
PhaerieChild
Senior Member
since 08-30-99
Posts 1829
Aloha, Oregon


11 posted 01-20-2000 02:27 AM       View Profile for PhaerieChild   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PhaerieChild

I too have friend such as this and find it amazing how rare such friends are. This a beautiful tribute to that kind of friend. Very well written and would like your permission to print it out and send it to such friend with all credits to you of course.

 Poetry~ Words falling on paper, painting a dream.

Shawna R. Holder
Boise, Idaho


Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


12 posted 01-22-2000 10:24 AM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Now that I'm feeling better, and can actually think, here's the critique you were asking me about.

Your rhyme scheme is very well done, and you adhered to it throughout the entire body of this poem.  The message is very apty portrayed, with real-life instances to bolster the friendship image, lending the strength of mental imagery to tie the many aspects into a cohesive whole.  Also, the rhymed couplet was a very nice touch.  For these points, Kudos on a job well done!!

On the flip side, it appears that you wanted trochaic tetrameter (soft/hard, 4 beats/line), this assumption based upon the first few verses.  But as the work progresses, I noticed a flip-flopping between trochaic and iambic (soft/hard vs. hard/soft).  Also, in some lines were found extra beats, that when spoken aloud, threw the rhythm off, or made it seem forced if strict adherance to the original beat structure was attempted.  I understand that you have trouble sounding out beats, so here's a very simple guideline:  count the syllables and divide by 2.  Granted, this is oversimplification, but it's a good starting place.

Well, there you go.  I just hope that this helps out.  And BTW, wonderful job on overcoming your natural reticence and over-analysis to create a very touching tribute to friendship.  

Alicat


 As I sit here dimly thinking
Watching modem lights a-blinking
Churning out poetic hash.
Lord, in all Your piety,
Help me keep my sanity:
Please don't let the modem crash! --Alicat

Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


13 posted 01-22-2000 11:14 AM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

Thank you, everyone, very much!  

Ali  
I actually don't remember asking you to critique this poem at all, but I'm glad you did.  Your input is always welcome to me.  Thanks


 May I never be too busy to help another's load,
Then I'll be drinking from the saucer 'cause my cup has overflowed.

--Author Unknown
 
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