Now that I'm feeling better, and can actually think, here's the critique you were asking me about.
Your rhyme scheme is very well done, and you adhered to it throughout the entire body of this poem. The message is very apty portrayed, with real-life instances to bolster the friendship image, lending the strength of mental imagery to tie the many aspects into a cohesive whole. Also, the rhymed couplet was a very nice touch. For these points, Kudos on a job well done!!
On the flip side, it appears that you wanted trochaic tetrameter (soft/hard, 4 beats/line), this assumption based upon the first few verses. But as the work progresses, I noticed a flip-flopping between trochaic and iambic (soft/hard vs. hard/soft). Also, in some lines were found extra beats, that when spoken aloud, threw the rhythm off, or made it seem forced if strict adherance to the original beat structure was attempted. I understand that you have trouble sounding out beats, so here's a very simple guideline: count the syllables and divide by 2. Granted, this is oversimplification, but it's a good starting place.
Well, there you go. I just hope that this helps out. And BTW, wonderful job on overcoming your natural reticence and over-analysis to create a very touching tribute to friendship.
As I sit here dimly thinking
Watching modem lights a-blinking
Churning out poetic hash.
Lord, in all Your piety,
Help me keep my sanity:
Please don't let the modem crash! --Alicat