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Open Poetry #5
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angel girl
Member
since 1999-07-23
Posts 322
within a whisper...

0 posted 2000-01-15 02:10 PM


I sat on the crystal sand
And let the warmth enfold me.
The sun reached out its gentle hand.
Its melody played an unknown key.

The whispers of the sun touched the distant clouds.
Revealing brilliant colors no artist could ever describe.
The kaleidoscope continued-
As the colors began to collide.

I could smell the sweet salt air.
I could taste it in my mouth.
A soft sea breeze rustled my hair
And gently headed South.

The sun reached the horizon.
The colors began to fade.
One lone star appeared-
Marking this day’s grave.


 One touch of nature makes the whole world kin.
-William Shakespeare


© Copyright 2000 Liz - All Rights Reserved
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
1 posted 2000-01-15 02:44 PM


angel girl....I like your poetry, but posting so many in the space of 5 minutes will surely mean most of them will move to another page without being read. Try to time them so they aren't all posted at once... We do appreciate that as the members here try to read each post and it's so hard when someone posts so many in such a short time! We do have other forums for poetry..the Pub for instance if you want to post one or two here and one or two there!  Thanks for understanding!
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2000-01-15 03:47 PM


As to a suggestion for a title:

Skylight's Crystal Keys?

nice piece, thanks!

 Sunshine
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow



Rus Bowden
Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 139

3 posted 2000-01-15 06:31 PM


hi angel girl,

lovely lone experience of sunset, so how about "lone sunset"?

rus

Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

4 posted 2000-01-15 06:49 PM


Angel Girl,
   I'm thinking that an apt title would perhaps come from within the verses, too. I love your last line, and if it were my work, I would entitle it "This Day's Grave."
  The reasons? Well, it's a strong theme, the sunset as metaphor to life's end. But that it is "this" day's grave would suggest that there will be yet another day to follow. To me, it refers to allowing one's "day" (mistakes, regrets, weariness, shortcomings, etc) to be put to rest, with the hopeful notion that one's "tomorrow" will arrive bearing yet another opportunity for fulfillment, through one's own efforts and chosen direction.
  You've got a wonderful poem going here! Keep writing!  

Claire

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