First let me say, I'm glad you dropped that knife! Secondly, you have to find your own happiness, it usually doesn't come looking for you, so I say run out that kitchen door, and go find it! I know it's hard sometimes, and i don't mean to joke....I can feel your pain, and i know it's real. But seriously, find a little something in each day to look to for a smile...even if you just go outside, and look up to the sky, and breathe the air....hear the sounds around you, and thank God you're alive to enjoy !! Once life is over, it's over. You're six feet under, and that's it. Pretty final. I say your better off to find a way to look at the world around you, and even if you have to DIG to find happiness, it's better than being underground. Peace be to you! And welcome! Hope to see more from you!!