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Passions in Poetry

first poem entered... a little rough.

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~ViXeN~
Member
since 01-09-2000
[First Post] 95
Guelph, Ont. Canada


0 posted 01-11-2000 09:32 PM       View Profile for ~ViXeN~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ~ViXeN~


i wrote this poem about a friend of mine that was going through a tough time. fortunatley, unlike my poem, her story had a happy ending.

Tears of Silence


There once lived a girl
She lived a perfect life
She never showed any pain
She never showed any strife.

Something about her didn't quite fit
Or was just not right.
Though she never argued
And she didn't ever fight.

She'd face the world
With a great big smile
Her quirky grin
Was seen from miles.

She was very quiet
She was a mystery
Nobody tended to her
They said "just let her be"

She thought that nobody wanted to be around her
When she needed it most,
And needed the help.

She felt as though
She wasn't seen,
She wasn't heard,
She decided to take her life,
Without a word.

Finally they all saw
How she felt.
Finally they understood.
They, then felt it too.

They felt her pain that she felt
They finally heard the deafening tears of silence she was crying all along.

© Copyright 2000 ~ViXeN~ - All Rights Reserved
Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 11-02-1999
Posts 752
Torrington, Ct, Usa


1 posted 01-11-2000 09:34 PM       View Profile for Kevin   Email Kevin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kevin

welcome to passions =)

hehe and welcome to my icq list  

glad you decied to post vix
devina
Member Elite
since 10-28-1999
Posts 3189
Northern Cali


2 posted 01-11-2000 09:37 PM       View Profile for devina   Email devina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for devina

I think you have a very good story line going, just a helpful hint, to take the roughness out, combine and delete a little, other wise this is a very good poem:

There was a girl,
She lived a perfect life.
Never showed any pain,
Never showed any strife.

Just my take on this, I think your doing just fine, welcome to passions dear!!!!


 Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


3 posted 01-11-2000 09:55 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Welcome to the forum, Vixen.
I like your style.
Don't explain it ...
just write it.
Great gal !
~*Marge*~

 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

HelmutB
Senior Member
since 01-06-2000
Posts 989
Canada


4 posted 01-11-2000 09:59 PM       View Profile for HelmutB   Email HelmutB   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit HelmutB's Home Page   View IP for HelmutB

Actually very good I think
Welcome

 The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.

broker6
Member
since 11-07-1999
Posts 130
Bellevue, NE, Sarpy


5 posted 01-11-2000 10:02 PM       View Profile for broker6   Email broker6   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for broker6

few things leave us feeling so helpless.  Sorry.

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


6 posted 01-11-2000 10:50 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Welcome, Vixen - Your poem expresses your sentiments very nicely.  Check your email.
whiskey
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 12-28-1999
Posts 1302
Australia


7 posted 01-12-2000 03:00 AM       View Profile for whiskey   Email whiskey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit whiskey's Home Page   View IP for whiskey

This is a good first post, I like it  
Welcome to passions Vixen
Look forward to reading more from you
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


8 posted 01-12-2000 04:58 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Vixen, this is good, although very sad.
welcocme to passions!  

 What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
Samuel Coleridge


Majestic
Member
since 01-11-2000
Posts 269
houston, tx.


9 posted 01-12-2000 10:17 PM       View Profile for Majestic   Email Majestic   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Majestic

Great first poem...I'm glad the reality of your friend turned out better...
Eloise
Senior Member
since 11-27-1999
Posts 1115
Wyoming


10 posted 01-12-2000 11:24 PM       View Profile for Eloise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Eloise

Welcome to Passions Vixen.  Good first post.  Keep on writing.  
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


11 posted 01-12-2000 11:45 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Welcome to Passions, Vixen! Very powerful poem. I'm glad your friend's situation turned out better.

 Denise

Anne
Member
since 12-31-1999
Posts 78


12 posted 01-12-2000 11:46 PM       View Profile for Anne   Email Anne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Anne

I agree, it's a very good first poem.  You definitely convey the pain and tragedy of the situation.  I particularly like the last phrase about everyone finally hearing the tears she had been "crying all along."  Definitely a sobering reminder not to overlook the needs and sorrows of those around us.

P.S. Glad to hear your friend's doing better!  
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


13 posted 01-13-2000 01:31 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Vixen, Welcome to Passions. I have known the person you describe. Sometimes we think we know someone, and it turns out we didn't know them at all.
Very good first poem.
Liz
 
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