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Open Poetry #5
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first poem entered... a little rough.
| Open Poetry #5 |
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first poem entered... a little rough. |
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~ViXeN~ Member
since 2000-01-09
Posts 93Guelph, Ont. Canada |
i wrote this poem about a friend of mine that was going through a tough time. fortunatley, unlike my poem, her story had a happy ending. Tears of Silence There once lived a girl She lived a perfect life She never showed any pain She never showed any strife. Something about her didn't quite fit Or was just not right. Though she never argued And she didn't ever fight. She'd face the world With a great big smile Her quirky grin Was seen from miles. She was very quiet She was a mystery Nobody tended to her They said "just let her be" She thought that nobody wanted to be around her When she needed it most, And needed the help. She felt as though She wasn't seen, She wasn't heard, She decided to take her life, Without a word. Finally they all saw How she felt. Finally they understood. They, then felt it too. They felt her pain that she felt They finally heard the deafening tears of silence she was crying all along. |
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| © Copyright 2000 ~ViXeN~ - All Rights Reserved | |||
Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
welcome to passions =) hehe and welcome to my icq list  glad you decied to post vix |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
I think you have a very good story line going, just a helpful hint, to take the roughness out, combine and delete a little, other wise this is a very good poem: There was a girl, She lived a perfect life. Never showed any pain, Never showed any strife. Just my take on this, I think your doing just fine, welcome to passions dear!!!! Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Welcome to the forum, Vixen. I like your style. Don't explain it ... just write it. Great gal ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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HelmutB Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 964Canada |
Actually very good I think Welcome The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools. |
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broker6 Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 132Bellevue, NE, Sarpy |
few things leave us feeling so helpless. Sorry. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Welcome, Vixen - Your poem expresses your sentiments very nicely. Check your email. |
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whiskey
since 1999-12-28
Posts 1278Australia |
This is a good first post, I like it  Welcome to passions Vixen Look forward to reading more from you |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Vixen, this is good, although very sad. welcocme to passions! What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge |
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Majestic Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 264houston, tx. |
Great first poem...I'm glad the reality of your friend turned out better... |
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Eloise Senior Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 1096Wyoming |
Welcome to Passions Vixen. Good first post. Keep on writing. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Welcome to Passions, Vixen! Very powerful poem. I'm glad your friend's situation turned out better. Denise |
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Anne Member
since 1999-12-31
Posts 78 |
I agree, it's a very good first poem. You definitely convey the pain and tragedy of the situation. I particularly like the last phrase about everyone finally hearing the tears she had been "crying all along." Definitely a sobering reminder not to overlook the needs and sorrows of those around us. P.S. Glad to hear your friend's doing better! |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Vixen, Welcome to Passions. I have known the person you describe. Sometimes we think we know someone, and it turns out we didn't know them at all. Very good first poem. Liz |
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