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Passions in Poetry

My Second Post

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edgar_derby
New Member
since 01-11-2000
Posts 9
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada


0 posted 01-11-2000 12:55 AM       View Profile for edgar_derby   Email edgar_derby   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for edgar_derby

Girls

Insidious and badly dressed,
They hover round in covens.
When only 30 years ago
They were slaving over ovens.

“As young as five or six,” you say
“Oh no that can’t just can’t be.”
But they lure them with make up kits
And Barbies who can ski.

These “women” as they call themselves
Can stay away from us,
Cause underneath those sexy skirts
They’re armed and dangerous.

We’ve contacted the FBI,
Here’s what they have to say:
“They only way to stop them
Is to steal their hairspray.”

They say that men are “tools”
Only good for procreation.
Then maybe they should break away
And start up their own nation.

Womanistan they could call it,
And hold a plevicite
To form a constitution
And outlaw cellulite.

When the population dwindles,
Due to their anatomy,
Then I know they’ll learn to deal
With in-eq-ual-it-y.

The moral of this story honey,
Now pay attention dear,
Don’t be getting no ideas
Just go get me a beer.


© Copyright 2000 Scott - All Rights Reserved
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


1 posted 01-11-2000 01:02 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Humorous, but also tainted with misogyny. It reminds me of a Beastie Boys song by the same name -- though theirs' is more good-natured ... sort of. Though I can't really speak on the subject matter in glowing terms (if you wrote this as sarcasm or irony, it went past me), I can say you're good at setting up rhymes. One question though: what the heck does plevicite mean?

Mike, searching for his dictionary

(keep writing)
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


2 posted 01-11-2000 01:08 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

One more thing to add. On second and third readings, this really starts to lose its humor. Maybe it's just me, but some of the attacks in this poem are just as true for men (especially the one about women dwindling because of their anatomy). Again, if you're trying for irony or humor, you need a certain detachedness. No offense, but the way you wrote it, it seems like you believe it. 'K, I'm off my soapbox for the evening.

Mike
edgar_derby
New Member
since 01-11-2000
Posts 9
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada


3 posted 01-11-2000 01:24 AM       View Profile for edgar_derby   Email edgar_derby   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for edgar_derby

Am I allowed to reply to my own stuff?
I just wanted to put up a little disclaimer:
This poem was written to be read aloud to my high school english class in which i was the only male. it was only a joke.
thats it.
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


4 posted 01-11-2000 01:27 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Ah, high school! Say no more.  

Mike

I meant what I said before, by the way. Keep writing. That's the only way you'll know what you possess.
kitkat
Senior Member
since 01-11-2000
Posts 892
Nova Scotia


5 posted 01-11-2000 01:39 AM       View Profile for kitkat   Email kitkat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kitkat

Ah something for the mens club. It was cute and funny and a little bit true. But hey-get your own beer.
Denise
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Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


6 posted 01-11-2000 02:01 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

High School?! Hey....you ain't even old enough to drink! There will be no beer for you, dear boy!!! Clever poem, btw...what did the girls in your class think?!

 Denise

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