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Passions in Poetry

Holding Back (Reposted by request)

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hoot_owl_rn
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since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


0 posted 01-07-2000 12:21 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn


Holding Back

I will never again,
give myself wholly to another.
Even as I lay, languishing in your arms,
our bodies still damp with sweat,
naked, as the sun rises in the red morning sky,
part of me will always hold back.

Yes, those three words may pass my lips,
like the sighs that passed over them
moments and hours before,
when I cried out your name in ecstasy;
and I may even mean what I say, when I say them.
But, there will be a part of me holding back,
for to give you all of me
would be to lose a part of myself.

Yes, perhaps someday,
as we drink tequila on a sandy beach
in Mexico, watching the sky turn from blue
to orange beneath the setting sun;
I will tell you all of this and more.
Maybe, I will be surprised to find
that you too are holding back.

And as we reach the bottom of the bottle,
drinking to where only the worm remains;
when everything we've wanted to say, has been said;
'till we've convinced ourselves, as well as each other,
that we have nothing to lose by holding back...
maybe, just maybe, it won't be so hard to swallow.



 When you truly know the meaning
of the word Love,
you will also know the meaning
of the word Pain
~Javan




[This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 01-07-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved
Marilyn
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since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


1 posted 01-07-2000 12:27 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Words from my soul Ruth. They spoke of me the first time I read this and they speak to me now. You am I have travelled such a similar road. Your words often speak my life and my soul. There is one that I love unconditionally. It is because it is safe and the possiblities of pain are few. Manybe one day the distance will be nil and then we wil see if the holding back happens or if I can give freely of myself.

Bravo my friend.
manalive325
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since 12-15-1999
Posts 21


2 posted 01-07-2000 01:53 PM       View Profile for manalive325   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for manalive325

You have written this so well. I want to ponder over it for a quiet spell to drink all it shares. I see a need for definition here though. I want to know if holding back is a protective mechanism to prevent a further hurt and shields a heart. Or, is it simply assertion of personal power and not allowing oneself to be lost in another's shadow.  Nice Piece, really enjoy your stuff.
Denise
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since 08-22-99
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3 posted 01-07-2000 02:38 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Excellent, Ruth! I remember this from the first time...seems even more powerful now.

 Denise

Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


4 posted 01-07-2000 02:42 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Wow Ruth, this is expressed so perfectly. I recognized my heart there in your words.

 In the dew of little things,
the heart finds its morning
and is refreshed.
(ee cummings)
Elizabeth
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since 06-07-99
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America the beautiful


5 posted 01-07-2000 03:42 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

I love the last verse. Beautiful words, Hoot.

Elizabeth  

 "Boys and girls together, me and Mamie O'Rourke
Tripped the light fantastic on the sidewalks of New York."


Paul Hoekman
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since 12-28-1999
Posts 385
Harwinton Ct. U>S>A>


6 posted 01-07-2000 07:10 PM       View Profile for Paul Hoekman   Email Paul Hoekman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Paul Hoekman's Home Page   View IP for Paul Hoekman


              WOW
        as soon as I wipe
     the steam from my screen
I will tell you this is wonderful
and how glad you reposted it for us!
                Paul  
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
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7 posted 01-07-2000 07:23 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Thank you, Ruth. You cannot post this one too many times. These are true feelings, for sure.
whiskey
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since 12-28-1999
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Australia


8 posted 01-07-2000 07:27 PM       View Profile for whiskey   Email whiskey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit whiskey's Home Page   View IP for whiskey

Ruth,
Thankyou for reposting this so we all could read it , Its wonderful  
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


9 posted 01-07-2000 08:08 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Marilyn...thank you, I know this speaks your heart also my dear friend as we are so much alike. One day, I'd like to be drinking that tequila on that beach in Mexico with you (being there as two couples) when we both learn that to hold back and to love can't really happen.

Paul...hope I didn't cause any damage to the computer   Thanks

Denise, Martie, Elizabeth, Balladeer and whiskey...thank you all for your words  

Manalive...thanks for joining the forum here and reading my words. In answer to your question, I'd have to say that it's a protective mechanism. But, in turn the other holds true to some extent. I can't say this piece reflects my current train of though, although I still do hold back, I also see the problems in that and desire a relationship where I can give myself fully without holding back anything or having anything held back from me. Not sure if that makes sense or not.
Rosemary J. Gwaltney
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since 08-26-99
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northern mountains, Idaho


10 posted 01-07-2000 10:07 PM       View Profile for Rosemary J. Gwaltney   Email Rosemary J. Gwaltney   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rosemary J. Gwaltney's Home Page   View IP for Rosemary J. Gwaltney

I understand.  Anguish is anguish. It answers by no other name, and by no other means behaves the same.



 ...Living is ever like crossing rivers; finding a new life on each shore ... RJG
Grandma Jo
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since 01-02-2000
Posts 54


11 posted 01-07-2000 10:19 PM       View Profile for Grandma Jo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Grandma Jo

This is lovely, and so true in so many cases.  
JamesMichael
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since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


12 posted 01-08-2000 05:55 AM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

A beautiful picture and a it fits so well with your wonderful poem.  Once I've convinced myself that someone is right for me I find it hard to hold back.   I just want to feel those romantic feelings
...although most of the time I try to get romantic before they've even decided if they like me...which doesn't work so well.   What part are you holding back?
James
Elizabeth Santos
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since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


13 posted 01-08-2000 06:57 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Hoot,

This is poetry, just flowing from the heart, and -what a heart! This is a heart that has known the whole spectrum of feeling, this is a poet who has written the whole spectrum of emotion. This is a poem that has captured my heart. It is wonderful, Hoot
Liz
hoot_owl_rn
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since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


14 posted 01-08-2000 08:30 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Liz...I just want to say thank you for the wonderful reply. Yes, my heart feels many things...hopefull true love will be added to that list someday  

Rosemary and Grandma Jo...thank you both  

James...that's a hard question to answer. There are many things one can hold back. I guess I'm holding back enough of me so that when love is gone, I'm left with something...make sense?? Holding back for me is a difficult thing though as I am extreamly loving and romantic, but sometimes that self preservation thing does kick in. Not always a good thing  
Nan
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since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


15 posted 01-08-2000 09:47 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Oh yeah - We do take our past experiences into our future ones don't we???
Michael
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since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


16 posted 01-08-2000 10:23 AM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

Excellent verse, Ruth.  Love the ending, although Gen and I would be fighting over that worm...no holdin' back, there.  I hope one day it isn't so hard for you to "swallow", and you can give yourself wholly to another, there's no feeling quite like it in the world.


Michael
hoot_owl_rn
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since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


17 posted 01-08-2000 11:12 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Nan...how very true

Micahel...I wish that also, thank you for your kind words  
First__Knight
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since 11-08-1999
Posts 688


18 posted 01-08-2000 09:59 PM       View Profile for First__Knight   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for First__Knight

Another piece I enjoyed with pleasure  

 Being in love with someone is more than just saying "I love you"


CrazyChick
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since 01-05-2000
Posts 134


19 posted 01-09-2000 12:16 AM       View Profile for CrazyChick   Email CrazyChick   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CrazyChick

You did an excellent job writtng this poem. It truly speaks from within. Great job!!!!!
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


20 posted 01-09-2000 09:37 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

David and Crazychick...thank you both  
Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 10-28-1999
Posts 5247
state of confusion


21 posted 01-09-2000 11:04 AM       View Profile for Corinne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corinne

Very sensuous, yet somehow a bit poignant, too.  Says a lot about human nature, here.
Like how you keep bringing us to sunrises and sunsets, too.

Are we ever able to totally give of ourselves to another?  I'd like to think so, like to think that maybe next time, just see how wonderful the ride of life can really be!  
Maybe it is the difference between closing one's eyes on the rollercoaster or keeping them wide open, screaming, every sensation fully explored!

See how thought provoking your poem is?
(smiling)

Corinne
JamesMichael
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since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


22 posted 01-20-2000 09:53 AM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

Yes Hoot Owl I think I understand what you mean cause when I give alot it seems to eventually somewhere down the line hurt a lot.  People can not hurt someone that doesn't care for them....they hurt the ones that love them...thats been my experience.  James
suthern
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since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


23 posted 01-20-2000 10:14 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

And if you ever stop holding back
And offer all that you have to give
Only to be told "Stay Back!"
It would be hard to keep wanting to live.
So I hope you find a heart so true
That yours won't need further protection
Someone to heal the hurts of your past
Someone who sees in you, perfection.
RSEvans
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since 10-23-1999
Posts 1187
Tulsa, OK, USA


24 posted 01-20-2000 10:32 AM       View Profile for RSEvans   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RSEvans

Glad I got to read this!  perhaps you should read Blades of Grass...it's along these lines
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