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Passions in Poetry

The night you left ( Nate this is the one you asked for )

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whiskey
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since 12-28-1999
Posts 1302
Australia


0 posted 01-06-2000 07:52 PM       View Profile for whiskey   Email whiskey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit whiskey's Home Page   View IP for whiskey

This Poem is in memory of My best Friend David whom was taken at the age of 18, I miss him so

" The Night you Left "

Sirens sound
All around
Clock ticks
So very loud
You lay in pain
On my legs
Help is needed
Not found
I see you slip
Your eyes they roll
No longer conscious
I speak to you
You cannot hear
A tear I cry
I feel you drift
Away from this world
My grip Is lost
A knock at the door
Bursting through
Sirens so loud
Unheard to me
My love is gone
My friend is no more
You lay in sweat
Upon the floor
Why couldnt you tell
Did you not trust
My friend you are
Alive and in death
Never will I forget
That growling Night
That night that you
Left this life
A scream I sounded
When confirmed to me
A cry full of pain
Now left just memory
Of  a friend
The best I knew
Every year
I shed a tear
As I sit next to your grave
I talk to you
Do you hear
The life I tell you of
My friend I miss
My heart is lost
Without you here
I miss you




[This message has been edited by whiskey (edited 01-07-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Julie Nelson - All Rights Reserved
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


1 posted 01-06-2000 07:58 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Very nice Ms. Whiskey...I lost my first child nearly like this....she only lived three days, died in my arms......no sirens....it was at the hospital....this was a good one gal..........
Nate Dogg
Senior Member
since 11-15-1999
Posts 1691
Georgia, Fulton


2 posted 01-06-2000 07:59 PM       View Profile for Nate Dogg   Email Nate Dogg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nate Dogg's Home Page   View IP for Nate Dogg

This is a very sad and beautiful poem Whiskey. I'm sorry that your friend died. Your emotions are very, very, clear on this one. I bet you had tears in your eyes as you were typing this.

 Nathan
whiskey
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since 12-28-1999
Posts 1302
Australia


3 posted 01-06-2000 08:13 PM       View Profile for whiskey   Email whiskey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit whiskey's Home Page   View IP for whiskey

Toe , Thanks, I feel for you how terrible to loose a child Hugs

Nate, Thank you and Yes I did have tears rolling down my face, The memory of that night will never leave me
Denise
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since 08-22-99
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4 posted 01-06-2000 08:38 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

How tragic. You have my sympathies, Whiskey and Toe.  

Beautiful poem, Whiskey.
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


5 posted 01-06-2000 10:32 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Whiskey, the way you've written this piece, with short, finite lines, calls forth a sense of urgency and irrevocable tragedy, so appropriately revealing what it is to hold someone who's life is your very own, as they release their final breath. I'm sorry for the intense aching of your loss, but I thank you for sharing it here.

Dear LadyClaire

devina
Member Elite
since 10-28-1999
Posts 3189
Northern Cali


6 posted 01-06-2000 11:00 PM       View Profile for devina   Email devina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for devina

I can't remember a time when I had everyone I loved alive and well..Hugs to both you and Toe!!!  Heartbreaking poem.

 Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...
Deborah
Junior Member
since 01-03-2000
Posts 41


7 posted 01-06-2000 11:06 PM       View Profile for Deborah   Email Deborah   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Deborah

What a heart wrenching poem.  It just makes me realize how lucky I've been with my friends and family.  This was a very beautiful and touching poem.
        Deborah
Eloise
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since 11-27-1999
Posts 1115
Wyoming


8 posted 01-06-2000 11:23 PM       View Profile for Eloise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Eloise

Very sad and touching poem, whiskey.  Sorry for your loss. ((Hugs))
CrazyChick
Member
since 01-05-2000
Posts 134


9 posted 01-06-2000 11:55 PM       View Profile for CrazyChick   Email CrazyChick   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CrazyChick

I am so sorry. I was there when my best friend past away, i know how hard it can be. I wish you all the best!
Your a terrific writter!
whiskey
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since 12-28-1999
Posts 1302
Australia


10 posted 01-06-2000 11:56 PM       View Profile for whiskey   Email whiskey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit whiskey's Home Page   View IP for whiskey

Thank you to everyone your replies mean alot  
littleJas
Junior Member
since 12-22-1999
Posts 39
Australia


11 posted 01-07-2000 09:50 AM       View Profile for littleJas   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littleJas

This is so sad , I feel for you  
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


12 posted 01-07-2000 09:54 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Whiskey and Toe: My heart breaks for you.
whiskey
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since 12-28-1999
Posts 1302
Australia


13 posted 01-07-2000 07:52 PM       View Profile for whiskey   Email whiskey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit whiskey's Home Page   View IP for whiskey

Thank you littlejas and Suthern for your kind words  

[This message has been edited by whiskey (edited 01-07-2000).]
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


14 posted 01-07-2000 09:48 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Very sad  
Rosemary J. Gwaltney
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since 08-26-99
Posts 1064
northern mountains, Idaho


15 posted 01-07-2000 10:21 PM       View Profile for Rosemary J. Gwaltney   Email Rosemary J. Gwaltney   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rosemary J. Gwaltney's Home Page   View IP for Rosemary J. Gwaltney

Toerag- have you ever written of your two little girls?  I think you should, given the depths of your love and grief.  Such writings might prove to be masterpieces.




 ...Living is ever like crossing rivers; finding a new life on each shore ... RJG
whiskey
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since 12-28-1999
Posts 1302
Australia


16 posted 01-07-2000 10:59 PM       View Profile for whiskey   Email whiskey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit whiskey's Home Page   View IP for whiskey

Ruth and Rosemary thanks for reading  
Moonshine
Member
since 10-01-1999
Posts 269
Australia


17 posted 01-08-2000 01:15 AM       View Profile for Moonshine   Email Moonshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Moonshine's Home Page   View IP for Moonshine

Whiskey,
Great poem, very sad but beautiful!
(((((((Huggs))))))) I am sorry that you lost your friend and had to go through that experience. I lost someone close to me early last year and it totally rips you apart. You asked, in your poem, if he could hear you when you speak at the graveside? Yes! He can, cause he's all around you all the time - never forget that : )
cokey_95
Junior Member
since 01-08-2000
Posts 36


18 posted 01-08-2000 01:25 AM       View Profile for cokey_95   Email cokey_95   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cokey_95

I feel your pain the 3 yr anniversary of my moms death is upon me..it scares me
Cuddlez
Member
since 11-27-1999
Posts 434
Walla Walla, WA 99362


19 posted 01-08-2000 02:04 AM       View Profile for Cuddlez   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cuddlez

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I understand the sitting by their grave part. My friend died on April 27th and was buried on her bday (May 1) and I ALWAYS visit her graves and cry on both those days. It does get somewhat better though. I think its sad because I know she will never have her driver's license or kids. Thats the worst part.. What might her life have been like? What part of my life would be different if she was here?
Remember.......


 Time flies? Say it not so, time stays we go.
whiskey
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 12-28-1999
Posts 1302
Australia


20 posted 01-08-2000 02:23 AM       View Profile for whiskey   Email whiskey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit whiskey's Home Page   View IP for whiskey

Thanks to everyone all your replies are comforting to me  
 
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