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bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 01-04-2000 10:26 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

This'll be my last posted poem for a while. Tomorrow I'm gonna try and get some words on other's work started.

-silence is not quiet-
Nor does it excuse loudness' mistakes.
Laying your head on the greasy lunch table
After talking to the phone to prove your heart rate.

Pouring by cars on the 101
As if how you're paid matters and makes sense.
Only those with nothing to show
Are angered by the present tense.

And, oh, what anger. What spectacular sight
Empty like a Van Nuys taped for TV night.
Van eyes are all around pinpointing the dark.
Watch them swarmspeed by.

Show me again the sign on the hill
In the middle of a drythroated winter.
Coughing out gusts of sliding rain,
Pulling leaves down the seldom wet gutter.

Nothingness is a mistaken quiet.
Loudness does not absolve that mistake.
I put a blinking cursor over my reflected eyes.
Hey, whatever it takes to barely get by.

© Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


1 posted 01-05-2000 12:35 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Wow....this is definately a deep poem with many hidden meanings in it...I'd have to read it several times just to begin to skim the surface. Sometimes obscurity can be a good time, other times we make thing just a bit too obscure.
I want to comment on something in this though:
"I put a blinking cursor over my reflected eyes.
Hey, whatever it takes to barely get by."
Excellent lines although I can't say I agree with them. Sometime by wearing blinders, we not only blind ourselves to the bad in life, but also the good and sometimes we should do more than just barely get by, I myself would like to do far more than that  
Interesting post  
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


2 posted 01-06-2000 01:03 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

I don't consider the poem obscure. When I write, I have very specific images brought on by very specific feelings in mind. I'll admit, I don't go out of my way to make my words clear; I figure that's best left to the reader. Explaining your poetry is cheating. It's a way for the reader to remain safe instead of being cast into the unknown. I'm sure people would like it if they could ask Picasso about his work, but then, the work would lose much of its power; it could be easily categorized in the viewer's mind, generalized, left behind.

Having said that, there's one thing to be wary of in any type of art: masks. Never take art, or words, too literally or too seriously. That's when the fun is lost, and where most misunderstandings spring.

Mike
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


3 posted 01-06-2000 01:37 AM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

I like this piece, especially the fourth  stanza:

"Show me again the sign on the hill
In the middle of a drythroated winter.
Coughing out gusts of sliding rain,
Pulling leaves down the seldom wet gutter."

Your wordplay and phrasing make this interesting! I believe, also, that poetry is highly interpretive, in my admittedly naive and amateur opinion. In its purest form, it allows one to make of it what one will, and does that not promote creative growth and individual expression? Keep writing!

Dear LadyClaire
Felix
Member
since 12-15-1999
Posts 87
USA


4 posted 01-06-2000 03:01 AM       View Profile for Felix   Email Felix   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Felix

I'm going to have to disagree with you on the "cheating when you explain" thing...I totaly love it when I know the meaning of a peice of art or a poem...it makes it that much more special to me. That is unless it's obvious already. I really do like your poem by the way....and I do that same thing with my poems, I have a specific thought in mind when I write a line and although it may not be worded out for the reader I know exactly what it means.

 Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king, and then became one?

- Neil Diamond


bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


5 posted 01-07-2000 12:04 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

To use a cliche (a major no-no for any poet!), let's agree to disagree. Many thanks for your enjoyment in my work.
 
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