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hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

0 posted 2000-01-03 06:40 PM


Shattered Dreams, Broken Hearts

You entered this world
bathed
in a sea of amniotic fluid
and blood.

The delivery room
echoed
with cries
of despair
that came from my mouth.

Our dreams had come true,
and shattered
all at the same time;
when, rather than being born
into life,
you were born
dead.

Instead of being baptized
in the light of a stained glass window,
as angels watched on;
you were baptized
in the stark glow
of an antiseptic hospital room
by an angel in white;
who carefully bathed your body
then gave you back to me,
swaddled in a nest of blankets;
but there were no cries
to soothe.

I placed you next to me;
sheltered you against my rounded breasts
full of milk
to nourish your lifeless body.

My hands
lightly traced across the milky whiteness
of your still warm flesh
and gently stroked
your thick, black hair.
I placed my finger on your palm,
longing to feel
your tiny hands encircle it
and wept
when, like you,
they didn’t move.

Liquid mirrors of tears
ran in rivers
down my cheeks
catching the light
and reflecting my grief.

I held you,
for a brief time;
my eyes and hands
memorizing each bit of you,
till your picture
was emblazoned in my mind.

Then,
with a broken heart,
I gave you,
my angel,
up to God,
whose heart
was the first to break.


(Sorry, I need to add here that this was not written from my own personal experience but rather from the pain I've seen at the loss of my neices baby and professionally at the grief of parents whose dreams are shattered in a heartbeat.)


 When you truly know the meaning
of the word Love,
you will also know the meaning
of the word Pain
~Javan


[This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 01-03-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved
whiskey
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 1278
Australia
1 posted 2000-01-03 06:46 PM


So very sad, I dont know what to say, God is with you  
Seaangel
Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 167
Auckland, New Zealand
2 posted 2000-01-03 06:47 PM


Beautiful and heart-breaking, hoot.
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
3 posted 2000-01-03 06:47 PM


Ruth, the is so sad...and so beautiful.  Heartbreaking and touching too.  Very well done poem.  HUGS

Michael

Tamera
Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 121

4 posted 2000-01-03 06:55 PM


Beautiful, and so sad. Another good one, how do you do it?  
Tamera

First__Knight
Senior Member
since 1999-11-08
Posts 678

5 posted 2000-01-03 06:58 PM


Ruth your words always take me there in a flash......I seem to live in the poems you write and I can see every move...every flash of thought...every feeling.  Your words are easy to read yet hold deep meaning without being difficult.  And when I reach the end of your poem it was if I wake from a dream and can remember it all....sometimes to well......I was left feeling sad at this and I cried.  

 Being in love with someone is more than just saying "I love you"



Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
6 posted 2000-01-03 07:00 PM


I do not share your talent for empathy.  I've only been able to write poetry from my own perspective.  Prose -- a little easier.  But not poetry.

marvelous job!

Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
7 posted 2000-01-03 07:35 PM


dear hoot,

This poem sent chills down my spine and brought tears to my eyes.  

That you would and could share this most personal tragedy with us, leaves me speechless.  I'm not sure that I could, and I admire you greatly for being this brave.

Corinne

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
8 posted 2000-01-03 07:51 PM


**pause, take deep breath, wipe eyes**

This happened to my mother.  One of my earliest childhood memories is of her, telling me that had I not been there (I was one at the time), she would have killed herself in a fit of grief.  I have no reason to think that she would not have.

You have one of the most wonderful and terrible vocations in existence -- I envy you your strength but not your position.

Blessings upon you and the angels that you work with -- both the newborn ones and the real ones.

God this was heartbreaking.  

--Kess
< !signature-->

 You cannot choose the way of your death, but the path you choose will determine its own end.



[This message has been edited by Skyfyre (edited 01-03-2000).]

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

9 posted 2000-01-03 08:11 PM


I can't even imagine grief as deep as this must be. I am sitting here crying at just the thought of it. Your verse caputured all the turbulant emotion that must be felt by parents experiencing such loss. Well done, Ruth.

 Denise


RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
10 posted 2000-01-03 08:51 PM


Hoot: Again...or maybe my frame of mind...but you paint a picture that I remember here.

HUSG

 Don't ask me where I'm going, just listen when I'm gone and far away you'll hear me singing softly to the dawn.


Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
11 posted 2000-01-03 09:01 PM


Hoot
You are quite a poet, truly amazing, I would say. You will never teach me to write poetry like this.
This is so well written, and emotion wrenching, I would have guessed it to be your own personal experience. It's amazing, Hoot
Liz

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
12 posted 2000-01-03 09:04 PM


The emotion you can stir with your writing is of Olympic  proportions....once again, a beautiful piece of writing.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
13 posted 2000-01-03 09:30 PM


I just want to say thank you everyone for your all too kind words. I am either blessed or cursed with the ability to feel what others are feeling...when someone greives, I greive, when they cry, I cry, when they hurt, I hurt...not always a good thing, but it helps me to be more empathatic and most certainly helps in bringing these emotions across in my writing.
I will tell you what I know I'm blessed with...the most supportive, caring group of friends and fellow poets anyone could ever ask for. Thank you all  

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
14 posted 2000-01-03 09:42 PM


I'm crying Ruth....I'm crying
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
15 posted 2000-01-04 12:28 PM


I'm sorry Munda  
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

16 posted 2000-01-04 01:31 AM


This is very beautiful and heatbreaking,This makes me think of Mum, when my twin sister was still born, I can only imagine the heartbreak and grief that was upon her. You are an amazing poet Ruth, this is so beautifully written.

 What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
Samuel Coleridge



samsonheart
Member
since 1999-12-20
Posts 72
Missouri rez.
17 posted 2000-01-04 01:36 AM


I ditto everything said hoot, very emotional and expressive. Beautiful work of art. Thankful it was not from personal experience.

samsonheart

amber
Member
since 1999-06-15
Posts 240
los banos, ca,
18 posted 2000-01-04 01:38 AM


I have to say this is a very beautiful poem. I could almost feel these words and this babies hand as the tears spilled down my face. Beautiful!
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
19 posted 2000-01-04 01:53 AM


Thank you Dark Angel, samsonheart and amber  
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

20 posted 2000-01-04 03:19 AM


Ruth - I empathise with your ability to empathise! LOL ruefully - it can be a burden I know - but also a gift I think.

Well done on this - excellent and heartwrenching too.

K


 ...I am not a painter, I am a poet... F. O'Hara

DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396

21 posted 2000-01-04 03:41 AM


Once again words fail me dear friend. Hugs to you.

 Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvil©
-------------------------------------------------------
"Either kill me or take me as I am,
because I'll be damned if I ever change..."

Count Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade
(Marquis de Sade)


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
22 posted 2000-01-04 06:45 AM


Severn and Dream Evil....thank you both for your kind words  
Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495
Canyon Country, CA
23 posted 2000-01-05 11:24 AM


Why is it I always have to have a box of tissues when i get on the computer, oh yeah, cause of poems like this!!  Very emotional, amost felt like it was me you wrote it so well.  I think you captured the feelings of how likely your neice probably felt. You have such a pwerful way with your words, most excellent job, now excuse me while I go have a good cry!


 ~*~ ^i^ ~*~ Love is such a lonely art, and death is but a taste. Minds are merely instruments that often go to waste! ~*~ ^i^ ~*~

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
24 posted 2000-01-05 12:20 PM


What can I say Ruth? You are an amazing poet and a wonderful friend. I too wanted to go into a profession such as yours. I did not because of the torture of the soul. I wanted to work with abused children and found I did not have the strebgth for it. I would have taken all the children home with me and killed all the parents. It would not have been a good thing.

It is amazing that with all you see, you are still so loving and sharing.

All my love to you my friend.

EnciNo
Junior Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 12

25 posted 2000-01-05 12:40 PM


Very touching poem. Babies are keepers of the purest peace. So so sad when something like this happens to anyone.
J.B.SR
Junior Member
since 2000-01-04
Posts 29
Seattle area
26 posted 2000-01-05 01:21 PM


I agree with all above.I hope to be able to put some of my life experiences in print as touching as that.Thanx for sharing your talent.   Joel
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
27 posted 2000-01-06 05:57 AM


J.B.S.R., Encino, Echo and Marilyn, thank you all  
HelmutB
Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 964
Canada
28 posted 2000-01-07 03:00 PM


Ruth, dear you know me well.
To feel what others feel makes us rich. I think you are a lucky person to have that ability. My brother, god bless, was only 1 year old when he was called. Sadly, I was born 6 years later and never got to know him. But I still feel and yes I'am crying right now and feel no shame. You have put in words emotion's that have been burried for so long. Thank you.


 The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
29 posted 2000-01-07 08:11 PM


Helmut...I am sorry to have brought out memories you may not have wanted to be brought out, but glad you saw the emotions in my words.
Rosemary J. Gwaltney
Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997
northern mountains, Idaho
30 posted 2000-01-07 09:59 PM


Heartbreaking, ah, there are my long-ago babies, Aimee and Patick again. I feel deeply for your neice, and, of course, every parent who ever lived through this. A different kind of pain than losing them later on, which I experienced too, like the darling daughter I recently wrote about, but pain is pain.




 ...Living is ever like crossing rivers; finding a new life on each shore ... RJG

Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
31 posted 2000-01-07 10:54 PM


Friends of my parent's lost their first child at birth...this gave me a heartbreaking look into what they must be going through.  I too am crying...phenomenal work.  

 *Krista Knutson*

~*Like a lion, without fear of the howling pack,
Like a gust of wind, ne'er trapped in a snare,
Like a lotus blossom, ne'er sprinkled by water,
Let me, like a unicorn, in solitude roam.*~ Hymn Of Buddha



WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
32 posted 2000-01-09 01:26 AM





What can I say Ruth except you brought tears to my eyes! How very sad this is. What a touching piece also.

 <*\\\><
Where there is faith,
there is love.
Where there is love,
there is peace.
Where there is peace,
there is GOD.
Where there is GOD,
there is no need.

Hallmark



hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
33 posted 2000-01-09 09:42 AM


Rosemary....I am so sorry for all your pain. I can not even imagine the full depth of loss you must have felt. God Bless you.

Alwye and whtdove...thank you both very much for your kind words.

Lisa Graham-Marshall
Junior Member
since 1999-12-31
Posts 23
Nottingham. UK
34 posted 2000-01-09 09:54 AM


Im crying..
            It is the first time i have read a poem and wept. Thank you for sharing it.
                        Lisa x

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
35 posted 2000-01-09 12:27 PM


Lisa...I'm sorry my words brought you to tears, but glad I brought the emotions across that clearly in it...thank you.
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