How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #5 Archive
 Unborn
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Unborn

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
patchoulipumpkin
Member
since 01-01-2000
[First Post] 203
Bermuda


0 posted 01-02-2000 03:22 PM       View Profile for patchoulipumpkin   Email patchoulipumpkin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for patchoulipumpkin

You're out there somewhere
You exist, tightened, drawn by your will
You will be succesful at what you do
People will congratulate you
Tell you things that make you feel good about yourself
Constantly remind you of your beauty
You'll blush when you meet your girlfriend's parents and they say "Wow, he's a real looker"

You'll hear it all
Digest it all
And fear it all

You'll wonder who these people keep talking about
It couldn't be you, you can't be THAT great

The compliments continue
The anxiety continues
You start to worry about your role
You worry you can't live up to the praise
That sits around you in full bloom

Instead of modesty, you feel indebted by compliments.
Each one, an investment in your worth
An investement that you want nothing to do with

Agreements you've made, without shaking hands
Faces bounce blankly at you
Insinuating that its their time
Its their time to cash in their investment

All you have to do is smile
One nice, big smile, will pay off debt
Give people the fix they need to leave you alone
While slowly
Calculatingly
Distancing yourself further from who you are to yourself.

Your own private relationship has become public
The small moments
The highs of tranquility
The self-satisfaction of thought
Slicing away, penning your own personal insights
Have been compromised

"There is a leak in the system", a voice says
"There's a rat in the system", another one says
You know it, because you say it
You feel it

The personal self
The one deep inside
The bodyguard of your essence
Is under siege

Attacked by your oustanding debts
Who have come to collect
You realize the costs of being you
Absolving your debts
But it seems too traumatic
Too unearthing

At least this way, you are guaranteed feeling
Like a video game
You get a kickback of good points
A piece of security

"We'll keep you happy", the impulse says
"You don't need to worry"
"Keep producing, and we'll Direct your emotion"
"We'll give you as many smiles as you like"

You agree, but get more anxious
The more smiles, the more laughter
The more you realize they are stencilled
Contrived, manipulated by you
You have created them, you ensure they come to you
Even if they aren't from real people

They give you enough hope to move on
Produce another
But they never allow you to exist

In all the bursts and hyena pitches
none of them respond to you
They respond to what comes out of you
You are a vessel, a thruway

However much you twine your script
However much you re-create reality
It lets you out
It lets you breathe

Makes you feel like you are some thing
Rather than nothing


Hi there, i'm new here.  I've written some responses to some poems here, and am amazed at the quality.  Of course, i'm not on level with most others, in that i write prose more than poetry.  But like to try my hand at it anyway.  I liken poetry to little vignettes, small packages that lose force if put in a larger structure. Anyway, i'd love to hear back from people.. look forward to "meeting" you.
© Copyright 2000 patchoulipumpkin - All Rights Reserved
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


1 posted 01-02-2000 03:39 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Wow! This is great writing! I loved this poem....indeed, am still in awe! Welcome to the family! I look forward to reading more from you.  
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


2 posted 01-02-2000 03:47 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Welcome to Passions! I look forward to more of your vignettes! Very well done!

 Denise

Kevin Taylor
Member
since 12-23-1999
Posts 192
near Vancouver, BC, Canada


3 posted 01-02-2000 03:56 PM       View Profile for Kevin Taylor   Email Kevin Taylor   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Kevin Taylor's Home Page   View IP for Kevin Taylor

To change a phrase... First (post) but not least!
What a reminder... I thought 30 years would have buried that night for ever!

 Kevin
Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
4 posted 01-02-2000 04:18 PM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

This is outstanding writing! And I too, welcome you to Passions...
I am intigued about your signature name?...

 A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire!
Shannon


Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


5 posted 01-02-2000 04:23 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Welcome to Passions. I, like you, write more prose then poetry. This piece was wonderful and I am definately going to be looking for more from you.
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


6 posted 01-02-2000 04:29 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Hello, pp.....  

Ya know - as long as you live up to your own expectations of yourself, then you've given your all, and should be pretty darned proud.... Welcome to Passions - We're pleased to meet you...
Astraea
Member
since 11-09-1999
Posts 397
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm


7 posted 01-02-2000 04:37 PM       View Profile for Astraea   Email Astraea   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Astraea

Very nice!  Welcome!  Me like.  Lovely.

~Astraea

 "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness."

"Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things."

Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


8 posted 01-02-2000 04:57 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

patchouli, the piece you've shared carries the fragrance of intrigue, to be sure, and I am looking eagerly toward savoring more of your vignettes.
mama duck
Junior Member
since 12-31-1999
Posts 43
Northern California


9 posted 01-02-2000 05:53 PM       View Profile for mama duck   Email mama duck   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mama duck

Very nicely done. Welcome to Passios, it's a good place to be, I think you'll fit write in. Chris
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


10 posted 01-02-2000 06:17 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Wow.
Awesome work...

more please!

And welcome to Passions.





 ...I am not a painter, I am a poet... F. O'Hara
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


11 posted 01-02-2000 08:09 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Welcome to passions  
whiskey
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 12-28-1999
Posts 1302
Australia


12 posted 01-03-2000 12:43 AM       View Profile for whiskey   Email whiskey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit whiskey's Home Page   View IP for whiskey

Welcome   Wonderful first post
tulip
Member
since 07-04-99
Posts 324
unknown


13 posted 01-03-2000 01:07 AM       View Profile for tulip   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for tulip

Wow...what an incredible piece!
Tamera
Member
since 12-28-1999
Posts 126


14 posted 01-03-2000 05:09 PM       View Profile for Tamera   Email Tamera   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tamera

Incredible is the word! You have done quite well! Welcome! I look forward to reading more!  
Tamera
Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 09-17-99
Posts 1538
Canyon Country, CA


15 posted 01-04-2000 11:41 AM       View Profile for Echo Rhayne   Email Echo Rhayne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Echo Rhayne

Superb!

 ~*~ ^i^ ~*~ Love is such a lonely art, and death is but a taste. Minds are merely instruments that often go to waste! ~*~ ^i^ ~*~
Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 12-21-1999
Posts 5742
Southern Abstentia


16 posted 01-04-2000 11:50 AM       View Profile for Local Rebel   Email Local Rebel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Local Rebel

Very nice opening.  
Felix
Member
since 12-15-1999
Posts 87
USA


17 posted 01-04-2000 01:58 PM       View Profile for Felix   Email Felix   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Felix

Um well let me see if I can get this out...wow... Know that you aren't the only one out there that goes through this...I've had to endure it for a few years now...and trust me, I feel your pain. I've been wanting to write it out in a poem, but always got too frustrated before anything came out.  Thank you for writing it for me.
Can I borrow this for my poetry book?


 Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king, and then became one?

- Neil Diamond


patchoulipumpkin
Member
since 01-01-2000
Posts 203
Bermuda


18 posted 01-04-2000 02:06 PM       View Profile for patchoulipumpkin   Email patchoulipumpkin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for patchoulipumpkin

thank you very much for all your responses everybody, i was happily surprised because i didn't think it was as good as many of you commented.  So thank you for the encouragement, i really appreciate it, and also thankyou for the warm welcome to the forum.  It was nice because i'm aware that in some other forums, and discussion groups, there can exist a standoffishness when a new person comes along, and that person has to fight by him/herself to get some kind of response from others. So thank you very much.

Felix-My question is what is your poetry book?  Is it a personal book of various poetry, or is it something else?  Either way, I would be honoured if you wanted the poem.  I'm glad you found something of interest with it, and its nice to know others have gone through, and go through, the same thing.  
 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #5 >> Unborn Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors