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Open Poetry #5
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Paul Hoekman
Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 382
Harwinton Ct. U>S>A>

0 posted 1999-12-28 11:56 PM


  Please check out what a great job Hoot-owl
did formatting this below,much better than I had,You'll enjoy it much more this way.
  What a Hoot!



[This message has been edited by Paul Hoekman (edited 12-31-1999).]

© Copyright 1999 Paul Hoekman - All Rights Reserved
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
1 posted 1999-12-29 12:21 PM


Welcome to Passion's.
Lovely thoughts.

'caught a glimpse of the ocean before the sun helped it to the ground.'

Beautiful imagery in this phrase.

~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com



Astraea
Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now
2 posted 1999-12-29 12:23 PM


The imagery is wonderful.  Truly lovely.

~Astraea

 "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness."

"Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things."


whiskey
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 1278
Australia
3 posted 1999-12-29 12:33 PM


Very nice ,left wonderful pictures in my mind  

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
4 posted 1999-12-29 12:42 PM


Welcome to the family! This is full of lovely imagery! I look forward to reading more from you.  

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

5 posted 1999-12-29 05:52 AM


What a unique style you have - I like it!

Welcome to Passions.

    

 ...I am not a painter, I am a poet... F. O'Hara

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
6 posted 1999-12-29 09:12 AM


I really like this a lot. Welcome to passions. Might I suggest some possible breaks in the poem though, perhaps something like this:

It tumbled from a cloud
rolled over and over
and out of it's nest,
floating to the earth
in so much dark, yet illuminous.
  
Landed in a tree, top of a hill,
in colorful dreams
of soaring slept
into the morning
until something broke the chill.
  
Snowflake, special,
different from all the rest
and when you love what your doing
that's when you'll do your best.
  
With just enough light to see,
it listens to a distant sound
and caught a glimpse of the ocean
before the sun
helped it to the ground.

Now that drop stumbled
into a swift moving stream
like a tobogan, flume a rollercoaster
such an ultimate adventure
one wild and crazy screaming stream.
  
Snowflake, special,
different from all the rest
and when you love what your doing
that's when you'll do your best.
  
Finally flows into a river wide,
slow, bold and free,
heard so much about the ocean,
learned so much, met so many,
there's just so much love in the sea.

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
7 posted 1999-12-29 02:21 PM


I really like your train of thought here, Paul...

I'm looking forward to reading more of your work...

Welcome to Passions....

Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495
Canyon Country, CA
8 posted 1999-12-30 03:16 AM


Welcome to passions, and what a way to enter, enjoyed the poem!


 ~*~ Hell is not a place of fire and a devil with a tail and horns. But a place of torment because the light of God is gone. To escape this, accept the blood of Jesus Christ! ~*~


Paul Hoekman
Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 382
Harwinton Ct. U>S>A>
9 posted 1999-12-30 02:18 PM


I just want to thank everyone for your support,kind and helpful criticism,and just making me feel comfortable.
No one has ever seen my writing ,you all make me feel as though I should not keep it to myself(and kids)
         My sincere thanks,
                  Paul

HM3
Member
since 1999-07-15
Posts 169
TX
10 posted 1999-12-30 05:10 PM


Sharing is a good thing. I'm still learning that but it's OK 'cause I can play well with others so it balances out.
hoot_owl made it more structured and pleasing to the eye don't you think? Nice piece, a visual delight.
Welcome to Passions!

 Work like money doesn't matter, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching...


Tamera
Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 121

11 posted 1999-12-30 06:48 PM


Paul, this is really beautiful, and thank you for your previous comments on my work..I have recently just joined this group myself, and I think becoming quite "obsessed". hehehhee They are a great group of people, I am like you, feel very comfortable already..I can't wait to read more! Hugs!
RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
12 posted 1999-12-30 06:56 PM


I love it..   Really beautiful...makes me want to catch one in my hand and hold it till it melts into me..

HUGS

 Don't ask me where I'm going, just listen when I'm gone and far away you'll hear me singing softly to the dawn.


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