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Open Poetry #5
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whiskey
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 1278
Australia

0 posted 1999-12-28 09:51 AM


" Shall not Sleep"

I will not sleep
These feelings I keep
You will not tell me
Of the fate to be
I am lost without you
But lost within you
Your soul to mine
In frozen time
To hear its cries
Of self deny's
Inside I see
your face to me
To be and see
This inside me
A twine of time
Spent in your mind
So sleep I shall not do
Untill I know more from you


© Copyright 1999 Julie Nelson - All Rights Reserved
U K Hero
Member
since 1999-08-08
Posts 266
England
1 posted 1999-12-28 10:06 AM


well loved, simple enjoyable and excellent flow.
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

2 posted 1999-12-28 10:31 AM



Good description of basic and honest emotion.

"A twine of time
Spent in your mind"

~love this line.

caroline
Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218
http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm
3 posted 1999-12-28 11:06 AM


This is very lovely...a longing of the heart stands out in this poem. I've not seen your work before, so let me say welcome to Passions, and I will look forward to reading more of your poetry  

 It's not the love you fear, but the fall from the height~Edwin McCain



hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
4 posted 1999-12-28 11:21 AM


"I am lost without you
But lost within you"
Wonderful lines!!!!!

Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495
Canyon Country, CA
5 posted 1999-12-28 04:39 PM


Whiskey, you did a gret job with this one.  I can feel your emotion in this one!   Great job!


 ~*~ Hell is not a place of fire and a devil with a tail and horns. But a place of torment because the light of God is gone. To escape this, accept the blood of Jesus Christ! ~*~


Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

6 posted 1999-12-28 05:30 PM


Love this Whiskey, well done !!  

 What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
Samuel Coleridge



Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
7 posted 1999-12-28 05:35 PM


Whiskey,
Good job, enjoyed the read.

whiskey
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 1278
Australia
8 posted 1999-12-28 06:52 PM


Thank you to all for your wonderful replies  
Tamera
Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 121

9 posted 1999-12-28 07:41 PM


Whisky, very good work. It is amazing how love can render one sleepless. I look forward to reading more.  
Theraaven
Junior Member
since 1999-12-11
Posts 11

10 posted 1999-12-28 07:57 PM


Very pretty! I also liked the "Twine In Time"
Line...
Thanks

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

11 posted 1999-12-28 09:55 PM


Very nice!  

 Denise



destiny502
Member
since 1999-11-23
Posts 57
OH
12 posted 1999-12-28 10:09 PM


you have a very unique way of using words..its wonderful.  your write lovely poems from what i've read of yours so far.  and i'm looking forward to reading more!    

whiskey
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 1278
Australia
13 posted 1999-12-29 12:38 PM


Thanks everyone for your kind replies  
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

14 posted 1999-12-29 04:57 AM


This is written in such a way it reaches right in and gets you - great work!



 ...I am not a painter, I am a poet... F. O'Hara

Betty Gravitt
Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 222
Georgia United States
15 posted 1999-12-29 06:32 AM


"lost without you, lost within you". Beautiful lines. Whiskey this is so true. Wonderful poem.

 B Gravitt



Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
16 posted 1999-12-29 06:41 AM


Everybody likes the same line! Me ,too. I lked the whole poem
Liz

First__Knight
Senior Member
since 1999-11-08
Posts 678

17 posted 1999-12-29 07:14 AM


With these words I see the exact feelings I have had about a love.  You have put it all together and could easily share how this feels to another person with just these words....Even if they have never felt this way before.  Well done  

 I have learned that the pain of a lost love will fade, But the memory of having loved will last forever.


whiskey
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 1278
Australia
18 posted 1999-12-29 08:04 PM


Thankyou Im glad everyone liked it  
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