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Passions in Poetry

Goodbye Mother

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Beri
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since 11-25-1999
Posts 156


0 posted 12-26-1999 04:33 PM       View Profile for Beri   Email Beri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Beri

Mother, you left when I was only four;
Drugs and alcohol meant so much more.
Instead of your innocent children of ages four and eleven,
You turned to men, whether of names Frankie, Micheal, or Kevin.
To you, nothing but yourself even mattered --
Your brain cells long since scattered.
Everytime I thought of you,
I'd be left pondering without a clue.
As a child, I was so confused;
By you my beliefs were so abused.
I thought you left because of me,
I thought love for me could never be,
I thought myself a horrible child,
I thought that's why you were so wild.
I often succumb to the pain you cause
Because to you, there are no family laws.
You don't know you have to care,
You don't know you have to be there.
You left my brother and I with our dad --
That's another story, oh so sad.
He took us in and gave us almost everything;
We seemed to live a life fit for a king.
He showered us with material things galore,
But I was lacking so much more.
I wanted to feel that he loved me,
But once again that just could not be.
Because my brother is so much stronger than I
He has with Dad a much stronger tie.
He did not need to be shown affection
To know that Dad's lack of emotion was not rejection.
But for me it just was not the same --
I could not play my father's game.
He gave me a stepmother who took care of me the best way she knew how,
But she hurt me to the point that I'm still pained now.
I wish Daddy could have shown me he cared --
If he had I never would have even dared
To do half the things I did to get his attention
And I never would have caused so much tension.
Maybe I wouldn't have had to turn to lying and stealing
To get him to show me how he was feeling.
I hurt him in any way I could,
But, of course, that never did much good.
I've been fighting for his love for oh so long;
I've always wanted to feel that with him I belong.
Mother, it all started with you
And moved on to Daddy too.
Now you are gone from my life and to me that is fine,
But I still want Daddy to be mine.
Maybe one day, he will see
That in his life he really does need me,
But until that time does come around
To my own love for myself and others I will be bound.
So Mother, I say goodbye to your pain
And look forward to the love of the future that I can gain.


 If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its meant to be...



[This message has been edited by Beri (edited 12-26-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 Beri - All Rights Reserved
RainbowGirl
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since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


1 posted 12-26-1999 05:03 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

I'm not sure whether to make your pain worse by saying that was no mother or simply acknowledge your pain...guess I did both...not meant to hurt but children are so very special...I wish you all the love in the world and this it is given to you willingly and not something you have to fight for - ever again...

HUGS

 Don't ask me where I'm going, just listen when I'm gone and far away you'll hear me singing softly to the dawn.

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


2 posted 12-26-1999 05:28 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Excellent poem, Beri, about a very sad subject. You have my sympathy.

 Denise


Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


3 posted 12-26-1999 07:36 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Beri, Alcoholism is a sickness that hurts everyone involved. You feelings of guilt and blame were normal for a child, but hopefully you've left them behind. Rejection of any kind is the worst pain in the world. So what is your recourse? It is life, that keeps going on no matter what. And believe it or not, you are not alone . There is a heavenly Father walking along side you. And as you said, there is that hope of finding one who will love you, and that is probably what will happen. I'll bet you any money!
Liz
'
Beri
Member
since 11-25-1999
Posts 156


4 posted 12-26-1999 08:46 PM       View Profile for Beri   Email Beri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Beri

Rainbow -- I know she was in essence, no mother to me, so you did not make my pain any worse.  Thanks for the well wishes I needed that!  
Denise -- Thank you for the sympathy you have shown, its been a long road and yes a very sad one.  Thanks for the concern.
Liz -- it has taken me oh so long to finally understand myself in all of this.  I finally know that I only was taking the blame and not really at fault.  I do feel as though I am being guided by my heavenly father now and for that I am grateful.  Thank you for the kind words!

 If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its meant to be...

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


5 posted 12-26-1999 09:01 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Oh how sad  
sandgrain
Member Elite
since 09-21-1999
Posts 3657
Sycamore, IL, USA


6 posted 12-26-1999 09:40 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

It's wonderful how you write about this unfortunate, deep pain you feel.  It's one of the greatest things you can do for yourself...shared feelings are healings.
Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
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Member Rara Avis
since 06-07-99
Posts 7296
America the beautiful


7 posted 12-26-1999 10:21 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

Beri, I am sorry to hear about your mother, and I wish you thee best of luck with your dad! Have you showed him this poem?

 
devina
Member Elite
since 10-28-1999
Posts 3189
Northern Cali


8 posted 12-26-1999 10:58 PM       View Profile for devina   Email devina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for devina

Beri- just wanted to send my love along with everyone else.  When I was a child, my father was the same way, and it took me years to finally realize that I was not to blame.  I'm glad you're such a strong person that you can admit the wrong things your mother has done, just don't be so quick to hate, it'll eat you up inside my friend.  much love-D
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


9 posted 12-26-1999 11:41 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Children are always so quick to assume guilt and blame. That in itself is tragic. Best of luck to you.
Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 09-17-99
Posts 1538
Canyon Country, CA


10 posted 12-27-1999 04:23 AM       View Profile for Echo Rhayne   Email Echo Rhayne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Echo Rhayne

Beri, I send you many *hugs*  I simply jsut don't know what to say!


 ~*~ Hell is not a place of fire and a devil with a tail and horns. But a place of torment because the light of God is gone. To escape this, accept the blood of Jesus Christ! ~*~

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


11 posted 12-27-1999 04:39 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

I think is better answered to by a hug here and an e-mail shortly...
so ~hug~.

K
Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
12 posted 12-27-1999 10:18 AM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

Beri, my heart goes out to you....
I too am left speechless..
Big Hugs sent your way....
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


13 posted 12-27-1999 10:38 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Beri, your poem is so sad..writing is a cartharis to your pain, so don't hesitate to write more about your feelings.

As a note: I saw a story on 20/20 a couple of weeks ago about a girl who's parents were drug/alcohol addicts. The kids lived in horrible conditions..dog feces on the floor, eating out of garbage cans..no food in the house as the money all went to the parents habits..the mother died and the 2 girls were put in with an Aunt..one girl stayed, but the other took off..lived in the street..she vowed that she would not end up like her mother and began taking high school classes. One day, her teacher took the class on a field trip to Harvard. She decided SHE would go there....she wrote an essay for a contest sponsored by the New York Times and got a full scholarship to Harvard. She's there now!

Sometimes we just have to learn from our experiences and go one...take it one day at a time. I would give a copy of this poem to your dad and stepmom. You've done something very hard...put your heart and pain into words..now let them read and understand. It may help all of you.  Good luck! Let us know what transpires!  
Beri
Member
since 11-25-1999
Posts 156


14 posted 12-27-1999 11:59 AM       View Profile for Beri   Email Beri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Beri

Thanks to all of you!  Your heartfelt responses are much appreciated!  The hugs are too of course...!     I will keep you guys updated though, dont ya worry!  

 If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its meant to be...

Beri
Member
since 11-25-1999
Posts 156


15 posted 12-27-1999 04:05 PM       View Profile for Beri   Email Beri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Beri

Well you guys, this was written directly out of things that are going on around me right now.  I dont know about ever showing this to my mother, or to my dad and stepmom either...but maybe one day.  Currently my dad isnt speaking to me, and neither is my stepmom...I should probably let me brother read this though.  They all know how I am feeling and what I am going through, but they just do not believe it.  Maybe one day they will though.  Thank you guys for your concern...I was going to write more earlier but i didnt have the time to, thats why this is coming now...anyways, thank you...

 If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its meant to be...

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 09-16-2007
Posts 8075
Realm of Supernatural


16 posted 11-12-2007 07:51 PM       View Profile for Artic Wind   Email Artic Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Artic Wind

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND
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