Mother, you left when I was only four;
Drugs and alcohol meant so much more.
Instead of your innocent children of ages four and eleven,
You turned to men, whether of names Frankie, Micheal, or Kevin.
To you, nothing but yourself even mattered --
Your brain cells long since scattered.
Everytime I thought of you,
I'd be left pondering without a clue.
As a child, I was so confused;
By you my beliefs were so abused.
I thought you left because of me,
I thought love for me could never be,
I thought myself a horrible child,
I thought that's why you were so wild.
I often succumb to the pain you cause
Because to you, there are no family laws.
You don't know you have to care,
You don't know you have to be there.
You left my brother and I with our dad --
That's another story, oh so sad.
He took us in and gave us almost everything;
We seemed to live a life fit for a king.
He showered us with material things galore,
But I was lacking so much more.
I wanted to feel that he loved me,
But once again that just could not be.
Because my brother is so much stronger than I
He has with Dad a much stronger tie.
He did not need to be shown affection
To know that Dad's lack of emotion was not rejection.
But for me it just was not the same --
I could not play my father's game.
He gave me a stepmother who took care of me the best way she knew how,
But she hurt me to the point that I'm still pained now.
I wish Daddy could have shown me he cared --
If he had I never would have even dared
To do half the things I did to get his attention
And I never would have caused so much tension.
Maybe I wouldn't have had to turn to lying and stealing
To get him to show me how he was feeling.
I hurt him in any way I could,
But, of course, that never did much good.
I've been fighting for his love for oh so long;
I've always wanted to feel that with him I belong.
Mother, it all started with you
And moved on to Daddy too.
Now you are gone from my life and to me that is fine,
But I still want Daddy to be mine.
Maybe one day, he will see
That in his life he really does need me,
But until that time does come around
To my own love for myself and others I will be bound.
So Mother, I say goodbye to your pain
And look forward to the love of the future that I can gain.
If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its meant to be...
[This message has been edited by Beri (edited 12-26-1999).]