Of course, Frightened. I get frightened by the dentist and by hangnails. Of course, you're frightened. But I notice you're also funny, and very well plugged in to a wide network of loving friends. I notice that you have a pretty solid understanding of what's going on inside you emotionally and intellectually. I notice that even while you're frightened you manage to give as well as get, taking this ability, at the same time, totally for granted. I'll bet Marge Tindal doesn't take it for granted at all, nor do any of your other admirers.
I am simply saying the few things that come off the top of my head here, and without very much thought. Longer consideration would doubtless produce more. None of these things mean that you aren't scared, but they do mean that there's much more to the substance of you than that fear.
Doctors are by law obligated to place the worst case scenario in front of you when they talk about the operation. They have to do so because they need your "informed consent" to do the operation as a legal protection and also because ethically it's simply right that you know what might go wrong. If you are very frightened of that outcome, why not ask the doctor what the chances are of the outcome that you fear actually occurring if your doctor does the surgery.
I'm sorry to be going over this if in fact you've already gone through these steps. Sometimes when people are frightened, however, they don't think to do these things, even when they are very bright in deed. Anxiety is like a blow on the head. Often thinking become much more limited for a while.
Is the feared outcome as likely as you thought it might be? Or is the doctor somebody who needs to use dramatic language to make sure the importance of the procedure gets across to his or her patients? It may be possible that the outcome you fear may not be as likely as you fear it to be. Before you as the doctor, write down the likelihood that you fear. Sometimes when we aren't specific with ourselves our brains magic us a bit, and we don't remember these things correctly later. Keep clear written records of your questions and your doctor's answers so you won't need to repeat some of the same questions.
Ask yourself if the operation is actually necessary for the gain that you believe and your doctor has explained you will get from it. Then get a second opinion from a doctor that you find independently of your own doctor. Make sure you check out his qualifications as best you can. He should be affiliated with a teaching hospital, and hopefully be somebody that other doctors send their patients to for evaluation and treatment. When you're there, ask him about the treatment options, and ask him about the surgery proposed by your current physician. Bring your record with you.
A good part of the anxiety from this type of operation can sometimes be managed by finding some way of shifting yourself out of a passive role in relationship to the situation. Information gathering and research are two ways of doing that, but they need not be the only ways.
Active meditation and use of pre-operative hypnosis can off ways of helping speed recovery and dramatically lessening the amount of pain involved. For childbirth the hypnosis training is often started up to six weeks in advance, but can be done, I believe, somewhat more quickly if needed. I would check with the web to see if there is a physician trained in Ericksonian style hypnosis, which has been used for pain management. OB-GYN doctors have made good use of hypnosis. There's a book of papers on the subject that you may be able to find someplace by Cheek and Rossi. Cheek is the GYN guy, and Rossi is a clinical psychologist.
I suggest Ericksonian style because this particular style makes use of a person's own particular internal resources to use experience in a positive way, and it sounds that this may be an area where you might enjoy a bit of assistance. I thought I might try to offer some of these possibilities and ideas in addition to my prayers, which remain with you.