Listening to every heart
To all of the members who have known such love, such loss, and then experienced fate...
I have a story to share with you.
I can feel Robert nudging me to tell it a little faster, please.
My brother left us on Sunday, February 5. On February 6, my husband came across a co-worker's lab puppies for sale. She had brought two to work. One male, one female. The female was shy, and retiring. The male was all pup, lanky, loopy, loping, and full of love. [I'm sure the female was, too, but she was just...shy....]
CJ came home talking of this puppy....he was overwhelmed by it. This is a bit out of the ordinary...especially for a registered dog. We are prone to mutts, thank you.
Our own beautiful and beloved Abby is getting old...and I knew exactly what my husband didn't tell me - he's preparing for her exit, with someone to be left behind, to hug, and hold, and take in the sobs of loss. There has been so much loss lately...
but what CJ, my husband, didn't figure on, was some things outside the realm of real.
The papers show that this dog was born on 11-25 of last year. My brother's birthday.
You already know about the lanky, loping, loopiness of a 3 month old pup...much like my brother in his growing up years.
Did I mention the pup is a blond Lab? A "tow-head"...like my brother?
And that...if we needed one more check of "reality"...that it was less than 24 hours from my brother's passing to CJ's putting his eyes on this dog for the first time?
My brother loved it when I had to clean up his messes. Guess what?
The need for constant attention? Robert adored it. Yep...that too.
"What about Abby?" someone is asking. Well, Abby is being the Grand Dame. To give her the credit for her 12 years here, and 10 with us...she is accepting this younger dog...and will probably even teach him how to hold his leg just so.
Over the course of this week, when just seven days ago I wrote to my brother to tell him I would check in with him on Sunday, only to come home to his email, "can't wait to talk to you Sis! I'm really doing good! Have fun, and hurry home....Love, your brudder..."
I often wondered if he rhymed "brudder" with Scudder - he loved peanut butter so much....
Ah, for the young crowd, that's Laura Scudder's Peanut Butter - we had to buy 3# jars weekly. That was Robert's dessert after a two-helping meal...
Poets...do me this one thing, if you wish.
Come back on this coming Sunday...leave a balloon note that will lift itself to Robert, and light a candle of love. Down the road, there will be a day for me to go to his Memorial Service, when his family will know it is the right time, when they decide to let go.
I prayed to God some months ago to take my brother outside of his pain. Yet I held and held to his love and my needs of him, our late getting back together, finding one another before just this moment.
I love him so very much. He will never be so far away that I cannot touch him in my heart, nor in my dreams. Some people think that we should just leave the dead alone. I'm sorry. I don't think that way. I revel in memories...and in making new ones, every day.
My thanks and love to all of you...turn on your own heart light...take only the good from what once was, and turn the shine of it upon the world.
My love to you all.
" It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love