First of all, if you're trying sonnets, you ought to learn more about iambic pentameter. Nan's got some helpful guides in the workshop. Here's one about sonnets in particular: http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum22/HTML/000042.html
I also have to criticize your use of "Thou." Believe me, I'm a sympathizer, and use archaic language myself quite often (less often than I used to, I have to admit). "Thou" and "Thee" are the subjective and objective tenses of the word, and aren't interchangable. Think of their differences as being the same as "He" and "Him," or "I" and "Me." "Thee" will always go where you would say "Me", & vica versa.
If you're going to use it, you should also be consistent and realize the difference between "Thou" and "You." Even when "Thou" was a commonplace word in the English language, "You" was used for the second-person plural. The two later became different ways of referring to the singular person, "You" being more reverent in nature and "Thou" more familial.
Also, verbs following "Thou" are conjugated with "est." So, "thou should" should read "thou shouldest" unless it is in the subjunctive ("if thou should read these lines, know I am sad," or something like that, as compared with "thou oughtest to compare my lines to thine").
One thing I think you've done right is the solitary aspect of the sonnet, which is one of its primary concern. These accomplish that atmosphere of loneliness very well, despite their conversational nature. The next time you write a sonnet, though, I think you should attempt them in a more conventional meter.
"God becomes as we are that we may be as he is." ~William Blake
[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (05-06-2005 09:55 PM).]