By the sea
Poet de Vine and Mysteria are what this caring *home* has always been about. Yes, it's a home, not just a bunch of personalites, strangers, but true hearts.
The hospice visited yesterday and will be doing so again later in the week. They will be giving me a hospital bed for my room here and will be coming by to check on me, to see if there's any way they can make me more comfortable, be it medication, or just a friendly face, someone to talk with. I have to admit that I was impressed by their caring and felt they were very sincere.
The hospice worker I met was only given 6 months to live and three years later is still here helping others who are in need. I feel, even though I don't know his faith, that He's doing God's work.
I can't begin to tell Poet deVine and Mysteria just how much their caring is so much appreciated. They are both very great ladies, the best, the true heart of what's always made Passions the finest poetry site on the web. That caring and help is now helping to lessen some of the fears my family has been having, especially the fears of my only child, Chris. I applaud these wonderful ladies and friends. God made none any finer!
It's true I'm dying, I've finally accepted that, but at least I'll be able to do so now with some dignity still left intact and not suffer as much as I would normally have had to. That in itself is an abolutely tremendous blessing.
I DO have much fear, that's a given. I feel any of us would, especially those of us with young children. Even for those of us who believe in the Lord, dying is still a terrifying thing, but especially so when we're leaving behind a child we know we're not going to be able to raise into an adult.
I'll never be able to spoil my grandchildren, because I don't have any yet. I'll never be able to teach my son to drive. I'll never see him with his first girlfriend. There's SO much I'll never get to see and it breaks my heart even thinking about it. Right now I'm not voicing these things to family, but only trying to survive and stay as strong as I can for as long as I can.
I feel like a person on death row, but unlike death row, I'll not be given stay, after stay, after stay for execution. One night the lights will just dim and I'll be gone. I know that, can feel it now, no matter how hard I struggle against it. Still, I fight, I must!
I only wish I was able to adequately convey just how much each of you have always meant to me and how much I've always loved this home of ours.
God bless and thank you, my friends,
The stars will shine when I am gone,
the earth will turn on as before,
the gulls, still race along the shore,
the morning star, still kiss the dawn