it would be false if i were to tell you i know how you feel. i don't. no-one can. but i know how i felt when my daughter died, and i cannot imagine a deeper pain. i empathize as far as i am able, my friend, and i wish you strength in this time of sorrow. may the Lord bless your efforts; may he lighten your load, ease your way, and guard your path.
be strong; remember the words of Marcus Aurelius:
Nothing happens to any man that he is not formed by nature to bear.
you will make it through this, and we will all be here for you. let us lift you up, even if only in spirit.