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Passions in Poetry

Rules for Writerers

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hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


0 posted 10-19-1999 10:55 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

"Rules for Writerers"

Part I

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

16. Don't use no double negatives.

17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

"Rules for Writerers"

Part II

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is always theabsolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

32. Who needs rhetorical questions?

33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

34. Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.
And finally...
35. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.



------------------
This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends. ~Eurpides
Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 09-15-99
Posts 1312
That place with padded walls a


1 posted 10-19-1999 10:32 PM       View Profile for Systematic Decay   Email Systematic Decay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Systematic Decay

LMAO Hoot!

------------------
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-
Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 05-19-99
Posts 9708
Michigan, US


2 posted 10-19-1999 10:41 PM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

Great Post!



But I think #26 could stand some elaboration:

quote:
It's is no, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean
it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't
her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours
and theirs.

- Oxford University Press, Edpress News

merlynh
Member
since 09-26-1999
Posts 444
deer park, wa


3 posted 10-22-1999 09:00 PM       View Profile for merlynh   Email merlynh   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for merlynh

Just between you and the lamb post this is posted on. If I were to even consider this when I wanted to put something together. It doesn't happen. Sure it's alright to go back and clean things up after the freewriting is done. But keeping all this in mind before the start. It'll kill it every time. That's how it is with me.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


4 posted 10-23-1999 10:06 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

merlynh...it was meant simply in humor. Something I ran across the other day and hoped would bring a smile to a few writers faces
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


5 posted 10-29-1999 10:11 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

You can see I'm a few days behind in my reading...laughed myself silly!
Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


6 posted 11-01-1999 07:44 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

Lady Hoot: Ya'll just told Toe he wasn't allowed to write anymore. Now what fun would that be? We need somebody at the bottom so the rest of us don't look so bad. Fun stuff ya got's here... thanks for the laugh.
kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 02-06-2000
Posts 5323
singapore


7 posted 07-12-2005 02:25 AM       View Profile for kaile   Email kaile   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kaile

hey found this gem while random surfing

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


8 posted 07-12-2005 05:56 AM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

Wow! Posted over 6 years ago?

Kaile's right ... this is a gem.

ROFL ... loved this Ruth!
kayjay
Member Elite
since 06-24-2002
Posts 2334
Oregon


9 posted 07-12-2005 08:46 AM       View Profile for kayjay   Email kayjay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kayjay

Whyizit?  By the time I get to a great post, all the good words are taken.  

If you take these rules from Ruth,
And you know she speaks the truth,
You will write much better forsooth
And your verse will have more couth.

Well done!! Ken

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


10 posted 07-12-2005 08:46 AM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

I don't think I ever read this before either, but love it!!!


Thanks for bringing it up

M
sandgrain
Member Elite
since 09-21-1999
Posts 3657
Sycamore, IL, USA


11 posted 07-12-2005 11:31 AM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

This is great!  Thanks for sharing it.  I'll try to keep it in mind after posting my next offerings. LOL

   Rae
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


12 posted 07-12-2005 02:23 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Ruthie you slay me!  I think I am guilty on about all counts up there!  Oh well it is the likes of me that make you guys all look so dang good! Missing you for sure and that great humor of yours. (no ')
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


13 posted 07-13-2005 10:09 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Wow...1999, someone was digging deep
Trillium
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 03-09-2001
Posts 12129
Idaho, USA


14 posted 07-13-2005 09:58 PM       View Profile for Trillium   Email Trillium   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Trillium

This great!!  I don't think I will count the ways I have broken the rules!

Betty Lou
Joyce Johnson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 03-10-2001
Posts 10059
Washington State


15 posted 07-14-2005 10:48 AM       View Profile for Joyce Johnson   Email Joyce Johnson   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Joyce Johnson

What a clever writer.  I'm keep[ing this.  Joyce
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