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Passions in Poetry

Laughter as the best Rx

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Mysteria
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25 posted 08-27-2010 05:38 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Police Officer in Court

Q: Policeman, when you stopped the defendant, were the red and blue lights flashing on your police car?
A: Yes.

Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her vehicle?
A: Yes, sir.

Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
Mysteria
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26 posted 08-27-2010 05:44 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Now here's a challenge, take one of our "extremely old" insertable images and try to write a joke about it.  If your  joke-writing skills suffer, try to find one that would apply on the net.  The images are found here: Insertable images

Don't forget to insert the image you chose.

Keep them clean folks - family fun!
Mysteria
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27 posted 08-27-2010 05:59 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Example:  

A customer at Skippers Fish Store was always amazed at the owner's quick wit and intelligence.

'Tell me there Henry, what makes you so smart?'

Henry replied," Because you are good customer I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll become an absolute genius!"

"I sell them for $4 a piece", said Henry.

So, his customer buys three. A week later, the customer is back telling him the fish heads were absolutely disgusting, and he is sure not any smarter.

Henry told him he didn't eat enough of the fish heads.  So, the customer goes home with $40 worth.  Two weeks later he is back, really ticked and yelling at Henry.

"You sold me heads for $4 a piece when I can buy a whole fish for $2. you've really been ripping me off!"

"Well now see?" says Henry, "You're a heck of a lot smarter already!"
serenity blaze
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28 posted 08-27-2010 08:54 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

An old man and his wife had gone to bed.
After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football... I just scored."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressure's on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail.

Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he has, but instead of farting, he poops the bed.

The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"

The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides."

* * *

I didn't write it but the joke is so old it's now public domain.

* * *


Mysteria
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29 posted 08-27-2010 09:14 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Eweeeeeeeeee! Is that how you smell it - I mean spell it?  LOL ((*^))
serenity blaze
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30 posted 09-06-2010 01:55 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

And I wanted to thank you, too, Mysterian.

That clip of the baby laughing?

I was visiting with my mom today and I showed her that clip, and I haven't seen that smile, that kind of glow on my mother's face since I handed her my own babies years ago.

It was very special for me, and if you hadn't have posted it, I wouldn't have had the simple happiness of watching my mother being simply happy again. Thank you my friend.

Balladeer
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31 posted 09-06-2010 09:55 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I didn't get any sleep at all last night! There was a woman banging on the door all night, keeping me awake. BANG!BANG!BANG! I couldn't sleep.

Finally, around 3 a.m., I got up and let her out!
serenity blaze
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32 posted 09-06-2010 03:04 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze



I'm tellin' ya, folks--HENNY YOUNGMAN LIVES!!!



ty Mike
Denise
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33 posted 09-08-2010 07:47 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Commemorative Baby Doll:
http://www.ashtondrake.com/products/301426001_barack-obama-vinyl-doll.html

I wonder if it comes with a Birth Certificate like Cabbage Patch Kids?!

Balladeer
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34 posted 09-08-2010 11:55 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
       "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
       " Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
       " That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness  brewery."
      "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
       " I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
       Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
       " It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat Of Guinness Stout and drowned."
       "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
       "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
Mysteria
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35 posted 09-11-2010 02:42 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

OMG I saw this on our news yesterday afternoon, and killed myself laughing.  By nightfall, it was all over the internet.  This guy must have been in school a long, long time, you think?

Republican Running For The Office of Treasurer!
Balladeer
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36 posted 09-11-2010 04:00 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

hmmm...do e start injecting politics into this thread? Let me know....!
serenity blaze
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37 posted 09-11-2010 06:09 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I won't mind.

Karen has gone Rogue.

And yay...it's raining!

I think this calls for some Moscato, candlelight, and blues...

*A-haw, haw haw haw..*


Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy HEY!

Stephanos
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38 posted 09-21-2010 09:59 AM       View Profile for Stephanos   Email Stephanos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Stephanos's Home Page   View IP for Stephanos

Can't forget the Jive Medical Dictionary ...

http://www.jokersrevenge.com/vocabulary7.htm

I especially like the definition of Pap Smear.  lol.
Sunshine
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39 posted 04-28-2011 03:01 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

quote:
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

Sunshine
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40 posted 04-28-2011 03:06 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

Sunshine
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41 posted 04-28-2011 03:09 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

A Catholic teenager goes to confession, and after confessing to an affair with a girl is told by the priest that he can't be forgiven unless he reveals who the girl is. "I promised not to tell!" he says. "Was it Mary Patricia, the butcher's daughter?" the preist asks. "No, and I said I wouldn't tell." "Was it Mary Elizabeth, the printer's daughter?" "No, and I still won't tell!" 'Was it Mary Francis, the baker's daughter?" "No," says the boy. 'Well, son," says the priest, "I have no choice but to excommunicate you for six months." Outside, the boy's friends ask what happened. "Well," he says, "I got six months, but three good leads."

 
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