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Passions in Poetry

I Need -- Jokes!

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Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


0 posted 05-19-2009 02:07 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison



I am in serious need of some good jokes (clean ones, please).  I had to tell a joke at a meeting today and was unable to access the joke sites on line. I usually toss the spam jokes out of my email -- and I was hoping that some of my fellow PiP people could help me out so, in the future, I am prepared (like a good Girl Scout).  

Thank you.
Alison
Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 01-30-2000
Posts 2636
Sippin a Timmy's in London


1 posted 05-19-2009 02:52 AM       View Profile for Rex Allen McCoy   Email Rex Allen McCoy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rex Allen McCoy's Home Page   View IP for Rex Allen McCoy

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees..

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch!   What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."
--------------------------------------------

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.   Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me.   If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
--------------------------------------------

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


2 posted 05-19-2009 02:55 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

I love them both - thank you for making me laugh.  They will even pass the "Mom Test".

Alison
Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 01-30-2000
Posts 2636
Sippin a Timmy's in London


3 posted 05-19-2009 03:18 AM       View Profile for Rex Allen McCoy   Email Rex Allen McCoy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rex Allen McCoy's Home Page   View IP for Rex Allen McCoy

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,

"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman says, "I'll miss you...."
--------------------------------------------

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day, a good fairy came to
them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger.

Whoosh! Immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!
Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


4 posted 05-19-2009 09:03 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

I love the second one.  I guess I could look some of these up myself, but why not share the wealth?  Thank you for sharing with me.

Alison
 
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