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Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

0 posted 2008-04-21 07:10 PM

sorry to keep starting topics but ive been trying to "bond" with my dad for about two years now. we can never figure out anything to do so i never had a chance to actually know him. the problem is, i like theater and the arts, and he refuses to have anything to do with that. he also hates shopping. he keeps trying to take me fishing, and i am a VEGETERIAN!!! i cant seem to get that through his thick skull!

any ideas where we could possibly go?

it sucks cause its spring break, and im stuck at home all day. mom cant get out of bed and dad works all week except for wednesday, where he will abandon me yet again to fish with my brother.

i also cant do any real physical activites because im recovering from a pressure fracture in my back.

any ideas would really be appreciated!!!!!

HELP!!!!

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

1 posted 2008-04-21 08:23 PM

Go to see Nim's Island
You need never apologize for starting a conversation about connecting to another human being - that's a good thing!  Here's a few ideas for you:

Rent a movie
Play a board game
Ask him to go fishing for a change, and try it - it's fun!  Make it clear when sitting and talking you have no interest in eating it, but enjoy catching it, and releasing it.
Tell him the truth - that you want to find a comman interest and ask for his suggestions?
Good luck to you both

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

2 posted 2008-04-22 01:49 AM

Dear Jaki H,

          Have you heard about Amnesty International?

           It's an organization that does letter writing campaigns to help free prisoners of conscience.  Ideally, people in one country write to governments in another country and ask that x or y person be released or actually charged and tried or that they not be tortured.  The branch here in America has gotten involved in domestic politics, which I don't think is such a great idea because it may backfire if members write to their own governments.

     It is a good organization however and they do fine work and they put out good information.  You might consider checking them out.

     You might consider coming up with some plans that you and your father might do, either the two of you alone or with your brother that might be instead of or in addition to the fishing.  You'd have to do some research about what your father actually enjoys doing, and right now it sounds like all you really know that he enjoys is the fishing.  Why not do some research and ask?

     Compression fractures are painful.  Anyplace around there teach so very mild Chi Kung?  It's chinese movement exercise that's supposed to be helpful for that sort of stuff.  Also Wu style Tai Chi is supposed to be especially useful for healing.  There's a book you may be able to find at the library By Bruce Frantzis calledTai Chi: Health For Life.  He's a pretty serious expert in all that stuff.

     Hope I'm helpful here.  Best, BobK.

Essorant
Member Elite

since 2002-08-10

Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada

3 posted 2008-04-22 11:52 AM

Go out for a meal together.

If he goes for groceries, go with him whenever you are able.

Go for a walk together.

Go to a movie together.

Go to a museum or art gallery together.

Seoulair
Senior Member

since 2008-03-27

Posts 807
Seoul S.Korea

4 posted 2008-04-22 12:42 PM

quote:
ive been trying to "bond" with my dad for about two years now. we can never figure out anything to do so i never had a chance to actually know him.

Under this wonderful intention, do you think that you shall follow his interests for a while? Being a VEGETERIAN does't make you holy on refusing to go fishing with your dad. You might kill many ants or kill many bacteria by using the anti-biotic hand soap.

You may want to ask your father what he likes to do and do with him. Then gradually you will understand him more so you can find or build-up the similar interest. (You will be surprised to see how genetics magically works

)

happy spring break!

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

5 posted 2008-04-22 02:31 PM

I with Seoulair - my first thought was how selfish we can be to be upset at someone else for not wanting to join us in the activities we like, simply because we do not like theirs. Kinda hypocritical, don't you think? Give and take may work best in your situation - you do something he likes, he does something you like... never know, you may find you can enjoy those things, even if they're not your first choice. You can catch-and-release, after all - no need to keep the fish and eat them.

Britt_Brat
Junior Member

since 2008-03-05

Posts 37
Knoxville, TN

6 posted 2008-04-22 03:14 PM

Well what would do is to start out is ask him to sit and play a card game. Make it fun, make it for stakes. like he go vegateran for a few days, or week. stakes like that and yeah this way u both get to walk a mile in each others shoes. and if he don't agree than thats a good way to get him talking. Or you could join him in fishing just not fish. let him do the fishing. and u enjoy his company

Is it to be true that you would hurt me

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

7 posted 2008-04-25 12:02 PM

i appreciate everyones help, but ill be blunt here... i mean im vegeterian as in i cry and scream when i see someone hurt a fish... i know its a bit irrational but i just cant go fishing. last time i went with him i felt sick and spent the day trying to sleep in the cabin and i had to pretty much force myself not to sneak the fish back into the water...

and the problem is he hates board games and museums. he hates just about everything and im not lying... thats why its so hard. he also hates charity work of any kind, and thats pretty much all i live for. i honestly dont see how were related.

for instance, today,
-hes going fishing
-im auditioning for the NJ Shakespeare Theatre

we have nothing in common....

ps- my pic is on the theatre's website!!! im soooo proud!!!!! yay!

thanks again everyone...

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

8 posted 2008-04-25 12:03 PM

oh, and i asked him what else he likes to do. he didnt answer...

poetrywriters.net
New Member

since 2008-04-25

Posts 3

9 posted 2008-04-25 12:24 PM

It's simply really, you both have to sacrifice your "likes" and do something the other likes even if both do not have the same appreciation for it. If it's fishing, you suck it up and fish, you dont have to eat it, and then you convince him it's fair then to do something you like.

But you must make it clear it's a deal, you do something he likes, then he does something you like, and it can go on and on.

if neither of you can't do that then it will never work.

regards.

---------------
poetrywriters.net

Seoulair
Senior Member

since 2008-03-27

Posts 807
Seoul S.Korea

10 posted 2008-04-25 01:03 PM

Dear Jake H. so you think neither of you can't be changed on certain behave or certain mind setting. then what?

I have several VEGETARIAN friends and they all cook all kind of meat for their husband and children. Is VEGETARIAN a choice of diet or a religion?

If you want to get to get close to your father as you stated before, then I think the first thing you want to do is to stop judging your father.(he did not look like a nice man in your statement...) Try to find good part of him and appreciate him. Does he work and support your family? for only this, he deserve a applaud.

Do you know his view of this world? why he think like that? There many things that you can ask and get to know him better. truly.

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