In your dreams
Read this article before reading what I have to say.
About 75 years ago one of of my great aunts and her husband adopted a little girl named Sara. She was only 3 months old when they took her in their house. She had bright blond, curly hair. Unfortunitly she had separation and attachment anxiety. She wouldn't eat food and would tear wall paper off the walls. They had to put cushioning on the walls so she wouldn't hurt herself. She was very troubled and distressed.
About when she was seven years old the state wanted to take her bake into their care. By then my great aunt had put so much emotional investment that she could give her little girl up. Eventhough she was able to have kids later on.
She said for someone to give up on some one they loved as flesh and blood for seven years would be one of the greatest sins to both the child and herself.
So here I am left with the conclusion that this family was different from my aunts. I believe that this is a different time. I am left to wonder what would I do, and could I put up with the pain.
When I go on my own and get married I would like to adopt a child. Not to give the child a better life, but I want to love as many poeple in my life as possible.
I met my friend, who is a Korean Adoptee and who grew up in a irish family in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin. It was a place far enough away where I could not relate to her back round. She had so much pain inside and she was so bitter. When she heard of my family history of adoptions (there is alot) and heard that I wanted to some day adopt she became very upset.
I wondered for the longest time why she felt this way and why I was wrong. When I read this article I understood a little bit. I understood how much I didn't understand her, how she is constantly worried that she will be forgotten and left behind even though everyone says they will be there for her. My friend was filled with so much pain it hurt for her to love.
I am left with this final question in my head, what is the cost of love?
-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos