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Passions in Poetry

Beer And Evolution

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Ringo
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Saluting with misty eyes


0 posted 10-04-2005 03:00 PM       View Profile for Ringo   Email Ringo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ringo


Beer and Evolution

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization, and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on the planet, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball, because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe that Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. The liberals crept in after the wild west was tamed, and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

And you thought history was boring.

No, I don't believe what this says... well, most of it anyhow   however I found it too funny not to share.

When all is said
All is done
Still I live
And carry on-
Quiet Riot

Not A Poet
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1 posted 10-04-2005 03:10 PM       View Profile for Not A Poet   Email Not A Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Not A Poet's Home Page   View IP for Not A Poet

ROFLMAO

Boy, are you gonna catch a lot of crap though.
Mistletoe Angel
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2 posted 10-05-2005 02:45 PM       View Profile for Mistletoe Angel   Email Mistletoe Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Mistletoe Angel's Home Page   View IP for Mistletoe Angel



(giggles) I don't even drink beer, I'm a pomegranate juice and cold glass of water mixed with aloe vera juice, liquid chlorophyll and psyllium husk guy.

What does that make me? (giggles)



I mostly disagree with this too, but I am glad you shared this!



Love,
Noah Eaton


"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other"

Mother Teresa
Midnitesun
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3 posted 10-05-2005 05:27 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun


I have to disagree with you. It's indoor plumbing and the internet that top the list.
The evolution of beer might make my list if it weren't for the fact I blew up two cases of homebrew. LOL


yuck! Noah,  I like pomegranites but only like aloe externally, and won't say what I think about the psyllium, though I do understand the reasons for taking the stuff.

[This message has been edited by Midnitesun (10-05-2005 06:26 PM).]

Skyfire
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4 posted 10-08-2005 07:54 PM       View Profile for Skyfire   Email Skyfire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfire

mmmm, cowboys

Go Conservatives!!
ice
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5 posted 10-10-2005 05:24 AM       View Profile for ice   Email ice   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ice

"The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer."

At least one of our founding fathers thought so....:-) at least the beer part...

"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Ben Franklin

I don't agree with the rest of the topic though, and I don't believe old Ben would have either....but I did find it interesting reading..

-----------ice
   ><>
scorpio
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right...there


6 posted 10-13-2005 02:09 PM       View Profile for scorpio   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for scorpio

All this talk of beer made me thirsty...I'll think I'll drive to the beer store.

believe in what your heart feels...

Susan Caldwell
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7 posted 10-13-2005 02:42 PM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

".....and generally anyone who works productively outside government"


*sigh*

 
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