Floating gently on a cloud....
Well, the friend I was referring to in my "6 Months" topic has shown himself to be less of a friend than I previously thought.
I phoned him to see how he was doing and we spoke for a couple of minutes but not about anything important. Subsequently I emailed him because hearing him on the phone made me really miss him. His response was to rubbish me on a forum that we both happen to post at. He did it anonymously mind, but it was blatantly about me and the thread turned into one of accusation (apparently I was supposed to have reposted his post in another different forum...) and assumption (putting two and two together and making 4.5). If he only would have spoken to me, he wouldn't need to be believing stuff that wasn't true. It was hurtful. But at least finally I knew what he felt and thought about the situation, as he refused to tell me for the last six months. That was just over a week ago.
This turn of events has persuaded me to put him in the past. I did my best to fight for a friendship whose value I believed in; which meant putting aside feelings that weren't reciprocated. I knew the friendship was more important. Obviously I didn't do a very good job lol. I'm not bitter or angry, but I simply feel that he belongs in the past. In any case, I won't exactly be hearing from him any time soon!! I thought I would be more upset at this, but I am actually more relieved and more happy. I suppose I mourned the friendship since when he walked away from me six months ago so maybe have done enough severe hurting. I feel sad from time to time about it now, but nothing serious. I take solace in the fact that I did my best. And that I didn't do what he accused me of and therefore I am not the one with the problem. I feel sad that the friendship is over, but happy that finally the chapter is closed. I don't know what I would do if he came back in the future and wanted to be friends again, but that isn't really a concern right now because to all intents and purposes it doesn't look like it's gonna happen!
I feel like I don't know him though.... is he the friend that was such a good friend, or the hard, uncaring creature who refused to have anything to do with me because he couldn't cope with me caring about him? Perhaps it doesn't matter though...
Life goes on.
Sorry this is such a long ramble...but thanks for reading, if you get this far!
"Time has told me not to ask for more, one day our ocean will find its shore" ~Nick Drake