Floating gently on a cloud....
Well nearly. That's how long it's been since one of my friends turned his back on me. It was complicated. I guess I messed up, I cared too much. These things happen. You move on. Learn to be happy without the part of you that seems to have been torn away. But it's always there... and then you see something, or someone says something or you read something and it triggers off some kind of emotional allergic reaction! That happened to me this evening and I sat here bawling my eyes out for a few minutes. And then it was done and all the emotion receded back into the cracks and acceptance reigned once more.
Yet although it fades, it seems just as hurtful albeit in a different way, as the day it happened. Someone who was my friend, and a very dear friend, isn't my friend anymore. But I still care so much. And I know there is nothing I can do. I have tried. But the only thing left to do is nothing...and maybe one day we would be friends again. I know he cares about me. He asks after me through someone he knows who I also know. If he wants to know that I am ok, then he can't be indifferent to me. And when I went through a traumatic experience, although he didn't come through as a friend, he replied at length to a post I wrote about it in a different forum than here, at my prompting. So he does care. But he won't be my friend. Anyway I am just rambling...today it hurt me some. Today I thought of this time a year ago, when I spent a lovely day with him, came across an old diary entry and boom! Ouch.
Nearly six months. The next six...well they won't have the trauma of the time directly following the break off at least. Just the long-term hurt. Time is supposed to heal though...but how much does it take??...
Oh well, whoever read this...thanks...dun worry I'm not expecting any answers or anything, I know better than that!
"Time has told me not to ask for more, one day our ocean will find its shore" ~Nick Drake