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Passions in Poetry

The Lamest Poem You Ever Wrote, Is --

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Ratleader
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0 posted 03-05-2005 09:52 AM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Just wondering..... what's the lamest poem you ever wrote -- I mean, the one that makes you cringe now just to think of it?

C'mon, time to fess-up......


Meaning it's time for ME to fess-up too: Here's my hands-down-least-of-the-least...... Written, and POSTED -- at a discussion group I used to belong to, when I was a die-hard fan of "Star Trek: Voyager".....


Being Neelix
(with apologies to Kermit....)

It’s not that easy, being Neelix....
Having to spend each day the the color of the bulkheads,
when it would be so much nicer to be Doc, or Tom or Harry,
or someone much more colorful like that.....

It’s not that easy being Neelix,
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things,
and people tend to pass you over,
‘cause you’re not standing out like Seven’s super superstructure
or stars in the sky....

But Neelix is the color of me,
and Neelix is cool and friendly-like;
and Neelix makes coffee for the Captain, banana pancakes for B’Elanna,
and he gets to stand in front of Tuvok....

When Neelix is all there is to be
it could make you wonder why, but why wonder why....
I am Neelix and it’ll do fine; I’m a goober, but
I think that’s what I want to be....


OK, NOW IT'S YOUR TURN!
Poet deVine
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1 posted 03-05-2005 09:57 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

You asked for it:


Oh dear, my friend, you will never believe it!
My face is grotesque! I have a huge zit.
Right there on my jaw for all to see
it’s as big as my face, quite literally!

Tonight at dinner I turned my head
and smacked a guy who almost fled!
His glasses went flying, he nearly choked
he looked ready to kill me - I waited to get poked!

Though I try really hard to squeeze out a pop
I can’t get that thing to let loose of one drop!
I’ve even tried using my Ginzu knife!
Maybe it’s there for the rest of my life.

I’ll buy it a wig and draw on a face
and proudly display it every place.
Just think of it this way, I’m never alone
I’ll have in my zit, a chaperone!


**

and I proudly admit that SEVERAL members here joined in with zit poems of their own..it was nauseating! LOL
http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum2/HTML/000205.html
Not A Poet
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since 11-03-1999
Posts 4427
Oklahoma, USA


2 posted 03-05-2005 09:58 AM       View Profile for Not A Poet   Email Not A Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Not A Poet's Home Page   View IP for Not A Poet

No way! Not gonna happen! Sorry!

Pete

Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr

Sunshine
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Listening to every heart


3 posted 03-05-2005 10:11 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Gads...did you really ask for this? Sigh...
the things I do for brothers!


K! Long Live Queen K!

I am most assuredly one of those who reign
A scepter in this hand, and nothing’s quite the same
For even if I am careful, I’ll surely get a bop
For this thing I’m wielding, shall surely hit my top!

I am very splendidly a being of admire
When I am so careful in my very fine attire
Here’s a run in my stocking, from tip of toe on up!
And a goodly chip has found it’s way onto my coffee cup!

Just today I crowned my best,
As life this morn was for my test!
First I started at foot and leg, a bruising just to show
I can glow in anything, from tippie top to toe!

I collected bruises, just to know I’m here
One upon my forearm, and one upon my rear!
One found my thigh all right, another on my … chest,
Today I crowned my everyplace, a queen quite at her best!

I’m the Queen of Klutz, and my kingdom is my grace!
I am quite the lucky one, I didn’t land upon my face!
Ratleader
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4 posted 03-05-2005 11:20 AM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

AAUGH!

Outdone twice....Oh why do we do these things to ourselves?!?

.....gotta go find my space shuttle limerick....now where did I put that thing.....

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Marshalzu
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Lurking


5 posted 03-05-2005 11:46 AM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

All of them?
Sunshine
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6 posted 03-05-2005 12:03 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

As this received ZIP replies, I guess it's one of my lamest...

I've NO shame...

Keep it in, keep it in,
do not let him see you cry.
No matter what spews from his mouth,
look him eye to eye.

He doesn’t like the way you lived life
so many moons ago,
but for some reason he made you his wife
‘tho sometimes you wished ‘twasn’t so.

Oh you love him, you know it
and you’ve got reason to show it;
he’s just got a mouth and a stoic mind
Nevertheless you think him blind.

Outspoken and outstanding,
so he shall always be;
Don’t you let him see you crying
for the you you’ve come to be.

09 Aug 99
Ringo
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7 posted 03-05-2005 01:57 PM       View Profile for Ringo   Email Ringo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ringo

Read most of my submissions here... Any of them would actually suffice.  lol

Actually, I wrote one for another "poetry" site *cough* poetry dot com *cough* just to prove to a friend that it might not be as legitimate as claimed. IT went something like:

Poetry is what I write
Poetry both day and night
Poetry gets into my head
I even write poetry in bed.

Those might not be the exact words, however it is close.

In the wooden chair
Beside my window
I wear a face born in the falling rain

Aenimal
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since 11-18-2002
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the ass-end of space


8 posted 03-05-2005 02:45 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

just one? 95% of my posts here from (archives 22 to 27or8) are incredibly lame writes, but after that i managed to raise the bar and achieve a solid level of mediocrity
Poet deVine
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9 posted 03-05-2005 03:48 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Oh Ringo!! Your words make me swoon! LOL


I think everyone has some klinkers - how can we get better if we don't start out badly? MOST of what I've written is horrible. I cringe when I read it now. Even Shakespeare had some bad days!
serenity blaze
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10 posted 03-05-2005 05:12 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Sharon's giving me giggles today.

But honestly I don't think her humorous poetry is the least bit lame. It's what attracted me to her in the first place.

But I have to go with the guys, in that I pretty much end up hating everything I write.

But if I had to choose one, and there are many, I think it would be "If wishes were fishes mine would smell bad".

I'll spare ya Ed. Sheesh.

(I'm a serious writer yanno. )

Susan
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11 posted 03-05-2005 06:53 PM       View Profile for Susan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan

laughing at you all - and with you all - I'd have to say I agree - I'm only truly happy with the ever so often poem that seems to strike home and give me that "aha!" feeling -
most the time I'm more - uhm - well, uhm, ah
. . . hmmm - wishing for more from myself -

btw - Ed - I loved your Neelix poem   - I could understand it!

now I shall have to think hard on which of my lame is the lamest - might take a week or so

S

If I wander far enough, long enough, will I finally know . . .

Mistletoe Angel
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12 posted 03-05-2005 11:05 PM       View Profile for Mistletoe Angel   Email Mistletoe Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Mistletoe Angel's Home Page   View IP for Mistletoe Angel



Hey, this thread just may be easy (for me anyway)
http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum79/HTML/000761.html

Here, I wrote this silly little poem during the NHL Finals in 2003, when the Anaheim Mighty Ducks shocked the world in becoming one of NHL's most memorable limited Cinderella stories and rallying to sweep the top-seeded Detroit Red Wings and Dallas Stars in the playoffs, and barely, just barely, missing the Stanley Cup.

So, yeah, this is a stupid little rap, but that's OK. I think it helps to be stupid every once in a while in our poetry, it only invigorates the endorphins and laughter in our hearts that bloom so much more poetic creativity.

LOL! Take a look at this!



Quack Quack Rap
(If It Looks Like A Duck, Walks Like A Duck, And Quacks Like A Duck...It Probably Is A Duck!)
By: Noah Eaton
4/27/03

"If it looks like a duck
If it walks like a duck
If it quacks like a duck,
it probably is a duck."
"If it looks like a duck
If it walks like a duck
If it quacks like a duck,
it probably is a duck."

They're north, south, west, and east
Along the Equator, Prime Meridian, and the Seven Seas
Looks like not anytime soon they are going to go away
Surrounding the Pacific coast and paddling all along Hudson Bay
Come and read the Hawaiian proverb from my palm
"When the frigate bird flies out to sea, the rough sea will grow calm."
They don't have fear and they don't have qualms
Even in the winter they can recrudesce and resolve
It's "not the cry, but the flight of the wild duck
That leads the flock to fly and follow." so press your luck
So here they come, at full force and speed
Quack, quack, beware of the graceful Flying V!

"If it looks like a duck
If it walks like a duck
If it quacks like a duck,
it probably is a duck."
"If it looks like a duck
If it walks like a duck
If it quacks like a duck,
it probably is a duck."
New Jersey Devils think they have all the heat
But you know behaving like a duck is the way to be
"Always behave like a duck!" Jacob Braude told me,
"Keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath."
And you Dallas Stars, time for night-night
Sleep tight, don't let those bed bugs bite
Hey, is there something creeping under the rug?
Watch as they stomp on that like a duck on a June bug!
On behalf of my Majesty, Emilio Estevez
This season the Ducks own Lord Stanley's epithet
Cause too many words are just too scared to swim for it
"Some birds avoid the water, ducks seek it"

"If it looks like a duck
If it walks like a duck
If it quacks like a duck,
it probably is a duck."
"If it looks like a duck
If it walks like a duck
If it quacks like a duck,
it probably is a duck."
It's "the bird that calls the canoe to sail."
So you better bail, they'll always be on your tail
So surrender quietly, don't make them pluck
For "it's as hard to see a woman crying as it is to see a barefooted duck."
Ottawa Senators, you think you're the res publica?
You must be mistaken, I don't see your res judicata!
Tampa Bay Lightning, you ain't very frightening
But to the waterfowl that ain't very suprising
We're more wild than Minnesota and looser than Vancouver
With all the golden eggs we lay, who cares if it's the goose or the gander?
Our quacks can put a quiver in your liver
In our flock we gots more brotherly love than Philadelphia Flyers
Heck, we don't even need that power play
5-on-5 is where we've always got game
Are you prepared to dare to compare
With the "Marathon Man" connoisseur Giguere?
Look out, here comes Kariya, "The Fifth Element"
Watch him speed past Modano, Langenbrunner, Naslund and Roenick
We're Mallards, Laysan Teals, red-crested and ring-necked
Mandarin, rosy-billed, even canvas-backed
We hide in tree holes, undergrowth, rushes and reeds
So look out, here we go in our Flying V
Quack quack quack, better press your luck
Here come the Mighty Ducks!

"If it looks like a duck
If it walks like a duck
If it quacks like a duck,
it probably is a duck."
"If it looks like a duck
If it walks like a duck
If it quacks like a duck,
it probably is a duck."

Everybody say, "Quack!"
Lord Stanley's in da bag
Everybody say, "Quack!"
Lord Stanley's in da bag




Sincerely,
Noah Eaton

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other"

Mother Teresa

PhaerieChild
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since 08-30-99
Posts 1829
Aloha, Oregon


13 posted 03-06-2005 12:35 AM       View Profile for PhaerieChild   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PhaerieChild

With most of mine....just pick one.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we might as well dance.

littlewing
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since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


14 posted 03-06-2005 12:59 AM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

OMG LMAO, well seeing as I am flying and tripping along the clouds with my palms spread wide open looking into the sky in every thing I write, I guess I would have to post ummm . . like 400 odd something writes . . .

but really?  I have poems in notebooks that are really bad . . . mushy RHYMING ones from when I was like 15 . . .
Ratleader
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15 posted 03-07-2005 11:41 AM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Ah, here it is.....I've got ya all beat!

My only excuse for this one is that I wrote it to be an example of what can happen if you use a form that isn't appropriate to the subject..... and it IS posted in PiP somewhere -- dare you to find it!


Columberick

From the heavens the astronauts fell,

Though the mission was going so well.

We all thought they’d be heroes,

Like Shaq sinking free-throws;

Instead, they got blasted to hell!

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Larry C
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16 posted 03-07-2005 12:14 PM       View Profile for Larry C   Email Larry C   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry C's Home Page   View IP for Larry C

Marshalzu...lmbo. It was second grade for me and I committed it to memory:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
You've got a nose,
Like a B-52!
Dark Angel
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since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


17 posted 03-07-2005 03:51 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

quote:
The Lamest Poem You Ever Wrote, Is --


Oh there have been many  


and i knew in the crystalline knowledge of you
~Buckingham/Nicks
Ratleader
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18 posted 03-07-2005 04:40 PM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Cinquain written on a napkin at my favorite hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant.....

Pizza,
Panzarotti,
Spumoni, Lasagna,
Rigotoni, Tortellini:
Mangi!

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GG
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Posts 3615
Lost in thought


19 posted 03-07-2005 05:15 PM       View Profile for GG   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GG

There are FAR too many! lol
Of the things I've posted though, I think one stands out. Someone asked for poetry about food to help them out with something, and I, being the generous person I am, wrote one and posted it in a reply.
ROFL... Here it is:

Look upon the weaving of the oat
All formed together, in my toast.
Confuses me, it looks so right
Just sitting there within my sight

It holds together, quite like me
Though mold ruins its quality.
Pour some water, it’ll sog
I’ll throw the toast out to my dog.

And soon I’ll eat this oddity
Food of familiarity.
Its tanish substance much like mine

Has filled me up and tastes divine!

Kaoru
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where the wild flowers grow


20 posted 04-19-2005 10:54 PM       View Profile for Kaoru   Email Kaoru   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kaoru

Easy, read my archived stuff.
Juju
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since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


21 posted 04-25-2005 05:09 PM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

There is no "lamest poem." there is like a tie.

I think two of the worst came from my lame rain princess series, which I concludded in each one Every one blames me for there problems so I must be the rain princess which brings the rain. I can't totally rip on the whole series there were alot of good poems, but in general the idea behind the series and some of the poems were repetitive and well... Kinda silly... The worst analogy I have ever made the idea. uhg... I suppose I could go and look and see if I still have it since the poems go back 4-5 years... one sec.

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

Alicat
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Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


22 posted 04-25-2005 05:44 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Oh geeze...  I've penned close to 4500 or 5000 things since 1989.  Most of them I personally think of as crap, with only about 5 to 10 pieces I actually like.  So take your pick from the archives.  Most items there are what I thought of as the 'best of the worst'.  Gotta love those inner critics...
Jeffrey Carter
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23 posted 04-25-2005 09:35 PM       View Profile for Jeffrey Carter   Email Jeffrey Carter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jeffrey Carter

I've never written a poem I liked, but that doesn't keep me from trying LOL
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