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Classic Seinfeld Moments
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (giggles) I love the episode with Kramer and the monkey: *********************************** KRAMER: I stopped to look at the monkeys, when all of a sudden I am hit in the face with a banana peel. I turn and look and there is this monkey really laughing it up. Then someone tells me that he did it. Well, I pick up the banana peel and I wait for that monkey to turn around. And then I *whap* let him have it. JERRY: Kramer, you threw a banana peel at a monkey? KRAMER: Well, he started it! JERRY: It's a monkey, Kramer! KRAMER: Well, he pushed my buttons, I couldn't help it, Jerry. JERRY: Well, I still think it's wrong. KRAMER: Alright, alright, fine. You take the monkey's side, alright, go ahead. JERRY: I'm not taking anyone's side. ) And then, later, at the zoo: [Kramer is in the office at the zoo.] MR. PLESS: Ah, Mr. Kramer? KRAMER: Yes. MR. PLESS: Thanks for coming. KRAMER: So, uh, what did you want to see me about? MR. PLESS: Well, Mr. Kramer, to get right to it, we're having a bit of a problem with Barry. KRAMER: Barry? MR. PLESS: The chimpanzee. KRAMER: Oh. Well, uh, what's the problem? MR. PLESS: Well, he's not functioning the way he normally does. He seems depressed. He's lost his appetite. He's even curtailed his autoerotic activities. And we think this is directly related to the altercation he had with you the other day. KRAMER: So, so what do you want me to do? MR. PLESS: Well, frankly we'd like you to apologize. KRAMER: Yeah, well he started it. MR. PLESS: Mr. Kramer, he is an innocent primate. KRAMER: So am I. What about my feelings? Don't my feelings count for anything? (sarcastic tone) Oh, only the poor monkey's important. Everything has to be done for the monkey! ************************************** (giggles) Love, Noah Eaton "You'll find something that's enough to keep you But if the bright lights don't receive you You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20 |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
*********The Ma & Pa Store Episode************ KRAMER: Hey. JERRY: Hey. KRAMER: Jerry, you know that shoe repair place at the end of the block? Well, if they don't get some business, they're gonna have to shut down and make way for one of those gourmet coffee or cookie stores. ELAINE: I like coffee. GEORGE: I like KRAMER: Yeah, of course you do. And do you know why? Because you're a bunch of yuppies. It's your go-go corporate takeover lifestyles that are driving out these Mom and Pop stores and destroying the fabric of this neighborhood. GEORGE: Well, what's so great about a Mom and Pop store? Let me tell you something. If my Mom and Pop ran a store, I wouldn't shop there. KRAMER: Hey, Bogambo - they've been in the neighborhood for 48 years. Now, come on, Jerry. You've gotta have a pair of shoes in need of a cobblin.' JERRY: I really don't wear the kind of shoes that have to be cobbled. KRAMER: Well, what about sneakers? You know, they'll clean 'em. They do complete detailing. JERRY: Alright, take 'em. KRAMER (happily): Yeah-yah. ******************************** Later... ******************************** JERRY (yelling from his room): Kramer! KRAMER: You said take 'em. JERRY: Not all of 'em! KRAMER: Well, obviously there was a miscommunication. JERRY: Obviously. So what am I supposed to wear? KRAMER: Jerry, I left you a pair right here... JERRY: I can't wear these! KRAMER: Well, why not? JERRY: They're uncomfortable. KRAMER: C'mon here, try 'em on. GEORGE: Where did you get those? JERRY: I worked a club in Dallas one time and they couldn't afford to pay me so they gave me these. Oh, I can't wear these! KRAMER: Ah, you look like a cowboy! Huh? JERRY: (pouting) But I don't wanna be a cowboy! ***************************************** Then, when they find out Ma and Pa are gone from the store: KRAMER: Hey. JERRY: Hey, so where's my sneakers? KRAMER: That's what I wanna know. JERRY: What do you mean? KRAMER: Well, I saw Mom and Pop this morning, but when I went by the store on my way home? The place was empty. Everything is gone. Mom and Pop - vrooop - vanished. JERRY: So all my sneakers are gone? KRAMER: I'm afraid so. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I've been asking around - they didn't even have any kids. JERRY: Mom and Pop aren't even a Mom and Pop?! KRAMER: It was all an act, Jerry. They conned us, and they scored, big time. ELAINE (amused): So. Mom and Pop's plan was to move into the neighborhood...establish trust...for 48 years. And then, run off with Jerry's sneakers. KRAMER: Apparently. ************************************* LOL! Sincerely, Noah Eaton "You'll find something that's enough to keep you |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(giggles) One more! ************The Butter Shave Episode*********** Jerry's apartment. George and Jerry are there, clean shaven, George is on the phone. Kramer walks in wearing a moustache. Kramer: Got any shredded coconut? Jerry (looking at Kramer's moustache): Uh, we're not doing that anymore. Kramer: Yeah, yeah, right. (walks out) George: Oh my god. Jerry: What? George: I got a job interview. They want to see me this afternoon. Jerry: So what's this job? George: Oh, it's beautiful. It's in sports. Jerry: Knicks? Rangers? George: Playground equipment. Jerry: Welcome back to the show. Kramer walks back in, clean shaven. Kramer: Yeah, this is better. So, you got any shredded coconut? Jerry: No. George (holding his cane): I gotta hobble. (walks out) Kramer puts some aftershave on his lip. Kramer: D-d-d-d. I gotta switch shaving cream. I'm getting no protection. Jerry: What kind do you use? Kramer: Whatever you get. Jerry (nods): Look, postcard from Elaine from Europe. Kramer: Don't tell me she's dragging another poor guy across Europe. Jerry: Remember David Puddy? Kramer: She's dating him again, huh? Jerry: Well, I guess she's batted around and she's back at the top of the order. Kramer: Boy, a month in Europe with Elaine. That guy's coming home in a body bag. ************************** Later... ************************** Jerry's apartment. Kramer and Jerry are there. Kramer: Hey, what are you doing? Jerry: Oh, I'm taking this lace out. It came undone and touched the floor of a men's room. That's the end of that. Kramer: Did you see Bania's set last night? 'Cause I read on the Internet he killed. Jerry: He killed. He only does well when he has me for a lead-in. He's a time slot hit. Kramer: Well, you gotta give him some credit. (starts rubbing a stick of Jerry's butter across his face) You're just being totally ridiculous. (keeps rubbing) I'll see you later buddy. Jerry: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. Kramer: What? Jerry: Do I have to ask? Kramer: I ran out of butter so I had to borrow yours. Anything else, Mr. Nosy? Kramer starts to walk out, Jerry grabs him by the shirttail and drags him back. Jerry: Why are you buttering your face? Kramer: I'm shaving with it. Jerry: Oh Moses smell the roses. Kramer: Jerry, it's vastly superior to any commercial shaving cream. Now feel my face. Jerry: No. Kramer: Feel it. Jerry: I don't want to. Kramer: Feel it. Feel it. Jerry (places two slices of bread against Kramer's face): That is close. Kramer takes the bread and eats it as he walks out of Jerry's apartment. ************************* Later... ************************* Kramer walks up holding an institutional sized container of butter. Kramer: They hooked me up. George: What's with all the butter? Kramer: I'm shaving with it, and you know what I discovered? Jerry: You can eat it? Kramer: No, my face feels so good, I'm gonna use it all over my body. Jerry smirks, Kramer walks away. *************************** Later... *************************** Roof of Jerry and Kramer's building, very bright and sunny. Kramer is decked out shirtless and sleeping on a lawn chair, and he's bright red. Jerry: Kramer! Kramer: Oh, man. I think I cooked myself. Jerry: Look at your skin. Kramer: Stick a fork in me, Jerry. I'm done. ******************* LOL! Love, Noah Eaton "You'll find something that's enough to keep you But if the bright lights don't receive you You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20 |
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