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Passions in Poetry

serenity's interactive journal

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Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1025 posted 06-29-2004 06:37 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Can't you convince twist to come in and share some, as well?  Hmmm?

We could use a dose of livin' 'bout now...
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1026 posted 06-29-2004 07:34 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

*sigh*

so many from our home here are hurting right now... its hard to know what to say...and as said before..words fall short when so many we care about are coping with loss, illness, and struggling for answers.

We all need a group hug...

no need to name names...

just know we care and will be keeping you close in thoughts and prayer.

heart hugs  
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


1027 posted 06-29-2004 07:54 PM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


"Last night I spent some with twist. We sat on the porch and had a few drinks and talked till midnight.

We swapped stories for a small audience, who were in tears as we sat there amazed that there was so much humor in our tales of woe."

I would have liked to have been a part of that small audience... smile...

And?... she's right, of course... you SHOULD write some of those stories...

Love you, YOU...
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


1028 posted 06-29-2004 07:56 PM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


And, JM?...

Hugging you back, my friend...

Love you...
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1029 posted 06-29-2004 09:20 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

This is, of course, for everyone who peers in, stays this long, and hugs this tight...

One way or another, after a few days' reflection [which I probably need a bit more of...] I have been wondering where to put this little vignette of a cavern’s light and dark, unseen if Edison fails [and of course, there was an original, still glowing Edison bulb, called, affectionately, a stalaglight]…in this little area, and for those of you who have not yet visited Colorado Spring’s Cave of the Winds, this area is affectionately called, “The Oriental Garden”.



As previously stated sublimely via a few poems in Open, my vacations tend to be rushed.  Things to do/see are packed too tightly into one day.  I have, in the last 24 years, relied on my camera more and more.  When I heard the tour guide mention the name of the Oriental Gardens, and while my own eye could see some of this, my inner eye knew there was more…instinctively; and I knew that this was a garden for serenity’s Journal.  And if you see what I do, you will know why this photo will not appear any other place than in here.

To the left, I see a huge face of a heavy man, sweating, his long nose portraying generations of toil, and who holds a very pointed opinion.  Not quite Pinocchio, mind you, but one who has poked his nose into business not his own.  

To the far right front, there is a guardian of sorts.  I have tried to discern exactly what kind of guardian, but there remains a mist about him [who stands guard from those who would enter unwisely] and he is both a gentle giant, and a diminutive angel.  I find great comfort in looking to the right, while wisely adhering the whispered words of the giant on the left.

But in looking inside, toward serenity’s garden, I see poets, philosophers, storytellers, and those who are wise enough to not speak, but just listen.  Look at them.  They glow in their abilities to understand, articulate, or just sense emotions that would be carved in stone.

Some are clad in white, some, visible in their golden auras; and some just appear bronze in color.  I see races of people, coming together.  I sense sorrow, and pleasure; I feel life, and death.  It is a garden that says, “even in the dark, we can grow.”  Even when there is no light…there is still life.

Somehow, since returning, and reading of so much sadness, not only here in PiP, but in my own real-time losses, I knew something like this would come about.  I didn’t realize at first what would be said, or what might be taken from these few words, or this small photo…and maybe it is only I who will gain something from this sharing.  All I know is, it is another birth, and if you were here right now, feeling my emotions, and kissing away my own insecurities and fears, then you, too, would know, that these words, and this photo, is exactly where they need to be.

In serenity’s garden.  Where passions live…in poetry, in sharing, and in love.  Oh…I hear a sound….
brian sites
Senior Member
since 06-25-2002
Posts 1500
usa


1030 posted 06-30-2004 12:16 AM       View Profile for brian sites   Email brian sites   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brian sites

I have only been here 2 years
off and on
as I can

but this thread
I dont recall seeing a more honest sharing thread as this one
now over a thousand posts

a place of real pain and healing
joy and sadness

and this is what should be


empathy--

    love's oceanic fire
in
     clothing

dimmed just enough
so there is enough
for everyone

all of you
give me hope

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 09-29-2002
Posts 20064
Florida, USA


1031 posted 06-30-2004 12:32 AM       View Profile for garysgirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit garysgirl's Home Page   View IP for garysgirl





Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1032 posted 06-30-2004 12:38 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

"Some are clad in white, some, visible in their golden auras; and some just appear bronze in color.  I see races of people, coming together.  I sense sorrow, and pleasure; I feel life, and death.  It is a garden that says, “even in the dark, we can grow.”  Even when there is no light…there is still life."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                
but the sun is always shining somewhere
                                  
(amazing pic Kari)


Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


1033 posted 06-30-2004 08:08 AM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

I've never felt anything quite like it, as I looked at your picture and read your words Karilea...

Thank you...
Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1034 posted 06-30-2004 08:36 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Bri?  Happy Second Anniversary, my friend.  I note that we do have the same date...which makes me very, very happy...

Kismet!
Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 08-31-2001
Posts 14673
just out of reach


1035 posted 06-30-2004 09:52 AM       View Profile for Nightshade   Email Nightshade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nightshade's Home Page   View IP for Nightshade

Oh, my gosh. I read your poem last night Karilea, and stared at the picture. It gave me chills and brought me to tears. I thought, oh, maybe you are just tired - go to bed...take a look at it again to-morrow.
  Well, I just did, and here I am in tears and awe again. Sometimes when I read in here, my hands fly off of the keys as if my fingers were shocked and I sit back in my puter chair holding my breath for a second or two. It's hard for me to explain, but I know that most of you understand. It's frightening .. yet .. comforting .. spiritual .. yet "matter of factual" lol. Oh, I am rambling again. I just love you all and pray for each and everyone of us. tipping her tiara, Chris heads off to the garden, pen and paper in hand
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1036 posted 06-30-2004 10:19 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Chris heads off to the garden, pen and paper in hand ...

~*~

Now, that's the best thing I've read all day!!!

Yes, honey, I do understand.  I've had those jolting moments too...when someone's insight just leaves me speechless....

I usually find them in here, in serenity's garden....
Fagin
Member
since 05-07-2004
Posts 130
Ca


1037 posted 06-30-2004 11:26 AM       View Profile for Fagin   Email Fagin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Fagin's Home Page   View IP for Fagin

Awesome photo...
Seems it's true.. the camera CAN see what the heart yearns for...

By the way, If you look closely you'll see that the Guardian is actually a Gargoyle.

Way to go Sis
iliana
Member Patricius
since 12-05-2003
Posts 13488
USA


1038 posted 06-30-2004 03:07 PM       View Profile for iliana   Email iliana   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for iliana

Maureen, my thoughts and heart go out to you in the loss of your sister.  You are held closely right now in the hearts of so many pipsters.  
iliana
Member Patricius
since 12-05-2003
Posts 13488
USA


1039 posted 06-30-2004 03:08 PM       View Profile for iliana   Email iliana   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for iliana

Serenity, nobody says what you say better!   .....jo
iliana
Member Patricius
since 12-05-2003
Posts 13488
USA


1040 posted 06-30-2004 03:10 PM       View Profile for iliana   Email iliana   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for iliana

Karilea, what an eye! what a heart! and what a write!  Wish I had been there with you.  I loved your writing about the Garden and it does seem like this is the perfect place for it.  I am so sorry to hear about your loss and my thoughts are with you.   .....jo
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1041 posted 06-30-2004 04:14 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Wow. (I guess it wouldn't surprise you to know that I've been there.) I'll have to go visit my mom and see, but I swear I believe we have a snapshot of the same place.

It's been kinda freakin' me out.

But this is just one of the bestest presents.

I come here, and read this journal (which I started as a joke, actually) and I see all of you here, and I feel like I gave a potluck party and scored BIG.

It's like the old question, 'if you could have a dinner party with whomever you like from history, whom would you invite?' and I said, "anybody can come" (which is pretty much how I answer) and then? all of the world's best souls showed up, in the reincarnated pennames of you all.

Karilia? "Serenity's Garden"--ROCKS.

Thank you.



Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1042 posted 06-30-2004 04:31 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

"I come here, and read this journal (which I started as a joke, actually)"

~*~

To moth this, you ain't neva lied...

Which, when I go back to page one, and read the first post, hearing myself giggling, knowing even then, "yea, she's just joking around..."

and then we all fall into serious mode...

and interact...

well, heck, Gertrude, what did you expect?  

That you would have an identical photo doesn't surprise me, either... ...

hope it brought back some good memories.  Mayhap, a story or twelve???

How's the kitchen coming?

As for serenity's Garden...well, I know the tour guide called it the Oriental Garden...but it sounded just so much better, MY way...

which is what you let me, and the others, do.  That is, being ourselves, letting our hair down, safely, with no fear of retribution, and only for those so inclined to wade through the pages left behind in these numerous posts...you've provided a fairly safe haven...

which ROCKS!

LOL...you know my best place in the house, right?  Yep...around the kitchen table...*smile*
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1043 posted 06-30-2004 06:25 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

There is a story I've been trying to avoid, so tonight I may take my notebook and do some scribbling...

not feeling too well today, I'm afraid.

(no worries)

sheesh. Let me just put it this way--

A word of advice from the witch?

Never, and I mean, never make jokes about uranus being retrograde.

*wince*

tain't funny.

(oh the things I confess online...)

sigh
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1044 posted 06-30-2004 06:48 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Now did I, or did I not, question your use of that particular exclamation?  Hmmmm?   Oh, get better soon....

and then?

Hee Hee...

share.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1045 posted 06-30-2004 07:55 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

yup. I seem to be having a hard time today.



(somebody STOP me!)

grin...

but um, yes, the story I have in mind has much to do with my tendency to carelessly voice words that shouldn't even be thought.

My mother warned me too.

I'm apparently hard-headed too.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1046 posted 06-30-2004 08:59 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Here ya go--the short version--for reasons I'll leave left untyped.



*  *  *

On a more serious note, I'm not quite sure if I told this story in the forum as of yet--I do know I confided in a couple of friends here at Pip.

My conscience was killing me.

Y'see, I felt responsible for the death of my father-in-law.

My father-in-law died, quite unexpectedly of  heat stroke, just one week after my own father's services.

When I say I feel responsible, it's not because of anything that I did--no one asked him to mow the lawn at noon in July in New Orleans during a heat wave. This much I understand. But it was what I said to my husband--words I can never take back--that leave me with that sense of "fault".

(For those of you who have heard the story, bear with me. I was quite insane for a quite awhile after the death of "the dads", and quite intoxicated for much of the time as well, so I no longer have any idea of to whom who I may have told this story, or how many times.)

*  *  *

I was reminded of it, though, as I thought of our friends who are in the fresh process of grief--that "surrealistic" layered place of being in a place and observing yourself being there simultaneously.

nod.

Most of us know that place, it's foggy and weird and you want it to be a bad dream but you know that it's not, but it has every quality of unreal, so there is still some hope that someone will come along and shake you, saying "Wake up." The hope is that the person waking us will be the person that we just "lost".

*  *  *

So there I was, going through the routines of life, because there is nothing else to do but go on. Everyday activity feels odd--just brushing my teeth was an exercize in concentration as I slipped in and out of  the layers, first being there, then observing myself. Finally, after a week of this, I told my husband. "Take the kids and go somewhere."

I'd bought a fifth of whiskey and I wanted to be alone. I was going to explode and it wasn't going to be pretty.

He knows me well, so he did just that, and that night was a night of madness that I'll not describe tonight.

I screamed. I cried. I laughed. I begged my dad to let me "see" him.

That didn't happen.

I stayed up all the night, all the morning, and into the next day, when I went to my mom's and collapsed in my father's bed.

They hadn't changed the sheets, and I could still smell him and I just dived into his bed, curling & relieved and sleeping for the first time in a very long time.

There were flecks of his blood, still on the pillow, and I touched them, just glad to be that close to his essence again.

I slept off the whiskey all afternoon, until I was awakened that evening by my husband, who was rudely kicking the bed and hollering at me, demanding to know why I was there, and not at home, where I said I would be.

It was a mean ugly moment of life that I would rather forget.

I woke snarling--and all of my rage was directed at him.

I hissed at him and said,

"You don't know this feeling yet--but someday you will. On the day that you do, you're going to understand just what you've done to me today. You're going to apologize too, and I can't say that I'll be able to forgive you."

I said that to him on Saturday.

He found his father dead on Monday.

*  *  *

When I found out about his father, I called my mother, and said, "Mom? I did something terrible..."

and I told her what I had said to him.

"Oh Karen? How many times have I told you to be careful with your words?"

I'm not sure, but I think she wept with me.

*  *  *

And yes, on the day his father died, my husband did remember. And just as I'd predicted, he told me that he really hadn't understood, and would I forgive him?

"Only if you forgive me."

*  *  *

Words have power.

Both of my parents taught me that.

But I misunderstood.

I thought that they meant that we had the ability to wish things into being by using words.

After three years of guilt and a lifetime of mishaps with words, I understand now, that words have power in a different way.

They can uplift, they can condemn, they can cause pain and ease it. They can persuade, entice, and incite.

And yes, if abused, they can haunt us for the rest of lives...

*  *  *

So? Smile?

I keep my fingers crossed and pray that this writing stuff is a good thing.

Thanks for listening.


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1047 posted 06-30-2004 09:32 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

quote:
Y'see, I felt responsible for the death of my father-in-law.

My father-in-law died, quite unexpectedly


Not one to ever outdo you, I know I cannot.  And I wouldn't want to try.  But so many parallels....

so many.

Like, guilt over a father-in-law's death.

I'll be back.

But before I come back?

HUGE HUGS FOR your serenity garden....where all good things grow because there is all mixtures of manure, good soil, honest seed, and lots of rain...
and even more sunshine and serenity....

I have superpowers...that are used for good and useful purposes.  Let me know if you ever want to change the name of this thread from serenity's interactive journal to

serenity's garden....
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1048 posted 06-30-2004 10:18 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Sheesh.

Y'had to go and mention manure...

but a good garden needs a bit of that--and funny? but soon after I posted this?

Well. Let's just say I don't about Uranus--but mine is on the mend.

*chuckle*

and I love the compliment of Serenity's Garden.

But I think I'll just let it be what it says it is...y'see? I go back and forth in my head, thinking about this journal, and that ugly voice in my head sometimes says as I read this, "Now isn't this just the most self-serving crapola you've ever written?"

And I can answer, with a smug smile.

"It's a journal."

(I like the etymological ties of "journal" with "journey" too.)

But hey? You just keep supplying the sunshine.

I got PLENTY of manure.

*chuckles and hugs*

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1049 posted 06-30-2004 10:55 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

The thing about manure and sunshine….

~*~

The thing about the in-laws….

Was that I liked them very much.  Being 18, almost 19, I held them in high regard, looking to see the similarities of our family’s lives.

Well.  First of all, I would have not seen my folks leave piles of newspapers on the couch in expectance of the newlyweds.

“Well, shoot,” I said in strict undertone to myself, “we aren’t expecting to stay overnight.”

Oh yes, we were.

Coming out to Illinois from California, we heard the disastrous news of September, 1970…GM was laying off everyone.  My new husband had been, through GI extravagances, honored his job back from which he left, had he been working, to serve his four years.

Well, he had been working at GM, a local station that served for the general parts department in the state that he was returning too [state unsaid, who needs grief?]

Now, I first met his folks a couple of days before the wedding.   And while I still revere the faces of his folks?  I would say in all honesty, I told my girls, “meet the proposed in-laws first….” If, for no other reason, just to see how far from the tree the apple falls.

And I am honest in that.

Unfortunately, we always don’t get to see the other side of the tree and the side of its fall…no matter what.

I loved my in-laws.  I love the one in-law by second marriage that I have gained.  But there are always self-guilts.

Like the one with the first father-in-law.  

The in-laws had “left” us their home in the arm-pit of the world home town, and not knowing better, I said “yes, we will accept your offer” of the house that, in all appearances, was a Disneyland nightmare of a bad dream.

Yes, I usually called it the Mickey Mouse home of horror.

Well, in this house….

To be continued….
 
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