How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Discussion
 pipTalk Lounge
 serenity's interactive journal   [ Page: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29  30  31  32  33  34  35  36  37  38  39  40  41  42  43  44  ]
 1000 1001 1002 1003 1004 1005 1006 1007 1008 1009 1010 1011 1012 1013 1014 1015 1016 1017 1018 1019 1020 1021 1022 1023 1024
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Ron   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Not Available
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

serenity's interactive journal

  Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


1000 posted 06-27-2004 04:37 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Well Vicky I can sure drum up some darn postive energy and send it your way.  I hope the rest of the day pans out to lift your spirits, by holding the hands of friends that care?  Asking for help is about the hardest thing for me to do too, but after the first time, it gets easier, honest.

Here's to healing your soul sweetie.


Oh my goodness that was the 1,000th post of this journal - what do I get?  LOL, huh, huh?  What do I get?  One wish you say?  Okay, I wish to bring laughter to Vicky how's that Witch?
Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


1001 posted 06-27-2004 06:09 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

"On one counter we are sinking a piece of stainless that will curl the corner of the countertop--a hygienic chopping spot--with the garbage can placed just under, so I can sweep the remains into the garbage just by pulling out the tilt out can."

Now THAT proves you are a genius!  Every kitchen should have such chopping spot, and better still a hole in the counter over the garbage.  I can't imagine how much time I spend opening one cupboard door, being obessive I will start taking a count today, LOL.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


1002 posted 06-27-2004 06:18 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

Healing hugs and prayers going out to you dear Vicky.

I too know what it's like to always be the strong one..the one who can 'pull it off'...
but just recently found out I can't.

I think being able to admit we are indeed vulnerable and in need can be very difficult, for some of us.

Just know I am holding you close in my thoughts.

Karen...I can't wait to see pics of your new kitchen!!

Gawd I love it in here!
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


1003 posted 06-27-2004 09:22 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Vicky

I've felt your pain....and I've been sending you whatever strenth I have to give.  Big hugs to you!  I want you to know that I care!  
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


1004 posted 06-27-2004 10:00 PM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


Sharon?...

Thank you, lady...  I need all the positive energy that I can get... and I know how high your energy level is... so I am sure to feel it from you... smile...

You are a wonderful person, Sharon... and a cherished friend... I appreciate you so much more than you know...

Nancy Lee?...

Yes... not only is it difficult to openly admit that I'm not the 'strong' person that so many people seem to think I am... but it's also scary...  for me, anyway...  I don't like that feeling of vulnerability... of being at the mercy of others...  In my past experience, that was never a safe place to be... but fortunately, the past doesn't have to be the future... and I am slowly learning, that there are those whom I can trust not to take advantage of the weaknesses... but, instead, to pick up the slack when I need it...

Thank you for understanding, my friend... and for the hugs and prayers... they are very much appreciated...

Martie?...

I know that you know...and that you care... Thank you for that... and for your friendship...

I know, too, that you've had your share of hard times lately, and I'm so sorry that I haven't been there for you...

I love you, my friend... and please know that I care too...so much more than I've been able to show...

Thanks again, to all of you...

I love you ladies so much...
Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 08-31-2001
Posts 14673
just out of reach


1005 posted 06-27-2004 10:44 PM       View Profile for Nightshade   Email Nightshade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nightshade's Home Page   View IP for Nightshade

Vicky - sometimes being the "strong one" actually means being able to say "help me please."  I learned that one the hard way. We give and give and give until we just "give out." We will surround you with healing light and love. You are a tender soul - bless you. hugs, Chris
Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


1006 posted 06-27-2004 11:54 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

This calls for a saying my Gramma used to say, "I am into self-care, not self-wear, so go do it yourself!"   Welcome to the Tiara Club Vicky, one of the prerequisites was to have once been a doormat I think or so it appears anyway.

This malaise is going around trust me and you are not alone.  How often do you hear me not being Suzy Sunshine, but I am not right now.  So, we can all just hold each other up over the bumps on this ride how's that?  Seems there is a bumpy journey for far too many good people these days to me.  Hang in there.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1007 posted 06-28-2004 01:45 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Vicky? You just curl up on the couch and wait for the planets to change. (You might wanna take off that tiara tho, if you sleep in one of those you wake with notches on yer head)

Witch Report: Venus goes direct this week! (That's the good news.) The bad news is Uranus is still retrograde.

Feel better soon, good poet people, and thank you all for taking care of the place for me while I'm away.

Pics will be forthcoming when the stuff is DONE. (The oven is "in", tho...yay)

And tomorrow I go tile still yet ANOTHER countertop--an unexpected surprise--



ouch.

That hurt.

Aspirin and sleep, maybe?

sigh.

Goodnight folks.

Love to all.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1008 posted 06-28-2004 09:37 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

The bad news is Uranus is still retrograde.

~*~

That must hurt.

~*~

Vicky?  Check your e-mail, honey.

~*~

Hugs all....
Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


1009 posted 06-28-2004 01:28 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

This was posted on Maureen's Birthday thread in Announcements, and I know you would want to know.
quote:
I only have a moment...to thank you for the birthday wishes...my sister passed away at 2:45 a.m. Sunday morning...

May she rest in peace, and my thoughts are with Maureen this day.
Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 08-31-2001
Posts 14673
just out of reach


1010 posted 06-28-2004 01:34 PM       View Profile for Nightshade   Email Nightshade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nightshade's Home Page   View IP for Nightshade

Thankyou Sharon, I was just thinking of her this morning. May she be at peace finally home.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1011 posted 06-28-2004 01:48 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Thank you Mysteria, for letting us know.

Maureen, words fail me quite often and this is one of those times.

Prayers said and hugs sent.


Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


1012 posted 06-28-2004 03:45 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

Thank you for letting us know Sharon.

Maureen, my deepest sympathy to you and the rest of your family.

I find I too am at a loss for words.

Just know we are holding you in thought and prayer at this sad and difficult time.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1013 posted 06-28-2004 04:21 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Maureen, I've been mulling this around in my head, so I'm going to put it here, not only for you, but for the rest of us as a reminder when the time comes...[as it did for me this last week, as well...]

it's OK to be mad.  I am reminded of the story, "Corinna, Corinna" when Corinna tells the little girl that it's OK to be mad when someone dies.  It's OK to not understand, and it's OK to "let go".

I had a friend pass away about the same time as did your sister, only it was the previous Sunday.

I spoke to her, laughed with her, ate meals with her just a few short weeks ago.

It was her third go-around with cancer.  I wasn't here to get the message right away - I was on "vacation".  And became extremely vexed that I wasn't immediately available to my friends.

So...it's OK to be mad.  And after you've thrown the pillows, cried, banged on the table, whatever it takes, sweetie...I'll be here to listen some more.  

Because I understand.  And now?  I understand even more why there were some voices in my head that are still begging to come out.

Love, Karilea
Kielo
Senior Member
since 02-11-2002
Posts 1259


1014 posted 06-28-2004 04:33 PM       View Profile for Kielo   Email Kielo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kielo

I just thought I'd say that I'm here, and I'm listening, and I have been for quite some time. My thoughts are with you all.

Ki
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1015 posted 06-28-2004 06:33 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Ki?  Welcome.  Join in, anytime.
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


1016 posted 06-28-2004 06:36 PM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


Chris?...

I'm learning that...  

Thank you so much  my friend...


Sharon?...

Thanks for the 'welcome'... and yep... I've definitely done my time as a doormat... and still have the scuff marks to prove it... grin?...

Love you, lady...


Karen?... thanks for the advice...and?... that sounds like the safest place to be about now... smile...

Oh... and I'll keep that in mind about the tiara too... and those unsightly notches... grin...

Love you so much, my sista...


Karilea?...

I got the e-mail, my friend...

Thank you... and healing hugs to you as well...


And, Sharon?... thanks for letting us know about Maureen's sister...


Maureen?...

Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers... Hugs to you, my friend...




Love you, ladies...
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


1017 posted 06-28-2004 06:39 PM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


Oops...

*waving at Kielo*...

Didn't mean to ignore you up there...
Good to see you...
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


1018 posted 06-28-2004 08:32 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Hugs to you Maureen...I'm so sorry for your loss.  
muted
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-15-2004
Posts 3021
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving


1019 posted 06-28-2004 11:24 PM       View Profile for muted   Email muted   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for muted

Maureen, may your sister rest peacefully...and may your heart be full of love and hope...never emptied.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1020 posted 06-29-2004 03:02 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Maureen, I found the news of your sister's passing here, in the journal, pretty much right before I received I your e mail.

The news didn't shock me, no.

I understood through our friendship and correspondence that she had rallied, so long, and so hard, that her time would be soon.

Too soon.

It's always too soon, for us left behind...

I'm thinking of you, that if you are even reading this, it's through a surrealistic eye about now, and thinking about that makes me remember, what it was like, to say goodbye daily to someone I loved. Having to leave, never knowing if I could say "Hello" again.

And I am posting this here, because I think there's much that should be said regarding the trials of the sick and rallying.

I'm posting this here, because I think we all need to know we're not alone--words on a screen typed by me? Can that make a difference?

I don't know.

I would love to "will" this glass fluid and reach a hand through and hold yours tonight.

Words are useless when touch is at the ready.

I would love to will these words magick--that they might do just that--and lend comfort to you, and all of our friends here at Pip, and in our daily touchstone life.

But...I can only talk about what I know.

*  *  *

My family and I took turns sitting with my father. He had this anxiety about medication--simple pain meds would produce a rage in him that frightened the hospital staff, and unless a family member was with him at all times, they strapped him down.

He hated feeling "doped."

His mother had died of Alzheimer's, and he had a fear of that helplessness--so he fought the nurses and orderlies who tried to ease his pain with narcotics.

He scared them too.

He was old, he was sick, but he was strong.

smile...there must be somethin' to that comanche' blood legend.

My father could kick ass--even in straps at 150 lbs.

It wasn't pretty.

But it was him.

*  *  *

During these times, I learned about prayer. I thought about the motivation of my own prayers, and that is when I had a profound questioning of faith, intention, and result.

I understood that I know longer knew what to pray for.

My prayers were very simple first:

"Let him LIVE."

I confess I prayed valiantly, unceasing, at his bedside, even while he was not in his right mind.

One evening, I arrived for my "shift" and found him in the midst of an argument with my mother.

There was a styrofoam cup on that sink counter, and it had a straw in it. He was protesting loudly that he was on oxygen and somebody oughtta "put out that cigarette."

My mother was trying--she really was--patiently explaining that he was not seeing a cigarette in an ashtray, but a straw in a cup.

He was in total disbelief and anxiety.

So I just stubbed out the "cigarette," and he was immediately relieved. I told my exhausted mother, "go home and take a break--I'll be here, or one of us will be here."

So she went home for that much needed break and I was alone with my Dad. Terrified.

He talked to people who weren't there, he called me names and said things that ... well, he'd never meant for me for me to hear.

I massaged his feet, and did what I could (mostly he just liked me to keep the doctors and nurses away from him as much as possible)
and as I did, every now and then he would sleep.

I would try to read, and no, I never watched the tv (television bothered him while sleeping) but I began to think that my original prayers hadn't been about him at all--they were all about me.

I wanted him to LIVE.

HE--on the other hand, wanted to die with a bit of grace and dignity--and for him? That meant AT HOME.

*  *  *

My prayers changed rapidly from "make him LIVE" to "for god's sake, he deserves to die in peace".

He was out of his mind with meds and they weren't going to release him, so the family and I taught him the answers to the questions that would allow that medical release:

"What's your name Dad?"

"Where are you?"

"Who's your mother?"

"Who am I?"

We guarded him from the nurses (as per his wishes), and as the dope left his system, he became more cognizant and eventually passed that test that allowed him to go home.

*  *  *

He passed.

*  *  *

Peace to you, Maureen, although it may not yet be time for you to know it.

First your feet have to feel the ground again.

*  *  *

There's more, m'friend, but rest your eyes.

Love to all.

and I wish you all "serenity".

(it's always been a goal)

They released him.

I have to wonder if that's not the perfect analogy of death. Not an ending. Not a beginning, but a simple release to something paralell.
Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 08-31-2001
Posts 14673
just out of reach


1021 posted 06-29-2004 10:17 AM       View Profile for Nightshade   Email Nightshade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nightshade's Home Page   View IP for Nightshade

I have to wonder if that's not the perfect analogy of death. Not an ending. Not a beginning, but a simple release to something paralell.


Amen to that dear Karen ... amen to that.
Bless you Karen for starting this journal.
Bless us all for meeting life's challenges to the best of our ability and then some.

Maureen - you have my email addy if you ever need to talk. Hugs sweet one.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1022 posted 06-29-2004 11:27 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

I have to agree on the parallel...there are too many unexplaineds that the forces keep telling me to uncover, that must have come from another time.

Sigh.

And the book is talking to me, too.  More like yelling.  I MUST get some priorities  back into shape.

If just everyone would stay put for, oh, five more eternities, I would be all right.
Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


1023 posted 06-29-2004 02:07 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Karen,

May I use a corner of your journal for a second please? I know you well m'sis, and have felt your pain and you mine, so hope you don't mind?

I don't pray really, I sort of request good things happen to good people.  I have been doing a lot of requesting lately, and it wears a soul thin as it brings to mind every death I ever witnessed.  Just a fact of life I realize now.

I won't go into a long story about my friend Willow who died, but would like to tell you just one thing I learned at her bedside through to her death.  As she readied to die she whispered this to me, "I know I used my time in this life well, learned from it, and will now take that to the next level whatever that is to share it, and learn more now that is exciting."  I said, "How can you say that Jenna, aren't you afraid to die?", and she said, "Heck no, only those afraid of living are afraid to die!  I lived girl, I lived! You know that!"  She died two days later in my arms actually, and for her it was easy.

From that point in time, I tried to cram as much living into one day that I could, and although it has slowed down a tad, I still am cramming away.  I don't want to waste the time I have, or ignore any opportunity for inter-actions, loving, or giving to others, as time goes by.  I promised her I would smell the roses, and I try to do just that.  The little things she showed me that are really important now fill my life.

To make this short, we have all shared a common bond in tending to the sick and dying out of love we have for them, and it is damn hard, and even harder if you doing the job with no love in place.  I know it is also harder on those living than on the one dying, as meds take care of them, but who takes care of us. Sometimes the dying are really looking for that permission to die, and we have to let them go by giving them our blessing, and not hold them back.  Death is as natural as birth itself, and what we do with the time in-between now that is what really counts right?  We all think it, but how many of us change our lives to the better when we have the chance?  It requires a risk, change, venturing into the unknown, and it holds us back from a wonderful new experience.

Maureen, the wounds run deep right now this I know.  A lot of us are still struggling to find a comforable place to put our experience tending to one dying we loved, but eventually we do, we will.  It is through leaning on others when we are in pain that it will subside.  This loss finds a comfortable spot in our memories, and enables us to then celebrate the live of the person we loved, and laughter begins again, and it is wonderful.

I truly wish you peace of mind, a healing heart, and a soul of gentle spirit.

May we all find peace in knowing these people we loved while alive, HAVE to be in a better place.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1024 posted 06-29-2004 05:44 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I feel like I know Willow now. In a way, I guess I do.

She lives on in you, and I hope you feel free to share all of her insights and wisdom with us.

Last night I spent some with twist. We sat on the porch and had a few drinks and talked till midnight.

We swapped stories for a small audience, who were in tears as we sat there amazed that there was so much humor in our tales of woe.

Smile.

We both thought we was just livin'.

But anyhoo, she said I needed to write some of THOSE stories--and I told her I'd throw some of the thoughts in the soup and see if we'd have anything for supper.

grin...

I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

And remember good people, some days, it's enough to just stand STILL.

 
  Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Discussion >> pipTalk Lounge >> serenity's interactive journal   [ Page: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29  30  31  32  33  34  35  36  37  38  39  40  41  42  43  44  ] Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Not Available
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors