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Passions in Poetry

serenity's interactive journal

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vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


975 posted 06-25-2004 01:34 PM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


Just dropping in to say hello...

I'm still reading... and happy to see the tiara club thriving and growing...

You all deserve nothing less than those sparkling crowns of adornment...

Huga, all...
garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 09-29-2002
Posts 20064
Florida, USA


976 posted 06-25-2004 04:35 PM       View Profile for garysgirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit garysgirl's Home Page   View IP for garysgirl

Oh my goodness Raph!!!! I'm sorry. I never have called you Ralph before. What time of the morning did I write that? I've been doing some wee morning writing here lately.


Talking about the Father's....well, my little girls abuse came from a step-father, but he was her father figure. I guess he must have thought that it wasn't as bad since she wasn't his blood child. And, he's dead now so I can't confront him about the things that I've learned since he died.

Oh how I wish that I could!!!!!

And, my "little girl" has been in therapy all the years he's been dead. By the way, she will always be my little girl no matter how old she may be.

I wish that I could reach through this screen and hug every one of you!!!
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


977 posted 06-26-2004 01:40 AM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

No problem Ethel
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


978 posted 06-26-2004 05:52 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I ordered a sheet of copper today.

I plan on pummeling it with a ball peen hammer to go over my stove.

Actually, I should say, I ordered a sheet of copper tonight.

(Not easy to do on a Friday, with sheet metal shops closed for the weekend, but hey? I've got friends in low places. grin. Sometimes they's good to know.

We had planned on tin. In fact, we went on an expedition today to salvage yards in hopes of finding that elusive treasure--perhaps some pressed tin--already aged, maybe a medallion?

I was hopeful.

We went from warehouse to salvage yard to flea market to antique shops. We caught a bolt in the rear tire. We got some air in a very bad neighborhood. We got the hell out of there. Then it started to rain.

Hard.

So just when we were about to give up, we took refuge in one of those indoor warehouse salvage/flea marts. My husband found the albums immediately while I horrified the vendors by insisting on picking stuff up to look at watermarks and checking hinges on antiques.

I really just wanted a sheet of tin. Something light gauge, that would work easily, not that corrugated roofing material.

I mean it sounds great, but I wanted purty--and I like the way that tin ages.

I was just about to give up on the quest when I saw exactly what I was looking for, there--against the far wall behind the bedframes.

OH.

That wasn't against the far wall--it was the far wall.

I was fingering the edges and eyeing the rivets wickedly when a small fish hook of an old man shuffled up to me.

"Whatteryadoin?"

I tried to explain.

I told him about my project, and my experimental mosaic countertop and that it had come out rather nicely, and about Mike, our neighbor, who decided to accent my counter with a corresponding drop ceiling, so he could add can lights. I explained that I wanted metal over my stove, because when you cook under sheetrock the ceiling just tends to look like...well. Ya'll know what it looks like.

I said to him:

"When those oils build up, it just gets so tacky..."

OILS?

"I used to work in the oil industry!" he exclaimed proudly.

Really?

"Oh yes, In ALASKA too--before they built the pipeline."

"No shtuff?" I was genuinely interested. I love Alaska.

"No SHTUFF." He nodded proudly. "I even got my picture in National Geographic--c'mon--I'll show you."

So I followed him through the wood frame and chickenwire partions of the flea market to his area--a sanctuary of interesting where he had a comfortable stool behind an antique register.

He gingerly climbed aboard and licked his fingers before pulling out a well worn copy of The National Geographic.

I heard a sigh behind me.

A woman was dusting "what-nots" behind me and she looked at me apologetically.

Smile.

Apparently I was in for the long tour.

"Lessssssssseeeeeeee"

He had put his glasses on and started at page one, acting like he hadn't done this a million times.

"nope"

grunt

"uh uh"

then finally, another lick of fingers produced a

"Here she is!"

And he introduced me to the ship that was his home for a time in his life.

He explained to me the processes, and how much harder it was then, and how the old tankard leaked. He turned the page.

"Now THIS!!!" His old finger was stabbing at an aerial shot of land.

His eyes narrowed as he looked at me.

"Tell me what this reminds you of?"

He didn't wait for an answer.

"SWAMP"

He nodded.

"Yep, that could be the wetlands of Louisiana--if we still had wetlands. That could be Cameron--hell, it could be anywhere on up to Grand Isle!"

Sure enuff.

It looked the same to me.

He licked his finger again to turn the page to the centerfold. I swear I don't know where the moisture came from, the old man looked to me like he was made of parchment.

But he turned the page as though it were heavy. He turned the page as though it were, well? made of tin to reveal the centerfold of the ship, spanning two pages proudly.

"There I am!" he jabbed excitedly at a yellow dot.

He was pointing to the blonde hair on the back of a man's head on the dock.

I smiled.

I looked at him and I could see the wonder in his eyes, and I didn't have to see a picture to know that as a young man, he stood on that dock with the same look of amazement, gazing upon that mechanical whale while thinking:

"There--I once stood there."

I shook my own head, astounded, knowing the difference that a gangplank and a matter of minutes can make.

Smile.

It's all in the perspective.

I learn things this way...

In the eyes of the old and the eager, in the dismissal of the young and impatient.

I like to watch their eyes as they speak.

His were moist with tears of memories of adventure...

So I bought a plaster of paris plate from him and told him I would hang it in my kitchen, and that I would look at it and remember him always.

It was a simple design, with a Biblical quote etched into it, signed and dated by the artist:

From Revelations--

"Behold I make all things new."

*  *  *

I thought it most appropriate.

And yes, I ordered a shiny new sheet of copper.

Thanks to my new friend, who shall forever be nameless but remembered in a place of honor in my new kitchen, for delivering me that promise with such a sublime undertone of aging.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


979 posted 06-26-2004 08:06 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine



I learn things this way...

In the eyes of the old and the eager, in the dismissal of the young and impatient.

~*~

It's so good to be home...

~*~

Small piece of paper on my desk next to my keyboard, "37 - 923".

"What's that mean?"

I smile, that wicked little knowing grin that says to myself's mind...'something for me to know.'

"37 - 923"

"Well, what does it mean."

It's a page marker.

"Huh?  Oh...never mind.  You're still nuts."

Yea, a crazy kind of nutz.

So, for the last enjoyable, quiet part of the beginning of my first day back, I've been reading all of you from page 37, post 923.

What a way to begin the rest of my vacation.

I've missed you all so much, but was out making memories with my 12 year old granddaughter, who, sometimes, sounds like a 52 year old woman in disguise.     And we only had "one" moment that wasn't fun, but at least it was on the way home, and we can both agree that our tiredness kind of got in the way of civility for oh, about 32 seconds.

Ladies, Gents?  I note that you all sort of "let your hair down" in here.  Well, why do you think I marked the page where I left off, so I could pick up again?  Because I missed you THAT much, and wanted to make sure I could catch up on everything while I was away.  In some respects, this last week was so loooonnnnggggg.....and in others?  Much too short, for while we did all of the touristy things in Co. Springs, I could feel a reason to go back and do the things I knew I should have done - for myself.  But...when you're with a 60 year old and a 12 year old, you don't get all of the moments you want, and I know you know what I mean.

Did I think of you all?  I most certainly did.  So I get to spend today and tomorrow going through the poetry and announcements and finding out what all of you were up to...

and you know what?  It still remains my pleasure, to say I missed you all more than you will ever know, and that it's good to come home to friends!!

Maureen?  

Serenity?  Photos!!!  

And everyone else?  
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


980 posted 06-26-2004 08:23 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

He licked his finger again to turn the page to the centerfold. I swear I don't know where the moisture came from, the old man looked to me like he was made of parchment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~


gawd I love the way you see the world as poetry.  
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


981 posted 06-26-2004 08:26 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Hi Vicky you still battling with your comp probs?

Welcome home Kari!!!
cant wait to see the poetry and pics from the trip.
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


982 posted 06-26-2004 03:15 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

He licked his finger again to turn the page to the centerfold. I swear I don't know where the moisture came from, the old man looked to me like he was made of parchment.


Christ, look at THIS!! Karen you're a genius. Get yer @ss moving and publish these stories in a book. I'm not kidding, go.. now..
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


983 posted 06-26-2004 03:16 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

Oops just saw JM picked out those same lines but just proves it..go..now
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


984 posted 06-26-2004 06:23 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

A genius?

Funny, we were just discussing this while we worked the other night, dicussing "Intelligence Quotients" and such.

I comforted my new friend Cindy, who had scored particularly low. But I explained how those things can be geared to give a favorable slant according to interest and experience. I told her that just because I scored high, I didn't believe myself to be a genius--that I was just particularly adept at taking tests.

We returned to our work of sealing the grout, and we began discussing my problem of counter edges. As you may have guessed, it's difficult to get a clean edge with mosaic tile, and add to that the "hippy" design that Mike rendered for me---curves, curves, everywhere to accomodate my proclivity for making use of every possible square inch of house for storage.

Hmmm...what to do?

The metal stripping would be difficult at best, especially in the corner where that odd curve meets the sink.

"Veneer?" I asked Mike. He brightened a bit, saying that yes, it would be easier to work with, but that it probably wouldn't wear well.

We went back to silence while we pondered the dilemma.

I took a break, stepping out on the porch to smoke. I keep a sketch pad out there, and I was doodling, and chatting with Cindy the bartender about her job while I was thinking about my counter on some other level.

"HUSH!" I proclaimed to her and she looked startled that I had just told her to "shut up."

But she understood as I rapidly sketched out my idea for the counter edges.

She looked at me, nodding, saying, "That can work."

I smiled. "And I think it will be purty too!"

So we ran in to get the Mike approval.

"Mike...." I swear I think he cringes when he hears me saying his name sometimes. "I want to show you something."

He sighed.

"Whenever you show me something it usually means more work for me."

"Not this time baby," his wife interjected.

So I showed him my sketch, and said, "we can easily line these edges in leather, with a small foam backing--brown leather to match the wood and stone, and it will be soft too, and I think I can manage a clean line."

"And?" Cindy interrrupted. "On the service counter? You can add extra padding--like an elbow rest in a real bar!"

Mike was beaming at me.

"Karen? You're a genius."

*giggle*

So it must be true.

I'm a frigging genius.

lmao...

I love you good people.



(and btw? I told Mike I would run this idea by my internet friends--that ya'll were really good at foreseeing potential problems. So...if there's something wrong with my simple idea, let me know?

BEFORE I start siliconing the foam to the sides, please.

Thanks in advance.

and Raph and Jan? Sheesh.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


985 posted 06-26-2004 07:44 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Knives.  Just be careful with knives, and hot pans.

Otherwise?  Simply "genius"!
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


986 posted 06-26-2004 07:53 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Actually? I thought of that too.

On one counter we are sinking a piece of stainless that will curl the corner of the countertop--a hygienic chopping spot--with the garbage can placed just under, so I can sweep the remains into the garbage just by pulling out the tilt out can.

So there's the knives issue.

and then the hot pots? I placed three tiles side by side uncracked just over the oven and next to the stove--and a single tile on the left too, just in case...

and yes, I realize it's a bit high maintenance (I've swabbed a few bars in my time) and plan on sealing the seam as well to expedite clean up.

But?

smacking my head here...

I should have placed whole tiles next to the frig, too, for a splashboard at the very least.

Why can't these people pour anything without an overfill???



and welcome home, Kari...

I'm waiting for your stories.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


987 posted 06-26-2004 08:38 PM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


Hi, JM...

No... no more computer problems at the moment... finally got mine up and running...rebuilt it actually... and at the prompting of K's 'Twisted' sister, it's officially been dubbed 'Lazarus'...grin... gotta love it...

Anyway... now I'm back to battling everyday demons instead of 'puter demons... go figure...

Btw... in the process of resurrecting Lazarus, and switching everything over from my brother's laptop, I lost your e-mail address...yet again...

So... if you wouldn't mind dropping me a line, so I have it again, I'd appreciate it...

Hugs, my mothy friend...
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


988 posted 06-26-2004 08:52 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

My stories resulted in three poems, serene one...all in Open.  So far.  But, the voices are still talking, and I guess I'm going to have to storyboard some of the photos here...hee hee...

It was so "noisy" with the granddaughter and the hubby, I figured I'd hear everything once I got home and quietly studied the shots that "wouldn't turn out", or so I was told...

like the one in Martie's poem....
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


989 posted 06-26-2004 10:46 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

For Serenity [and all mothers and fathers who will someday be Grands….]

How is it that 40 years can be wiped away by a hidden smile, some anticipation, and a horse named Roscoe?



I had her pigtails, once.  

Never wore the helmet.

Rode the ride, though, once upon a time.

My dreams to ride my own horse as a youngster were derailed by economics.  Let’s face it.  Dad’s education and three mouths to feed didn’t always give us kids what some kids are “blessed with” today.  As a matter of opinion, some kids have way too much, but those are my thoughts.  

And in some other ways, I have been fortunate to enjoy, in these last 24 years, and experience some financial “ease”…in other words, no longer robbing Peter to pay Paul.  Oh, yes, I’ve worked hard, but never had the “genius” [*smile*] that some folks have.  But I also grew up very appreciative of the smallest gestures, which, at all times, seem like the grandest of all gifts.

Like the time in 1970, when our folks took us kids on our “last” “family” vacation, before I married for the first time [to the guy who made me experience my robbing from Peter to pay Paul.]

When my Dad talked to a nephew of his when we arrived on Dad’s home turf – South Dakota – and arranged for his “little girl” to have a quiet, on-her-own horse ride – shhhhh, a big secret…so big, that since I didn’t know where Dad and I were going, I still had my hair in curlers for the big dinner that evening – but guess what?  Once I found out what Dad had in mind, I knew the horse wouldn’t care…*supergrin*

My dad’s conundrum?  He knew I sat a horse well.  He knew I had a knack…and he knew he couldn’t deliver my one dream.

That one dream of having my own horse.

When children dream, they dream big.

And horses are big.  *smile*



This is my granddaughter, Morgan ["Paige" to you Pipsters], sitting her dream.  This little “vacation” to Colorado Springs with Grandma and Grandpa was, I think, fun to some extent – the hot air balloon ride was “grandpa’s dream” come true and she enjoyed it – but the highlight of the high hills was going for a two-hour horse ride.  Not long enough, granted, but when you’re going through The Garden of the Gods on horseback…well, let’s just say she was in heaven.

So was grandma, when going in more or less a horizontal direction.  Seems I always had the luxury of going straight across the country…  It was when we hit the hills and valleys of the ride that, ahem, my age began to show.  LOL…[oh yes, I’m remembering another story for another time…]

I knew the tricks…and as I followed Morgan on Roscoe…she got some careful guidance to “lean forward” or “loosen the reins but lean back” so the rocky trail could be traversed safely.



The photo above is not considered “The Garden” but…seeing as how it’s sitting just about on the outskirts of the Gardens, you can have some appreciation of the trail we rode.  You see…after taking the picture above of Morgan on Roscoe…my camera stopped working.  But, you can see her little disposable?  She is the one who took pictures and, in a day or so, I hope to have some copies.  SHE was in charge of taking all photos from horseback.  What a grand moment for her…in front of me and her grandpa…in charge of capturing moments…and sitting the saddle so well….

I won’t tell you what still hurts on me, two days later.  Suffice to say, I tried biking a few times before going for the ride, and am certainly glad I did…I’m sure I’d be hurting even more if I hadn’t…but the inclines and declines were, in some areas, some 15 to 20 degrees, and guess what?

I AM 52….and out of shape….LOL….

But….

My husband has a cousin who has horses.  He’s invited me to come ride, sometime.  

I think I’m going to take the cousin up on his offer.

Because some dreams just don’t die.

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (06-26-2004 11:23 PM).]

Sunshine
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990 posted 06-26-2004 10:53 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Oh, and Serenity?  That "parchment line"?  Caught my eye, too...I just wasn't quick enough to show my thanks.
Nightshade
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since 08-31-2001
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991 posted 06-26-2004 11:11 PM       View Profile for Nightshade   Email Nightshade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nightshade's Home Page   View IP for Nightshade

Yes...the book Karen...there must be a book.
Never have I been so moved by words as I have since meeting you Serene one, by way of Passions. At first, it was very difficult for me to understand or should I say, decipher(spell?) all of your writings, but I have learned to read between the lines. Not just between the lines, but between the words as well. Heck...between the punctuation marks!!
  After devouring your entry about the flea market search for tin, I walked away from the computer with tears streaming down my cheeks. Meeting up with my hubby, I didn't need to say anything. "Been reading Karen's journal again?" he asked. I just sniffed, nodded and floated away, still caught up in your words. Thankyou for ... well, for being you.
Oh, and by the way, your kitchen ideas sound awesome.     Luv U  
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
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992 posted 06-26-2004 11:37 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Chrislane? smile---if I wrote the book, then what would I have to aim for?

who knows, maybe...maybe someday.

I seem to just be sorting writing material--the stuff is everywhere!

smile.

and Kari? She's gorgeous.

as are you.

and this?

"loosen the reins but lean back”

*  *  *

Yes'm.

I think I will.
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


993 posted 06-27-2004 02:40 AM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

"smile---if I wrote the book, then what would I have to aim for?"

a second book
Sunshine
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since 06-25-99
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994 posted 06-27-2004 07:28 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

LOL...Raph took my comment...so..."ditto".  What?  You think ONE book would cover it all?  When there's always another day?

Silly girl...

Thank you for your comments regarding Morgan, sweetie.  She's had a hard life in many ways for one so young.  But she's a good student, an avid reader, and listens to lectures better'n most 12 year olds.  She's also learning that you can have an opinion, but one must know WHEN to plug in their differences, and when to UNPLUG in order to defuse a confrontation [like I said, she knows her grandpa pretty well...]

and...

she loves to tickle people!
Denise
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995 posted 06-27-2004 08:44 AM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Yeah, I'd go for a book or two, at least, Serenity!  

And welcome back, Karilea! You were missed! And Morgan is gorgeous!
Nightshade
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996 posted 06-27-2004 10:29 AM       View Profile for Nightshade   Email Nightshade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nightshade's Home Page   View IP for Nightshade

I AM 52….and out of shape….LOL….

But….

My husband has a cousin who has horses.  He’s invited me to come ride, sometime.  

I think I’m going to take the cousin up on his offer.

Because some dreams just don’t die.



Well now...I am gonna say it....I am 54 and outta shape...so I have a couple of years on you Karilea, and I still dream of having my own horse. Preferably one with short legs and a sway back. LOL. But, seriously, I believe we must keep on dreamin'. My mother used to say as she watched my father practicing his magic tricks, "for what would this world be without dreamers?" I didn't understand it much back then, but I do now.
  I have loved horses ever since I can remember. Going to the Western Fair in London Ontario, our hometown, was so exciting. I recall being oh, maybe 6 and mom frantic because I had walked under the roping and into the stall with a beautiful Clydesdale horse. Gentle giants they are. Dad said, "she's alright....alright." I think he was a little nervous too at the sight of his tiny daughter hugging the leg of this enormous beast. lol.
  Part of my dream came true when I was 10 or 11 and got to take English riding lessons from a friend of ours who owned a 3/4 Arabian stallion. What the other 1/4 was, I still don't know, but he was gorgeous. I had no fear back then. Hmmmm.
  I still talk about owning my own horse with my hubby. He smiles and nods. But, he never laughs at my dream. Instead, he has asked a couple of his friends who live out in the country if we could board a horse with them .... someday. Someday.  
   Morgan seems to be a delight and oh, so pretty!! She is lucky to have you Karilea. As are we all. Welcome back. Hugging you. Chrislane.
  

[This message has been edited by Nightshade (06-27-2004 11:27 AM).]

Sunshine
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997 posted 06-27-2004 11:53 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Chrislane?  

I think I'm going to come back as a horse.  Probably akin to Smarty Jones...now, that's my kind of horse.

Seriously?  I still believe that one day I will have my dream.  I've come close to it a few times.  I know what will have to happen, though, which I won't go into right now.  But yes, I'll have a horse, maybe two, and I will have my cats again as well.

I will also be published some day...

Now...that's dreaming!  

So?  I'd best get to working on 'em.  

And you, sweetie...don't look out of shape at all.  
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


998 posted 06-27-2004 02:39 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

"you've got to have a dream..
if you don't have a dream,
how you gonna have a dream come true?"

(Happy Talk-South Pacific)

Thanks Chris...that song is now stuck in my head for the rest of the day...
It always makes me smile.

*clink* Here's to dreams.
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


999 posted 06-27-2004 03:23 PM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


Okay... this isn't an easy thing for me to do... actually?... it's probably one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life...and this is probably the only place I would ever feel 'safe' enough to do it... here... in this journal that is one of only two places that really feel like 'home' these days...

I am not one who asks for help easily... I've spent most of my life being the 'strong' one for everyone else, to the point of neglecting myself... and I became so good at it that when I did need someone, no one recognized it... because they just saw me as 'strong'... and thought "she'll be okay..."... and I always was...

Those of you who know me, also know that I don't easily admit to 'needing' anyone or anything...  It has always felt like a sort of 'weakness' to me to admit such a thing... not a weakness when others did it... but I have always had a harsher set of rules for myself than for others...

I mean, what if I asked for help, and someone realized I wasn't ALWAYS so strong... How could they feel they could come to me for help, if "I" needed help too?... so... my need to be needed outweighed everything else... and, as some of you know, it often still does...

and, I know... but it's a hard pattern to break...

Anyway... what I'm trying to get at here, but am instead beating around the bush at, is this...

Today?... I am not strong...

Today?... I need help...

I need your friendship... and I need your prayers...

I won't bore you with details... mostly because truly 'opening up' isn't so easy for me either... even in a 'safe place' such as this...

Your prayers, though... and positive thoughts... will be felt and appreciated so much more than you know...

Hugs to you all...

and, Karen?... thank you again, lady... for creating this journal and giving people like myself a safe place... a place to be 'real' without the fear of judgment or rejection...

That?... is a rare find... as are you...

Love you, my sis...
 
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