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Passions in Poetry

Can a man be controlled....

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Temptress
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0 posted 11-04-2003 02:20 AM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress


Can a man be controlled by a woman in the same way a woman can be controlled by a man?

Have any guys here ever had a controlling woman in their life...someone who just wouldn't see reason or someone who just didn't "get" why they didn't have the right to be so controlling?

Just wondering....looking forward to hearing thoughts on this.

Jenn

I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!

Poet deVine
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1 posted 11-04-2003 11:12 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I think your statement about control is too general, Jenn. Some women can't be controlled by a man and some men can't be controlled by a woman. I think it's an individual thing.

Does someone have to give up control to be controlled? And to take back control couldn't someone say "you're not in control of this situation anymore".

I know you're going to say that it's not that easy. Yes it is Jenn. If the person being controlled doesn't stop it, it will never stop!

So why doesn't someone stop it? Are they perhaps willing to give up control so they won't have to make hard decisions and possibly fail? Letting someone else make your decisions is comfortable. You're never wrong then!

If someone is never happy, they have an excuse and can say, 'so and so controlled my life and made me miserable'.

All someone has to say is "the control stops here" and then they can start making their own decisions.
eor
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2 posted 11-04-2003 07:32 PM       View Profile for eor   Email eor   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for eor

yes, i have had a controlling woman in my life at one time.  i could not do anything wiht out her getting mad, she mad me stop doing all of my extra curricular activites, hanging out with all my frieds, it started wiht the girls then the guys, the bad thing though was i didnt see this side of her till we fell in love, so i was sorta of stuck.  she didnt understand that i need my own space, my own personal time, she would get mad whenever i wanted it, towards the end i had to ask, like i was in highschool again asking my parents if i could go out on a school night or something.  it got to be absoutly pitiful on my part actually.  that worse part was it was ok for her to go out wiht her friends and if i got mad like she did i was a controlling a-hole not letting a woman be free...so yes women can def. be controlling, espically if the men are like i was at that point in my life, easy to walk all over.

"For those who understand you, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't, none is possible."

Temptress
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3 posted 11-05-2003 02:02 AM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

I am aware that people can be controlled by others mostly if they ALLOW it to happen. As for the giving up of control or giving into control...that is another discussion.

So...I'm not sure how I'm supposed to make my statements. My statements represent the way I think, and I can't alter them to fit how someone else might make them...then they wouldn't be genuinely my own...and I can't alter my questions to fit how someone else might ask them. I just ask them. The answers will always vary anyway, so why be so painfully detailed about asking?That drags things out and makes people loose interest.  I'm curious to know what people have to say. Most often people will answer in a way that suits them no matter how the question was asked or statement was made. Anyway...i don't know if that makes sense.

I was just bringing something up for discussion and I asked if any men had a woman in their life that they considered controlling. Maybe what I should have asked is if any man had a woman in his life who attempted to control him or successfully controlled him.

Sorry...I'm all for simplicity these days. I am just curious if anyone has experienced this in their lives.

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Greeneyes
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4 posted 11-05-2003 10:34 AM       View Profile for Greeneyes   Email Greeneyes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Greeneyes

Jen~

I am not sure which answer you are looking for here....personally I dont think any one can be controlled unless they allow themselves to be....controlling is a way of power --why give some one that much power?? (not saying you are) just a general statement....we cant let feelings or control affect us if we dont want it too....


HUGSSS Lady...


Lauren~

i carry your heart with me
i am never without it
you are what a moon has always meant sky of sky
the wonder that keeps stars apart-
e.e.cummings

SEA
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5 posted 11-05-2003 10:41 AM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

yes, he can. My brother in law is a perfect example. His wife is a freak. She literally tells him what he can do, and mostly, what he can't do. He takes care of the kids, he does everything, and she is always and I do mean always going to Vegas with her friend, she doesn't take care of the kids, ever, she is a total (b)witch, she even has a total FIT that he took care of their dog, bathed her, before he had to take her to the vet to be put down, the dog cried all day and she didn't check on her not even once. Then complained that someone was letting their dog cry all day, she makes me sick. I don't understand why he puts up with her, any sane man would have told her long ago to take a hike. She is a terrible person, very controlling and manipulative. It's a form of abuse. She tells him that he is a broken man, that she won't be intimate with him because she is not physically attracted to his larger build. All of it....she is so fake it is disgusting. SO, yes, lol a man can be controlled.....and man or woman, it isn't right.
Jason Lyle
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6 posted 11-05-2003 12:05 PM       View Profile for Jason Lyle   Email Jason Lyle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jason Lyle

When I was younger, I think I was a possevive, controlling sob.I am not in any way now, it didnt make sense to be.But to answer your question, I think anyone can be controlled, and as already said, it is wrong from anyone.and I, ever the petulant rebel, have never been controlled by anyone, even myself.

Jason
Poet deVine
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7 posted 11-05-2003 01:07 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

SEA, in your brother's case, with children involved, I can see where he might want to put up with the control. BUT, wouldn't the kids be better off with one sane parent instead of one wacko one and one happy one?
SEA
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8 posted 11-05-2003 01:31 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

Sharon,
they honestly believe that those boys have no idea what is going on. That they don't notice mommy is always gone, or sleeping, and doesn't seem to want anything to do with them, unless of course it's in public, or she has some reason or need to look like a good mother. Gary could totally take care of those kids without her there. Hell, he already does. I don't understand their relationship, why they even bother staying married. He deserves so much better, he is such a sweet, kindhearted, funny man. Sherry sold her soul a long time ago, and she gets worse and worse, all the time. Yes, everyone around them sees it, knows it, but it's like they live in a bubble, and don't see what is so clear to everyone. Including their sons. It breaks my heart...
KristieSue
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9 posted 11-05-2003 01:44 PM       View Profile for KristieSue   Email KristieSue   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit KristieSue's Home Page   View IP for KristieSue

I grew up in a household where my mother controlled EVERYTHING.  She was abusive physically, mentally and emotionally to my father and myself.  It didn't start with my brother until he was in his later teens.  She has my father cloned in her image now to the point he says and does whatever she would, without her guidance.  He has alienated his ENTIRE family down to his own mother, myself, my brother, his future daughter in law and grandchild, his siblings, etc.  He doesn't realize the seriousness of the situation, and it doesn't much seem that he cares.  My mother has told him in the last 27 yrs that he is worthless to anyone but herself -that no one would want him-, that he is stupid, ugly, etc.  She has done the same with everyone else.  I grew up my entire life under this control, but broke away at 17.  My brother, unfortunately, was quite like my father until about two weeks ago.  

My grandfather (my dad's dad) would not DREAM of living his life under these conditions, but my grandmother (dad's mom) has lived her life being controlled by my grandfather.  Quite different situations and in no way am I comparing my grandfather/mother, but examples that both sexes can control/be controlled.  It has nothing to do with male/female but your personality, emotional and mental strength, etc.  Lived it, hated it, and will NEVER be that way to anyone or put up with it.

Ya know what they say.  Curiosity salted the snail.

Temptress
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10 posted 11-05-2003 02:26 PM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

Okay...


Here is my question...the one I want answered.


Have any guys here ever had a controlling woman in their life...someone who just wouldn't see reason or someone who just didn't "get" why they didn't have the right to be so controlling?

I am interested to see how men react in this kind of situation. What it makes them think, do...how it makes them feel, etc. Any insight I can get into it.

Thanks

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Moonlight Romeo
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11 posted 11-05-2003 02:47 PM       View Profile for Moonlight Romeo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Moonlight Romeo

To answer your question.  Yes, I have.

She was my first wife.  She was nice enough before I married her.  But, then, after we got married, she seemed to think that she could tell me what to do, who to see, and, in some cases, what to think.

It drove me nuts.  I was very much a prisoner in my own house.  I was not allowed to have any friends, especially female friends, and I was not allowed to pursue my own interests.  I had to spend all of my time with her, and could not be on my own without saying where I was going, who I would be with, and how long I was going to be gone.  And, even then, I had to check in to prove where I was.

It made me feel terrible.  I did not like being treated this way.  It made me feel like I was a child, who could not think or act for myself.  I would try to tell her, but, she would not listen.  She said that she had the right to do this because she was my wife and I was her husband and that this was what all married couples did.

What did I do?  I rebelled.  I did things behind her back, didn't tell her where I would be.  Things like that.  Finally, I got divorced, and found a woman that makes me happy.  

I hope that this answers your question, and gives you some insight.

Thank you.

Peace is the only battle worth waging.
--- Albert Camus

serenity blaze
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12 posted 11-05-2003 03:31 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Well, yes, that's the problem with control and complete autonomy in any relationship--it makes rebellion inevitable.

I am in a controlling relationship. I don't intend to paint myself as a victim either. I've seen a good therapist, I've read all the right books, I've examined my past ad nauseum only to discover my shrink was right.

Relationships that maintain control as an integral element seldom have a clear cut villain and victim. Even in the most extreme situations of control there is always choice. (Consider Ghandi here)

Also remember that each participant in the situation is getting something they believe they need from the situation. (symbiosis) and the balance of control quite often fluctuates from partner to partner. And yes, this is a dysfunctional relationship that even  in the smallest degree  mutually thwarts actualization of both parties. In the most drastic actualization of dependant roles, violence, substance abuse are the tragic by-products of two people locked in a role-playing game that is sometimes beautifully (albeit subconsciously) designed to repeat childhood traumas, usually with a childish hope (and stubborn blind eye to fact) that things will somehow miraculously work out differently this time and everybody will live happily ever after.

There now. I did my homework. Now what do I do with it? Smile...

Okay. That's the end of our session today, Karen. See you next week.

"Thanks Karen. You weren't much help, but it sounded good."

Yeah well, I work cheap though.

"Pay ya on Tuesday for a session today?"

Go home!

"I am home."



Well that's it for today folks. Pardon me while I take a minute to talk this over amongst myselves.

Poet deVine
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13 posted 11-05-2003 03:50 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

MR? How long have you been divorced...
the_loner_23
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14 posted 11-05-2003 04:35 PM       View Profile for the_loner_23   Email the_loner_23   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for the_loner_23

If you try to control a man they will leave you in a heart beat. I know from experience.

Cold hands means a warm heart

Moonlight Romeo
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15 posted 11-06-2003 11:40 AM       View Profile for Moonlight Romeo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Moonlight Romeo

Poet deVine, I have been divorced for about 3 years now.  Thank you for asking.

Thank you.

Peace is the only battle worth waging.
--- Albert Camus

Ratleader
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16 posted 11-06-2003 08:58 PM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Not only can a man be controlled, for the most part we like it..... I blush to admit that, but it's true. A man wants nothing more than he wants to please a woman. Even hardhat types, talking trash to each other when a woman passes by their worksite, are mostly describing things that would give her as much or more pleasure than they would get from the experience.

On a more homely level, it's a rare man who makes a major decision of any kind that his mate doesn't approve of, and if she's unhappy for any reason he'll turn himself inside-out to make it right.

That need in a man means he's already controlled by what he believes (hopes) a woman's wants and wishes are. It's only the abnormal ones who don't fall into that description, and they're that way mainly because they're fighting an infantile rebellion against their own nature.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Aenimal
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17 posted 11-07-2003 12:44 AM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

yes...dammit
KristieSue
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18 posted 11-07-2003 01:07 PM       View Profile for KristieSue   Email KristieSue   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit KristieSue's Home Page   View IP for KristieSue

lol @ Raph

wrapped around the little finger huh? LOL

Do songs on the radio sing to all the fools in love?

Ringo
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19 posted 11-07-2003 11:39 PM       View Profile for Ringo   Email Ringo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ringo

Jenn- My ex-wife was very controlling. Our marriage started out very even, and then she just completely changed, and eventually I stopped fighting, and let her do things her way,and played the dutiful husband and tried to make her happy. When I relialized that all it got me was a more controlling wife, I began doing what I wanted anyhow.
We did, eventually, split up, and- reaalizing that I wasn't there to play anylonger- extended the controlling nature to my relationship with my kids. The way to deal with it? Get the best, and chief child advocate lawyer in the area to take her to court and get MY way for once. It is going to get nastier, and she is going to continue to attempt the control, because she can accept no other way.
There is a line from a song by Vicky Lawrence. "Little Sister don't miss when she fires her gun." Same way of dealing with the controlling woman, only the "gun" is using the woman's rules against her.
I hope this almost answers your question.

We are all equal but we’re individually different
and able to reach the impossible if we try.

Aenimal
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20 posted 11-12-2003 11:37 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

Kristie hmmm i don't think it was the finger exactly..nuff said the kiddies are about
but no it wasnt about me i've seen some of the manliest men tamed..sigh a moment of silence for my fallen homeys
 
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