An American Perspective of Canada (funny article from the Pittsburgh Post Gazette)

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Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

0 posted 2003-08-27 03:58 PM

Found the article funny thought I'd share it. Couldn't stop laughing at the Ho Ho's line..And NO I didn't write that last line!!!!

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (PA)
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Copyright 2003 PG Publishing

Samantha Bennett

You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud music or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence, just smiles politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-for, his house is neat as a pin and you get the feeling he doesn't always lock his front door. He wears Dockers. You hardly know he's there. And then one day you discover that he has pot in his basement, spends his weekends at peace marches and that guy you've seen mowing the yard is his spouse. Allow me to introduce Canada.

The Canadians are so quiet that you may have forgotten they're up there, but they've been busy doing some surprising things. It's like discovering that the mice you are dimly aware of in your attic have been building an espresso machine. Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag-along brother never joined the Coalition of the Willing? Canada wasn't willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in Iraq. I can only assume American diner menus weren't angrily changed to include "freedom bacon," because nobody here eats the stuff anyway.

And then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are authorized to dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering legislation that would not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have heard, but would reduce the penalty for possession of under 15 grams to a fine, like a speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to concentrate resources on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps, it's smarter to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every individual bug. Or, in the United States, bong.

Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand. These poor benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug problem: Marijuana offences have doubled since 1991. And Canada has strict gun control laws, which means that the criminals must all be heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and the government on the verge of a massive confiscation campaign. (The laws have been in place since the '70s, but I'm sure the government will get around to the confiscation eventually.)

They don't even have a death penalty! And yet .. nationally, overall crime in Canada has been declining since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13 percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed with guns -- brought in from the United States, which has become the major illegal weapons supplier for all of North America -- but my theory is that the surge in pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit violent crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting boxes of Ho-Hos from convenience stores.

And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just last month, Canada decided to allow and recognize same-sex marriages. Merciful moose, what can they be thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they always get their man!)? Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be the only ones who really care about families. Not enough to make sure they all have health insurance, of course, but more than those libertines up north. This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our stereotypes about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome country of polite, beer-drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom-fighters in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists and royalists more interested in order and good government than liberty and independence. But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend so much of our time trying to get everyone to march in lockstep? And if Canadians are so reserved and moderate, why are they so progressive about letting people do what they want to?

Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to polls. As a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by large,well-organized religious groups and thus has more in common with those of Scandinavia than those of the United States, or, say, Iran.

Canada signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds drink, has more of its population living in urban areas and accepts more immigrants per capita than the United States. These are all things we've been told will wreck our society. But I guess Canadians are different, because theirs seems oddly sound.

Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom but really demand that everyone be the same. But the Canadians seem more adult -- more secure. They aren't afraid of foreigners. They aren't afraid of homosexuality.

Most of all, they're not afraid of each other.
I wonder if America will ever be that cool.

[This message has been edited by Aenimal (08-27-2003 04:22 PM).]

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

1 posted 2003-08-27 04:04 PM

ha. who ever said that freedom was free was seriously insane. and not in the good way. but haha..the hoho line got me too. if only...

insanity is not a crime

eminor_angel
Member

since 2003-05-22

Posts 323
Canada

2 posted 2003-08-27 04:23 PM

equality, free will . . . its all just messed up. i'll go hide now.

Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

3 posted 2003-08-27 10:52 PM

God Bless Canada, baby!
A yankee smart enough to realize that CANADA rules...who would have thunk it?

hehehe

Intellectually I know that Canada is no better than any other country. Emotionally I KNOW that Canada is the best country in the world!

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

4 posted 2003-08-28 12:31 PM

Ya...we're cool...especially in the winter !!
What can I say? If there weren't any border crossings...and only one flag....what would we all be called? Ameradians? Canamericans? HoHoians?

If this was our last day alive on this beautiful, mixed up planet....would any differences or similarities matter? I think not....eh?

Canadian HoHo Hugs, Chris

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

5 posted 2003-08-28 02:45 PM

lol well I posted it less for the message and more for the view. It's funny the leftist pinko or uber nice and quiet neighbour image people have. Tell me if we're so unassuming and bland why can you watch the Sopranos uncut on regular cable?
grins
Besides during our winters its too cold to commit acts of violence or crime besides we're all busy watching hockey eh..grins

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