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Denise
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648


0 posted 2003-02-18 01:48 PM


I received this email this morning, thought I'd pass along the humor!

A TRUE FACT.... Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and  then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
creatures'.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ....
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


© Copyright 2003 Denise - All Rights Reserved
Mysteria
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British Columbia, Canada
1 posted 2003-02-18 02:14 PM



Wind
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since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

2 posted 2003-02-18 03:21 PM


haahaa I'd laugh but....hahaha....I can't...I'm laughing too hard...

did that make any sense at all?

the Wind is invisible.
        remeber me

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
3 posted 2003-02-18 06:27 PM


That's great, Denise! Let me add a few...

Words of Wisdom
>
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
>
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
would be "meetings."
>
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
>
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
>
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
>
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
>
7. Never lick a steak knife.
>
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
>
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.
>
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.
>
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
>
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep
down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
>
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
>
14. Your friends love you anyway..
>
FINAL Thought for the day:
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built
the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.



Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

4 posted 2003-02-18 07:45 PM




You make perfect sense, Wind!

'Deer - So true, so true!

Kosetsu
Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450
Alabama, USA
5 posted 2003-02-18 10:11 PM


The sad thing is, there really are people who taste-test dog food for a living. One of my mother's professors in college used to do it.

-Adam

Charisma
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since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906
lost in blue pages
6 posted 2003-02-19 03:07 AM


Hilarious indeed

Charisma

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
7 posted 2003-02-23 06:19 PM


haha i loved this.

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

8 posted 2003-02-23 07:56 PM



LoveBug
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Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

9 posted 2003-02-23 10:06 PM


Facts of life!!!

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

Anvrill
Senior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 710
in the interzone now
10 posted 2003-03-11 03:47 AM


Only in America isn't completely true...

Because all those things apply to Canada as well!

And you can't say "North America" instead, since I don't think they would apply to Mexico...

Just a thought.

remember the sound
that could wake the dead
but nobody woke up at all

rs

quietlydying
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Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
11 posted 2003-03-12 03:32 PM


only in america... will everyone think that they are the sole country responsible for pop culture.

/jen/

'Christianity is the complete negation of common sense and sound reason.'
-- Mikhail Bakunin

skyshine
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Member Elite
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars
12 posted 2003-03-12 08:19 PM


I'm in charge, and I say question authority! (haha...that used to be my sig) These were great!

Elizabeth

It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got...
--Sheryl Crow

RSWells
Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

13 posted 2003-03-13 11:29 AM


Thoroughly enjoyed these witticisms reminiscent of Will Rogers or Mark Russell. Thanks to you and Balladeer.
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