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Passions in Poetry

Hilarious....guess everyone could use a laugh!

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Denise
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0 posted 02-18-2003 01:48 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

I received this email this morning, thought I'd pass along the humor!

A TRUE FACT.... Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and  then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
creatures'.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ....
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Mysteria
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1 posted 02-18-2003 02:14 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Wind
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2 posted 02-18-2003 03:21 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

haahaa I'd laugh but....hahaha....I can't...I'm laughing too hard...

did that make any sense at all?

the Wind is invisible.
        remeber me

Balladeer
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3 posted 02-18-2003 06:27 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

That's great, Denise! Let me add a few...

Words of Wisdom
>
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
>
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
would be "meetings."
>
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
>
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
>
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
>
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
>
7. Never lick a steak knife.
>
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
>
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.
>
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.
>
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
>
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep
down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
>
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
>
14. Your friends love you anyway..
>
FINAL Thought for the day:
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built
the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


Denise
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4 posted 02-18-2003 07:45 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise



You make perfect sense, Wind!

'Deer - So true, so true!
Kosetsu
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since 03-10-2001
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Alabama, USA


5 posted 02-18-2003 10:11 PM       View Profile for Kosetsu   Email Kosetsu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kosetsu

The sad thing is, there really are people who taste-test dog food for a living. One of my mother's professors in college used to do it.

-Adam
Charisma
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lost in blue pages


6 posted 02-19-2003 03:07 AM       View Profile for Charisma   Email Charisma   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Charisma's Home Page   View IP for Charisma

Hilarious indeed

Charisma
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7 posted 02-23-2003 06:19 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

haha i loved this.
Denise
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8 posted 02-23-2003 07:56 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

LoveBug
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9 posted 02-23-2003 10:06 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Facts of life!!!

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

Anvrill
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since 06-21-2002
Posts 718
in the interzone now


10 posted 03-11-2003 03:47 AM       View Profile for Anvrill   Email Anvrill   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Anvrill's Home Page   View IP for Anvrill

Only in America isn't completely true...

Because all those things apply to Canada as well!

And you can't say "North America" instead, since I don't think they would apply to Mexico...

Just a thought.

remember the sound
that could wake the dead
but nobody woke up at all

rs

quietlydying
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the wonderful land of oz


11 posted 03-12-2003 03:32 PM       View Profile for quietlydying   Email quietlydying   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for quietlydying

only in america... will everyone think that they are the sole country responsible for pop culture.

/jen/

'Christianity is the complete negation of common sense and sound reason.'
-- Mikhail Bakunin

skyshine
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Beneath the northern stars


12 posted 03-12-2003 08:19 PM       View Profile for skyshine   Email skyshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit skyshine's Home Page   View IP for skyshine

I'm in charge, and I say question authority! (haha...that used to be my sig) These were great!

Elizabeth

It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got...
--Sheryl Crow

RSWells
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since 06-17-2001
Posts 2607


13 posted 03-13-2003 11:29 AM       View Profile for RSWells   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RSWells

Thoroughly enjoyed these witticisms reminiscent of Will Rogers or Mark Russell. Thanks to you and Balladeer.
 
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