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Tim
Senior Member

since 1999-06-08

Posts 1794

0 posted 2003-01-03 10:56 PM

     It has come to light that while the Iraqi's are attempting, the North Koreans have in all likelihood split the infinitive.  It appears while President Clinton was walking a domestic literary tightrope, the North Koreans had secreted a gaggle of grammarians in a top secret literary facility for the express purpose of splitting the infinitive.
     Top U.S. grammarians have known for decades that bombarding the infinitive with small participles dissassociates the parts of speech from the gerund resulting in the split infinitive.
     Some hypothesize the mainland Chinese provided the North Koreans with infinitives in exchange for predicate nominatives.  While both are instruments of mass communication, the split infinitive poses the greater risk to international non-communication.
     While religous extremists are presently limited to parsing conjunctions and dangling participles, in addition to more conventional weapons of construction, President Bush fears the North Koreans will export split infinitives exponentionally increasing the risk of world-wide grammar.
     As we enter the new year, one must wonder when this literacy will end.  When will the United Nations release its arsenal of thesauruses from its grammatically correct stockpile?
     May Funk & Wagnell protect us all.  Godspeed and good luck to the world.

[This message has been edited by Tim (01-04-2003 12:30 AM).]