Member Rara Avis
Love and commitment aren't necessarily the same things, but they do have one thing very much in common. You can't successfully ask for either, and you certainly can't demand them. Unless freely given, without asking, without demands, without conditions attached, both love and commitment are meaningless. They aren't bargaining chips.
But I think that's equally true of Trust, Heather. If you couldn't trust Alex to handle a situation caused by a third party's actions, now was the best time for both of you to discover it. Acceding to your ultimatum would only have led to more ultimatums and delayed the inevitable. In following your heart, you did absolutely nothing wrong. But I don't think he did anything wrong, either. By your accounts, he didn't "cheat" on you and was perhaps simply trying to avoid hurting someone. Does that mean he still cares for his ex-girlfriend? Probably, but that only means he doesn't love shallowly. Love shouldn't be a light switch, and it's not necessarily a reflection of how he feels about you, any more than your love for your kids lessens how you felt about him. The human heart isn't so small that we have room for only one. Thank God.
When one person has needs another cannot meet, it's always sad. But, it's rarely wrong. Not on either side of the rift. We just keep looking.