...And those who may have read and simply didn't know how to reply, Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have helped me in the process of healing by offering your support through your warm comments.
I am struggling, and I expect I will be for quite some time but I am positive that it is nothing compared to my daughter who long awaited the birth of her first child.
During the first week of November, my daughter began to experience cramping. She had been to the doctor a few days earlier and he told her that it was ligiments stretching as her uterus grew. By that weekend, she began to complain of more cramping. I thought that rest would probably help as she insisted on helping me with housework.
That sunday, my daughter's water broke. She was only 20 weeks pregnant (or five months). We rushed her to the hospital where the diagnosis was grim indeed. We thought then that we would have to say goodbye to the baby- not even knowing what sex it was. But the baby miraculously remained. Everyone was surprised as they never expected that would happen it.
My daughter spent the next month in the hospital, giving her child the chance it needed to survive. It was very hard for her to have little or no privacy since that is one of the things that I'd taught my children to value. She was very independent and has worked since age fourteen. She is twenty now.
Wednesday, I recieved a call from my mother that my daughter had gone into labor and this time the doctor was not going to stop it. My mother, my eldest daughter and I rushed to her side. I was totally unprepared for how quickly things went from there. I was given the pros and cons of the situation, then ushered off to suit up in surgical scrubs.
Thankfully, the surgery went well. The baby, a brand new tiny little girl weighing in at only one pound and eight ounces, seemed to have more than a fighting chance as well. I heard her tiny cries which sounded like music to me. It was a pretty.
After the neonatal team worked on her, they allowed me to see her. She was barely over the length of a ruler. But so perfectly formed. Her eyes were open and she lay on her side. I was afraid to touch her because her skin at this point was extremely fragile. So I stood over her and talked to her. I couldn't believe how precious she was.
It never occurred to me that she would leave us. She had hung on for so long. I knew that Talia wanted to live. She fought to be here. I was looking forward to getting to know her. For the face she had was that of her mother's. I wondered about who she would be and what she would love to do.
She died in the presence of her family in her mother's arms early friday morning. We stayed with her for most of the day, saying goodbye with my daughter. We took pictures of Talia, we all took turns holding her, we did everything we could do so as to have no regrets later on.
It was the most heartbreaking thing I'd ever experienced, to watch my child mourn the loss of her child. I felt and still do feel in many ways, helpless. I shall be visiting with her soon. I pray for the strength to be the support she needs and deserves.
Thank you for allowing me to share part of my grief with you. When my daughter comes home tomorrow or monday, I will make sure she gets to read your wonderful wishes.