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Passions in Poetry

How to write a paper in college / university

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Skyfire
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0 posted 11-14-2002 12:20 AM       View Profile for Skyfire   Email Skyfire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfire


How to write a paper in college/university:
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.
2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.  
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.
5. Check your email.  
6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your email.
10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.
13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!
14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).
15. Check your email.
16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.
17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your prof, the course, the college, the world at large.
18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.
19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.
20. Check your email.
21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.
22. Play some solitare.
23. Check out bored.com.
24. Wash your hands.
25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.
26. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
28. Check to see if bored.com has been updated yet.
29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z.
30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.
31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.
32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
34. Punch the wall and break something.
35. Check your email.
36. Mumble obscenties.
37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.
38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.
39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.

**Note: I've only done this ONCE

I am a Knight who says Ni!

Larry C
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1 posted 11-14-2002 12:44 AM       View Profile for Larry C   Email Larry C   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry C's Home Page   View IP for Larry C

Hey sweetie,
Got any assignments you need help with?
majnu
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2 posted 11-14-2002 01:32 AM       View Profile for majnu   Email majnu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for majnu

now why in gods name are you giving away the A+ formula! you may have just screwed up curves all over the world!

naw seriously, i m a 3rd year at univ, and also offer my services at anytime.

i know classics, comp lit, and ethics phil quite well in the humanities, but am a phys/math major, so if you need help in any of those drop me a note.

btw, you forgot to include the vodka shot at 0530H for lit papers!

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

Severn
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since 07-17-99
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3 posted 11-14-2002 05:17 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Groan...

I just, literally today, finished the fourth year of my English degree (and the final for now - thesis comes muuuuuuch later). OMG. If I ever have to write another essay again I'll...I'll...do all of the above most likely. It was down to a fine art - I found cleaning the house was a superb method of not getting the work done, whilst still feeling productive...

Fortunately, in fourth year at my uni, lecturers know you by name, want you to pass and are more than happy to hand out extensions without medical certificates. Yes, they were quite accustomed to my visits to their offices...

Example: My last essay? Due Friday. Finished at 5am Monday, slipped under lecturer's door at 8am Monday with the understanding that she'll 'tell the office lady she picked it up late...' (has to be date stamped you see...).

You're not alone! It's an epidemic, one that enthusiastic first years believe they're vaccinated against...hah...yeah right..

Yay! I'm free!!!

K
Ron
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4 posted 11-14-2002 10:06 AM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

You guys have it too easy!

Before I started teaching shorter classes, I spent my first two years in Michigan teaching at a local community college. The classes I taught were computer related (Intro to Computers, Intro to Networking, C++, etc), but I feel strongly that too many people get through high school and college without ever learning how to write well, so an essay was ALWAYS at least thirty percent of the grade. Remembering that procrastination comes issued with student ID cards, I broke that thirty percent into three separate events. First draft was due around Week 8 and was worth five percent, second draft three weeks later was worth ten percent, and the final paper, worth fifteen percent, was due Week 14. I refused to accept crap, and several people invariably turned in five or six drafts before they got it right. But they DID get it right.

You guys would hate having me as a teacher.
Allysa
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5 posted 11-14-2002 11:24 AM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

I know I'm not into the whole college paper thing yet, my darn high honors highschool english (second year) teacher dude is out to kill us..

Summer Reading List:  The Metamorphosis, Tess of the D'Urbervilles, My Name Is Asher Lev, No Exit, Their Eyes Were Watching God, Sidhartha, The Oedipus Cycle, One Day In the life of Ivan Denisovich, and ack, one more that I don't remember because my brain has completely shut down... Elyse has enlightened me.... it was Things Fall Apart.

keep in mind this is summer...

with each book we had to write 5 responses, provide a list of vocabulary, a poetry element, an art element, a musical enterpretation, literay analysis, literary criticism, and backround about the elements in the book, the author and important "key" elements... blah blah blah, etc.

We had to keep a binder (I'm sure that if I had to face a 300+ lb. man in a dark alley and all that I had was my binder, I could surely defend myself and live to tell the tale).  We also had to write an incredibly long and boring paper, which we had a choice between: CREATIVE ESSAY (YAY!), or CRITICAL ANALYSIS of all of the books (hence more work, and two thumbs down).

That was just the summer.  I read four of the books on my way from Ohio to WDC, and four on the way back from WDC, one late at night because it had somehow found it's way behind my dresser and was refusing to come on vacation with me.   It took me three whole days (with various 15 minute stops) to get the 5 responses/per book finished, and a whopping 45 minutes to write the creative essay.....

Now, enter the school year.... We only discuss one book, this book happens to be the longest one (Tess of the D'urbervilles) and happens to be about Tess, a doormat of a woman who lets all the men in her life walk all over her.  Woo-hoo.  After two weeks of discussion (and mental recuperation for most of us procrastinating highschool students), he assigns us a project on nicenet.org.  We have to work w/ uncooperative cincy kids on the creation of a website... blah blah blah.  In the mean time, he divides us into groups, assigns each group two books, and tells us to prepare a two day "learning expirence" on our two books and the themes.  Wow, not to mention that half the class is also in honors math and attempting to understand the wonderful world of trig.

Yeah, after bsing our ways through english presentation after english presentation, he assigns us a critical analysis paper over Tess of the D'urbervilles, UGH!  6 pages of pure horror....

Now, we are currently reading Sir Gowain and the Green Knight and we have a project due before thanksgiving break... I hate english.  I hate school.  I know I probably have nothing to complain about, but it's driving me CRAZY!

"Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo

quietlydying
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6 posted 11-15-2002 01:27 PM       View Profile for quietlydying   Email quietlydying   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for quietlydying

that is so true.



/jen/

i'm so bitterly disappointed.  betty, i think it's time you leave now.

Android 17
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7 posted 11-17-2002 12:31 PM       View Profile for Android 17   Email Android 17   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Android 17's Home Page   View IP for Android 17

Hey---don't forget...this stuff also applies in High School as well!

Tyhla du dra piyd uv so seht!

Skyfire
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8 posted 11-17-2002 05:05 PM       View Profile for Skyfire   Email Skyfire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfire

Not to the same extent though lol

I am a Knight who says Ni!

Kielo
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since 02-11-2002
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9 posted 11-17-2002 05:34 PM       View Profile for Kielo   Email Kielo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kielo

Wow... I just procrastinate for a week after its due... then never do it. Or I do it the day its assigned and forget to hand it in... lol

Kielo

According to statistics, a man eats a prune every twenty seconds. I don't know who this fellw is, but I know where to find him.
-Morey Amsterdam

Red
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10 posted 11-17-2002 06:03 PM       View Profile for Red   Email Red   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Red

lmao.... this was VERY funny.  I completely understand where you are coming from!
Skyfire
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11 posted 11-17-2002 07:58 PM       View Profile for Skyfire   Email Skyfire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfire

Yep!
*looks cheerfully at the pile of history books she needs to read by the 29th*

I am a Knight who says Ni!

 
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