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Confession

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Essorant
Member Elite
since 08-10-2002
Posts 4689
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada


0 posted 08-18-2002 12:21 PM       View Profile for Essorant   Email Essorant   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Essorant's Home Page   View IP for Essorant

I'm not very poetic at all, I am shy and clumsy and never know what to say in real life. I love to pig out on snacks that aren't good for me---cookies and candy bars, potato chips, McDonalds.  Sometimes mauger my mind look at dirty stuff on the internet then feel disguested at myself. I can't sing well, type slowly, think slowly, when I was 15 got caught for shopping lifting a car alarm, used to try to try over and over again to figure out the password to my girlfriends e-mail because we stopped talking and I missed her and didn't know how she was at all and  often dissemble I know what I'm talking about and that I'm confident when I'm totally confused and afraid. And when I write poetry  sometimes I write the title first and then write instead of writing first then giving a title.  I just wanted to make this confession outside of the poetry facade, so I can let me be judged more truly and try to feel less a hypocrite.  Thanks for listening.

Lady In White
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 02-12-2001
Posts 2919
USA


1 posted 08-18-2002 12:26 PM       View Profile for Lady In White   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lady In White


Young man, it sounds as if you are ready to depart from one lifestyle and enter into another.  I applaud you this confession, and hope that you find that for which you seek.

This very explanation is a huge step, if indeed you are ready to follow through.  Only you know whether you speak the truth, or not.  If you do, then be ready for some large changes in your life.  If this is but a falsehood, then you will dwell where you are now.

I hope you are indeed ready for the changes which are just outside that door, right there.

Good luck.
Essorant
Member Elite
since 08-10-2002
Posts 4689
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada


2 posted 08-18-2002 12:53 PM       View Profile for Essorant   Email Essorant   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Essorant's Home Page   View IP for Essorant

Thanks and your right.  I just have felt like a pretender here at a poetry forum, and striving to write poetry, and posting a poem called "Grace" when in real life my predominate self is not very poetic or graceful at all.  I always wish it were different.
Anvrill
Senior Member
since 06-21-2002
Posts 718
in the interzone now


3 posted 08-18-2002 03:22 PM       View Profile for Anvrill   Email Anvrill   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Anvrill's Home Page   View IP for Anvrill

Nobody's in love with themselves, believe me. I think it's part of the human condition.

Want me to list of some of my fealties?

Dude, I'm a drama queen who won't let anyone close enough to help me. I love myself to the point of complete and drastic arrogance, and can in the same breath decide I'm the least worthy human being on this planet. I abuse my body in every way imaginable, and then turn around and blame it on a handful of genetic and physical conditions I really do have. Oh, and I'm not a poet but I really want people to react positively to my poetry. Prolly the worst of all those.

Oh, and those are just a tiny bit of the things that I'm willing to admit out loud.

Everybody does things that will make them cringe to think about, and I'm almost entirely sure we've all been hypocrites. Often.

It's part of that wild ride called life.

And there is most definitely an AGE of centered self destructive habits. In the decade between about 15 and 25, it's when you're really starting to figure yourself out, so yeh you're going to stare at these things you didn't want to know at yourself, and that triggers harsh reactions. Really doesn't help if you get messed up in certain social groups or just with certain people who aren't as open to let you find yourself out.

And I think I'm going to shut up now, before I prove my mother right. I am not going to grow up to be a psychologist.

Hope your mood turns around and you start finding things to smile over. Like in Serenity's mirror challenge! Y'know there's something to like about yourself, so hurry up and grow to love it.

I will now quit talking in blanket statements and go to bed. Four hours after I previously stated I would do just that. Oops.

impress me, or be discarded

mpc

Anvrill
Senior Member
since 06-21-2002
Posts 718
in the interzone now


4 posted 08-18-2002 03:24 PM       View Profile for Anvrill   Email Anvrill   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Anvrill's Home Page   View IP for Anvrill

Oh, oh, oh! Somethin' else.

You get me talking to my friends in real life, I'm totally in control and manipulating them, but ask me to talk to someone I don't know, and I just dissolve. It's taken me years to even be able to call up the pizza delivery people. I used to get hysterical when my parents tried to make me do it.

So maybe y' wanna reconsider what shy means.

impress me, or be discarded

mpc

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


5 posted 08-19-2002 11:22 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Isn't it cute how she admits to manipulation? Awww... Lorigrrrl!
 
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