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Passions in Poetry

SimPLE QuestIONS ThaT NeeD To Be AnsWERED...

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MIdsummerRain
Member
since 05-19-2002
Posts 180
St. Louis, Missouri


0 posted 07-07-2002 03:28 AM       View Profile for MIdsummerRain   Email MIdsummerRain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for MIdsummerRain

Are there female leprechauns?

If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

What does the K in K-mart actually stand for?

If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?

Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?

What is a male ladybug called?

Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights?

Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ?

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?

What do you call a female daddy long legs?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Do mimes watch silent movies?

What do you call male ballerinas?

Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?

I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?

If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?

But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

What is another word for "thesaurus"?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not?

For in much wisdom is much grief
& he who increases knowledge
    increases sorrow...
                  Eccl. 1:18

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1 posted 07-07-2002 04:43 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Are there female leprechauns?

Actually, no...leprechauns were created in one fell swoop, and their greed of gold was such, that they could not share, not even to the thought of "offspring"--they have been known to get faeries stoned however---BEWARE.

If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?

Okay...who told you? (Drat the National Enquirer anyway!)

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Depends...straight licks...3786...those sucking licks? 1597

What does the K in K-mart actually stand for?

um...okay...I'll tell YOU...pssst..it stands for "Karen"

If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?

The SMART one?

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

Actually, I do detect the sure sounds of proper English pronunciation.

Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

Just for the clarity of irony.

How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?

It's too cool. They are made in a collapsable form--inserted and then, with "tweezer-type pliar thingies" erected inside of the bottle.

Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?

Because? Sometimes there is sheer joy in the ability to do something.

What is a male ladybug called?

"late fer supper"

Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights?

THEY DO?

Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ?

DOCTORS? and? grin--I am more amused to be called "patient"

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?

of course.

What do you call a female daddy long legs?

"late fer supper"

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Laws of physics...it's the same reason that men can't shoot darts without licking their lips.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?

The thirsty dude--or dudess--watching a calf enjoy.

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

GILLIGAN--episode #2--rendered the boat completely ineffective when he rebuilt it to make MaryAnn an oven to back Coconut Creme Pies.

Do mimes watch silent movies?

I know I do...haven't heard a peep outta me, have ya?  

What do you call male ballerinas?

often

Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

They are actually hot pink, dyed into total rebellion.

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?

"White men suck."

I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?

Just was.

If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?

Barbie had friends? Naw...I got a G.I.Joe--and then Barbie disappeared into the white slave market somewhere outside of Saigon.

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?

OH. YES.

But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!

*shaking my head*--I DO THE SAME THING.

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

The same, just opposite.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?

When anyone threatens to kill themself, it is a hostage situation.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?

Because it is simply the level of grade of lead, not a popularity contest.

If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

YES.

If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?

I will wait to watch this one on Court TV.

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

EXACTLY!!! I have this idea for a new taxi service--a cab that arrives with two drivers...one to bring home the inebriated? and a designated driver to drive the inebriated's vehicle...hmmm...I'm thinking of calling it--
"U-auto-know-better!"

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

It's all done with mirrors.

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

I happen to know? they type "none" if it is a permanent condition...if it is a shaved head, then they type none/natural hair color

What is another word for "thesaurus"?

ummm...wait...lemme check.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

my brother invented that one.

Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not?

No...it's all I have to amuse me.




[This message has been edited by serenity (07-07-2002 04:51 AM).]

Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 05-19-99
Posts 9708
Michigan, US


2 posted 07-07-2002 06:15 AM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

Are there female leprechauns? Everyone knows how difficult it is to catch a leprechaun. Judging from my experience with women, I suspect that ALL leprechauns must therefore be female.

If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing? In the Sixties, we were all told that we could do anything we wanted. We very quickly realized, however, we couldn't do everything we wanted. Ergo, anything and everything obviously aren't the same thing. The jury is still out on whether they equate to nothing, though.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Stanley Zieberwitch, a New Jersey resident, had all of his teeth surgically removed in 1972 just so he could definitively answer this question. Unfortunately, in 1973, Mrs. Zieberwitch had her husband declared incompetent, so now we can't trust his answer.

What does the K in K-mart actually stand for? Sebastian Spering Kresge, its founder. But it would have gone bankrupt fifty years earlier had they called it SSK-Mart.

If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you? Can I get back to on that one? Or, uh, does that answer the question?

Why do British people never sound British when they sing? For the same reason people who stutter rarely stutter when they sing. "I'VE GOT RHYYYYTHM, WHO COULD ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE?!"

Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia? Because even psychologists, who we all know have no sense of humor, still have a sense of irony.

How do they get those boats in those glass bottles? The same way they get big boats into ship yards. One piece at a time.

Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly? You and I had to crawl before we could walk. Superman had to leap (circa 1938) before he could fly.

What is a male ladybug called? In my house? Squished.

Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights? Because Christmas bulbs are a hazard to traffic when you string them in your door way.

Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ? Experimenting would be closer to the truth. I have less concern over "practice," though, than I do with "treating you." Going to the doctor has never seemed like much of a treat.

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary? Yes. See the entry under "circular definition."

What do you call a female daddy long legs? Squished. Definitely squished!

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why can't women do ANYTHING with their mouth closed? (My self-editor went to bed three hours ago, and left me here to get in trouble.)

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"? I think that person was probably a calf.

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? You're assuming he wanted to leave the island.  I'll give you three looks at Ginger (Tina Louise), two looks at Mary Ann (Dawn Wells) and one quick guess why he never fixed the boat.

Do mimes watch silent movies? How would they get the projector and screen into that tiny, invisible box where they all seem to live?

What do you call male ballerinas? I don't. But, then, none has ever offered to give me his number either.

Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes? Zebras are purple, with black AND white stripes.

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane? "I'm too old for this crap!" (He was born in 1829 and the first airplane didn't appear until 1903. Strangely enough, the first parachute jump was made in 1797. And if they yelled anything, it was in French.)

I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed? Sure, but I really prefer showers. ("Whelmed" means to be submerged.)

If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends? Hey, you bought Barbie in the first place, didn't you? You should have known that sort of thing would get you in trouble!

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? If you blew in my face, I'd get mad at you, too. Everyone knows that's what ears are for.

But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window! A dog's nose reportedly has two hundred million nasal olfactory receptors and is several thousand times more sensitive than ours. Maybe when they stick their head out the window, they are suggesting the driver should be whelmed a bit more often?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like? Pretty much the same. Except the backs would be called fronts, and would have to be much shorter so we didn't bang our nose. But, PLEASE don't ask me what toilets would look like!

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation? Which one of me are you asking? For some of our Members, it would be more like genocide. Doreen, for example, has enough registered personalities to start her own country.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2? It tries harder?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent? Yes, but they also have to tell him he has the right to remain motionless.

If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery? Personally, I would prefer to just discharge the battery.

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots? Because while it's illegal to drink and drive, it's not illegal to drive and drink. Order matters. Besides, if you're going to drink, there inevitably comes a time (usually about four in the morning) when a picture ID comes in handy. It reminds you who you are and, usually, where you live.

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible? Put fingerprints on MY rearview mirror and you'll be missing a few of those objects.

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man? Blond. Trust me on this one. I know.

What is another word for "thesaurus"? Nancy Ness.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? The same person who put three t's in stutter?

Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not? As you can see, I rarely make that assumption. Or, as my friends often say, if a question is rhetorical, DON'T voice it in front of Ron!

    
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


3 posted 07-07-2002 07:53 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

...Can you spell PPPLLLLLRRRBBBBTTTT??...
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


4 posted 07-07-2002 08:16 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Ron, I'm glad your "editor" left you behind to answer the questions...I don't believe I've ever seen this side of your humor...and it's a mighty good side....
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


5 posted 07-07-2002 10:25 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Ah! Thanks for the smiles.
Skyfire
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 12-27-2000
Posts 5766
Riding


6 posted 07-08-2002 12:45 AM       View Profile for Skyfire   Email Skyfire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfire

*wipes the tears away from laughing so hard*
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


7 posted 07-08-2002 01:49 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Are there female leprechauns?

Hmm ... I wonder if that's where the term "gold diggers" came from.

If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?

Aren't I seeing nothing now?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

I can never tell! I keep getting it off-center!

What does the K in K-mart actually stand for?

Klothing.

If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?

Someone who thinks too hard.

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

You, my friend, have never listened to the X-Ray Spex!

Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

You're.....frightening me.

How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?

If you drink enough, you'll start seeing boats in bottles, too.

Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?

'cause he doesn't want to get hit by a jet! (or, even worse, get ensnared in that ever-elusive "jet stream")

What is a male ladybug called?

M'ladybug!

Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights?

Is this joke vintage 1983?

Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ?

No. The bills. Now those I find worrying.

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?

Uh huh. The entry reads as follows:
"Dictionary dic'shun'ar'ee (n.) You own the Mirriam-Webster's dictionary, but do you know they also make great encyclopedias? See your leading name manufacturer for details."

Wow, that's who invented pop-ups!

What do you call a female daddy long legs?

Curious.

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Because just saying the word "mascara" requires a lot of mouth movement.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?

Thanks for stealing a Calvin and Hobbes joke.

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Because it's television!

Do mimes watch silent movies?

Yes. And they keep saying "shhhhh!"

What do you call male ballerinas?

Talented people.

Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

Depends what prison they're at.

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?

"PARACHUTE!"

I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?

Thanks for stealing a joke from 10 Things I Hate About You.

If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?

Like, duh. I don't think you understand popularity.

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?

Uh huh. And so does my facial reconstruction surgeon.

But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!

It stinks in there!

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

Furniture.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?

That's not funny.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?

Because it's playing up its "outsider" status to get with all the crayons!

If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Is someone fixated on mimes?

If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?

Yes. And it gets put in a dura-cell.

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Because I said so.

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

What?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

"That poor bastard."

What is another word for "thesaurus"?

Oh no! You already got me once with dictionary!

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Someone without a lisp.

Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not?

Nyeopes.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

MidnightSon
Member
since 05-15-2002
Posts 328
between the gutter & the stars


8 posted 07-08-2002 06:07 AM       View Profile for MidnightSon   Email MidnightSon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for MidnightSon

it's late....time for pragmatism, sarcasm, and cynicism...here goes  

Are there female leprechauns?
yes. but they're all as ugly as "Wicket" Warwick Davis in the leperchaun movies.

If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?
not my lead undies, thank god.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Mr. Owl says 3. nuff said.

What does the K in K-mart actually stand for?
it means these Kids' Mothers Are Really Tacky.

If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?
i'll get back to you when i make up my mind.

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
the same reason some american singers get british accents (and other funny accents) when they sing...ie: Third eye blind. jenkins talks normal.

Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
scientists and linguists are damn cruel and have twisted humor senses.

How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?
ugly female leprechauns build them inside the bottle.

Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?
in the original strips *see action comics #1 until he got his own zine*, he didn't fly; he bounded far and ran real fast.

What is a male ladybug called?
the ones that can live with the depression are *manlybugs*.

Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights?
disclaimer. it's stupid people insurance. the same reason it condoms say they will prevent pregnancy in either partner.

Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ?
i feel too vulnerable in that paper dress to complain.

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
dictionary, n. see front cover damn runaround.

What do you call a female daddy long legs?
i see a leggy supermodel in a lacy spiderman outfit....

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
yeah i can't do it eith..er uh...

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
tweeter, the first baby calf was drinking from mommy, and randy jimson, the brownie eating owner, suddenly realized he too needed milk.

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
the radio was a radio...but i do wonder why they never built another boat with scrap from the old and new materials...they had bikes for cryin out loud.

Do mimes watch silent movies?
mimes? who cares?

What do you call male ballerinas?
punching bags.

Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
black on white.

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
"holy crap, what's an airplane?!?"

I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?
wait for it... aaahh. i'm whelmed.

If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
to teach the important lesson that being popular makes you shallow, corrupt, and leaves you to renting friends and dyeing all your belongings pink.

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
try having a furbie do it....

But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
my dog don't do that.

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
bye bye chairs, hello beanbags!

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
only if there's a ransom. other wise, pelt them with prescription meds.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
well, i guess it ain't the most popular is it smartie?  

If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
mimes? who cares?

If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
yes, but if you cuffed the bunny, does that mean he'd stop beating that damn drum?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
i agree with ronon this one. the license is to remind you where you live when you wake up in that-guy-you-met-9-hours-ago's tub.

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
a cruel question...but those other knuckles?
yup. closer than they appear.

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
depending on the severity, "Cholesterol Beige", "Flesh", "Rogaine", or "Skull".

What is another word for "thesaurus"?
gimme-the-reference-book-that's-not-the-dictionary.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
told you linguists were cruel, heartless slugs.

Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not?
sarcasm is the bane of rhetorical questions.

this was fun.

it's our struggle for identity that leaves us all unknown

[This message has been edited by MidnightSon (07-08-2002 06:10 AM).]

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