Jeffrey E. Osborne
Internet porn? What's wrong with that? Where else can you see images of girl on girl on girl on girl on girl on man on sheep? (sorry... I couldn't resist adding a little levity to this otherwise somber discussion lol)
But seriously folks... I can see both good and bad sides to the internet/marriage discussion and I can also say that I have both benefited from and suffered because of the internet's affect on my own marital situation.
First off, I have to agree with Chris - it is the person, not the medium. A cheater is a cheater irregardless of how he goes about it.
Now before someone starts pointing the finger at me and reminding me not to throw rocks in glass houses (lol), I will admit that I have found myself involved in situations that I shouldn't have entered into and they were due to my involvement with others on the internet. It is all too easy to look elsewhere for attention, friendship, and support when you feel (rightly or wrongly) that you are not getting those needs met by your spouse. The problems arise when you forget that your relationship with your spouse is REAL and fooling around with it can have all too real consequences (ie.. divorce) and that internet relationships are mostly FANTASY.
Before I go any further, I have to point out that good things can (and have) come out of the friendships/relationships I've made via the internet. I have met and befriended some of the most wonderful people (many of them in this forum! ) and I was fortunate enough to share a year long relationship with a young woman I met on the internet who proved to be everything I could possibly want and need in a loving relationship. While I shouldn't have allowed myself to get involved with her while I was still married and I also shouldn't have allowed her and I's relationship to be reduced to a tawdry affair, I don't regret the moments we shared for a moment.
The mistake people commonly make is they allow the internet relationships to get out of hand. It's OK to chat occasionally, write emails, (post poems ) but when it starts to consume the time you would otherwise spend with your spouse and your kids, you need to be strong enough to step back from it. I wasn't that strong and I've suffered for it.
On a more positive note, my internet meanderings have made me reconsider my position regarding my failed marriage. They've given me the strength to realize that the person my wife fell in love with so many years ago is "still out there" and that if I started applying the time, the words, and the actions that I've applied here (the internet) to her and I's relationship than maybe all is not lost.
Now back to that porn issue... the missus and I have watched some great porn together and while we both have giggled like idiots at their extreme silliness, there have been those occasional moments where we've said to each other - "Hey, that looks like fun!" and then snuck off to the bedroom .....
"this could get messy... but you don't seem to mind..."
[This message has been edited by Jeffrey E. Osborne (04-16-2002 12:16 AM).]